smile95 Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 ok well I have been sad, hurt, confused, depressed, sad some more, but never angry, til today. After the break up, I never really stopped to get mad! Now I am! Why in the world would I want this man back in my life! Who is he to treat me this way! Why do i cry over someone who hurts me?? He cannot have ME! I think of all I excused and let go and I should not have-he does not deserve me at all. I was nothing but good and faithful to him and did all he wanted and played by his rules and his schedule. When he had time, we met. When HE had time, he called. I donot want this in my life at all! What kind of life is that! I guess it is just a phase I am going thru or I heard a good song today about a girl who did not want her man back and it pumped me up! It feels good to get mad....eventhough he does not know I am angry and I do not plan on letting him know, but the fact that I know now what I expect and what I deserve is enough. The knowledge that one day when he calls and I ignore him and make him squirm for once is motivation enough to move on. To all of you who are sad and missing your ex....get mad!!!! I read once where you cannot have both sadness and anger at the same time...so pick anger! 1
In Sync Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 ok well I have been sad, hurt, confused, depressed, sad some more, but never angry, til today. After the break up, I never really stopped to get mad! Now I am! Why in the world would I want this man back in my life! Who is he to treat me this way! Why do i cry over someone who hurts me?? He cannot have ME! I think of all I excused and let go and I should not have-he does not deserve me at all. I was nothing but good and faithful to him and did all he wanted and played by his rules and his schedule. When he had time, we met. When HE had time, he called. I donot want this in my life at all! What kind of life is that! I guess it is just a phase I am going thru or I heard a good song today about a girl who did not want her man back and it pumped me up! It feels good to get mad....eventhough he does not know I am angry and I do not plan on letting him know, but the fact that I know now what I expect and what I deserve is enough. The knowledge that one day when he calls and I ignore him and make him squirm for once is motivation enough to move on. To all of you who are sad and missing your ex....get mad!!!! I read once where you cannot have both sadness and anger at the same time...so pick anger! Here..Here! I agree! Totally! Anger is as much as a vital emotion to recognize as much as feeling sad, and heartbroken or love and joy. Quite frankly if you are not angry I don't think you can know love. One doesn't have to act it out, but suppressing it and hiding it and keeping it under wraps is why some of us were treated like human doormats because we were extreme people- pleasers and repressed all that anger when we were with ex's who took our feelings for granted. I believe part of the reason NC came to benefit me, was during it blocked memories of my relationship resurfaced and I realized what a crap I was treated..and it pisses me off that I never said anything because 'nice people don't get angry..they turn the other cheek.' So now I allowed myself to get angry about what I didn't like and see that I don't need that person or that type of relationship any longer. By accepting my anger at all unacceptable behavior towards me I was able to get pass the 'pedestal worshipping for the ex' I had prior to NC. Complacency made me put up with anything crumb behavior.
riobikini Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 THIS ANGER THING WILL GET A UNANIMOUS VOTE, I'M SURE! IT'S WHERE I'M AT RIGHT NOW, TOO. IT WORKS!!!! -Rio
ciara12step Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 i dont get angry often .. even when she told me she kissed a dude, i got dissapointed, hurt, and confused .. i dunno . . im a mixed nut right now .. even if i try to feel angry, im just not a hateful person .. hmmm .. maybe i should be a di ck . .lol
sick of it Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 im with you ciara, my ex lied to me telling me she didnt want another relationship. we went to china this sumemr and she told me she liked a friend shed been hanging with...she told me in CHINA!...then she said she didnt want to pursue anything...it was just a little crush. she started dated hima week later and theyve been together. even all the lying and knowing what shes doing with him, im not angry, im hurt. i cant get angry. i dont think you can get angry if you still want them. you feel guilty if you get angry.
In Sync Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 i dont get angry often .. even when she told me she kissed a dude, i got dissapointed, hurt, and confused .. i dunno . . im a mixed nut right now .. even if i try to feel angry, im just not a hateful person .. hmmm .. maybe i should be a di ck . .lol Oh Please get real...first anger and hatred are two separate things. If you can't figure that out, it'll take a lifetime to explain to the difference. second, have you never seen injustice in the world, negligence...acts of cruelty done to one group of people that's weaker than another..have you ever gotten involved with politics, read a newspaper..ok...so nothing in this world makes you angry?...even God himself has been angry. And I suspect if you don't get angry about things...you don't care. Anger reflects choice. Also, anger is instilled in us for self preservation..otherwise we would not take a stand for anything. Animals don't hate, but try going near a lion and near her cub...that's anger. And as humans when we don't recognize that element and poo poo on it, we will continue to go down a garden path (maintaining the nice guy front along with the 'I don't get anger attitude') and allow others to take advantage of you. One gets angry but what we do is take it and take it some more until the taking it so much overwhelms us and we either get angry at ourselves feeling stupid later or pissed off at the our ex's.
Lishy Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Getting mad is absolutely FANTASTIC! It feels so much better to be think 'fk him he doesnt deserve me;' than thinking 'Oh I miss him so much why did he leave?' I choose mad over sad any day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author smile95 Posted December 28, 2005 Author Posted December 28, 2005 i dont get angry often .. even when she told me she kissed a dude, i got dissapointed, hurt, and confused .. i dunno . . im a mixed nut right now .. even if i try to feel angry, im just not a hateful person .. hmmm .. maybe i should be a di ck . .lol I am not an angry person either. I have never yelled at ANYONE-ever or been mad at them on the outside, but believe me, once you reach this point and the rose colored glasses are off, you will get mad. I was told this is a stage of grief...maybe you just have not reached this point yet, but you will. I am not mad exactly, but more of a feeling of "He will never walk all over me agian and I am not letting someone who treated me this way back in my life"
Author smile95 Posted December 28, 2005 Author Posted December 28, 2005 im with you ciara, my ex lied to me telling me she didnt want another relationship. we went to china this sumemr and she told me she liked a friend shed been hanging with...she told me in CHINA!...then she said she didnt want to pursue anything...it was just a little crush. she started dated hima week later and theyve been together. even all the lying and knowing what shes doing with him, im not angry, im hurt. i cant get angry. i dont think you can get angry if you still want them. you feel guilty if you get angry. you are living in a fantasy world if you cannot get mad about someone lying. (I was living that way)You have not accepted yet or are making excuses for what they did...
lindya Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Edit - sorry Smile. I totally hijacked the thread there by answering someone else's post.
Author smile95 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 Reading some more online about NPD, I realize that I really was never "with " this man. We never had a relationship. We would talk a while, say I love you, meet up (maybe), and then he would ignore me for weeks at a time(never breaking up with me) and come back and start all over. I think he never broke up with me because he did not want to. He wanted to leave the door open for anytime he wanted to come back! WHAT?? I know we said we were bf-gf, but really it was just a ride. Now more than ever I think that he will re appear in my life and I have to stop this cycle! He thinks what is happening now is business as usual and will come baclk and start all over! How clear things look when you have some time away! That makes me even madder to know that this man does not even know that he hurt me and thinks he can come back and use words to get me "back".
Lishy Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Smile that is exactly what I went through. Even now neither of us has said 'ok let's forget it' Like you I think that one day he will reappear in my life in some way and I know he will think he can come back because there was no closure - Uhuh not here ..... This girlie will be keeping that door shut! He does NOT deserve me and he will know that one day. Ooooooooo I can't wait for that day to arrive!
Author smile95 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 I cannot wait either, but we truly have to stick to it~ No going back! I have had so many chances and his words win me over! Not this time! How long has it been since your ex has called you? THis will be the 11th or 12th time he has come back...why did I not see this pattern sooner??????
Lishy Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Oh this will be the first time that I have continued with no contact. He drives past my house but now I do not stand outside because when I see him is when I contact him. He is so used to me contacting him that he will be surprised when he doesn't see or hear from me. I just hope and pray that I get my chance to ignore him like he has ignored me in the past. Karma karma where are you lol
johan Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Here's a thought: you've been angry all along. Instead of having the anger outwardly expressed toward him, your target has been you. When you get that down on yourself, it's a form of punishment for what you consider your failures. Often you only really get mad at the other person after you're through with yourself.
johan Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 johan gets the prize for today You will deliver this prize in person?
JS17 Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 You will deliver this prize in person? Sure but I just lost my only f*** buddy 10 minutes ago so I'm expecting a big tip.
Author smile95 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 Here's a thought: you've been angry all along. Instead of having the anger outwardly expressed toward him, your target has been you. When you get that down on yourself, it's a form of punishment for what you consider your failures. Often you only really get mad at the other person after you're through with yourself. I agree with this. I have been depresed and holding the anger in...it feels good to place the blame on the one who deserves it!
Author smile95 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 Oh this will be the first time that I have continued with no contact. He drives past my house but now I do not stand outside because when I see him is when I contact him. He is so used to me contacting him that he will be surprised when he doesn't see or hear from me. I just hope and pray that I get my chance to ignore him like he has ignored me in the past. Karma karma where are you lol I cannot wait to do that as well. I always call or he does after about a month...not this time. He will FLIP out! Really he will. He knows how much I love him and counts on that. I am going to have fun with this...just hope I really get the chance to ignore him! If the past repeats itself, I will.
Author smile95 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 lishy.....what makes this time diff for you? That you will not go back? Just wondering. Mine was a specific thing he did/did not do that told me I can never go back. I have been NC for about 2.5 wks now. Usually after about 6 he calls me. Sad that i know this!
Lishy Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 I told him how I felt and he said he could not be with anyone as he wants to travel and blah blah blah - All of it is superficial tosh - It was his polite way of saying he wasnt interested in me as anything but a f/buddy. But the problem was that I always contacted him and he got comfortable - He will be shocked when he realises that I wont be calling!
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