Mars007 Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Me and my bf have been together for 4 yrs the jealousy started about 2 months into our relationship, but over the years it is getting worse. I dont like him looking at girls half naked on tv, talking to any of my female friends etc. I have become very paranoid. I never had this problem before with any of my other relationships but then they werent really what you would call 'relationships'. I am now 25, my first bf I met when i was 17 and he was 24 we was together for 9 months, 6months of that we lived together and then I fell pregnant. he wanted me to have an abortion but I couldnt go through with it, he ended it, I moved out and then he went to australia to be with his ex (who he constantly received love letters, emails, gifts etc whilst we were together, it didnt bother me she was on the other side of the world) and i never heard from him again until my son was born. He came back a few months later and since then we have been friends for the sake of our son who is now 7! He told me that he was still in love with his ex and he never really loved me and that I had ruined his life as he couldnt go and live in Australia with her. I met someone else about 1 yr later, it was more of a fun time buddy really as he was going to America in about 7 months time when we first met. But we got on well and just had fun, but I grew to really like him and was devasteted when he did go. in the back of my mind I hoped that he would not end up going but he did and with in 2 weeks in America he was with someone else! My bf is great, he is kind, caring loves me and my boy to bits. I know that he would never cheat on me but I can not trust him. I have a big problem with nudity/sex from my childhood as when my mum and stepdad divorced when i was 11 yr,I stayed with him (not through choice). He was always watching porn (not turning the tv over when I entered the room etc) rude magazines everywhere and I caught him a couple of times masterbating in my room in the middle of the night. I moved out when I was 15 and lived with a friend and only seen him about five times in the last 10 years. But this has really has effected me and now i have a huge problem with sex and nudity. I have told no one about my bf doesnt know nor my mum as we are not that close. I will not let my bf watch tv it the women are not covered up, i find myself getting angry and frustrated and turning the tv over. I dread watching movies/going to the cinema (which we havnt done for about 3 yrs)I feel as though I am going mad. After 3 yrs I am finally realising it is because of my stepdad and a too early introduction to sex. As it made me think it is dirty. etc but how can I overcome this. Also when I was 13 I abused by my bestfriends uncle, who also stalked me for months. Because of court proceedings etc lost my bestfriend as she was forced not to speak to me by her parents. I am driving my bf crazy, he wants me to go to counselling which is a good idea but I cant face it. And I am constantly accusing him of being a pervert or cheating and that he will run off with someone else. I hav'nt been to counselling about any of these issues just got on with life and jumped full blown into my career and proving to myself that I am worth something. Pretending it didnt happen and not facing it. But the trust and nudity thing between me and my bf is becoming a big problem. Anyone shed some light?
JadeStar Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Get into some counseling ASAP for these past issues, because this is where your current issues with your b/f stem from. Until they are properly delt with, they will surface in any relationship you are in. Jade
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 You need some counselling. I don't know why those things irk you so much and make you jealous. Seeing a woman half naked on TV shouldn't set you off like it is now. You have some trust issues, fears and worries that DO need to be fixed. If you don't go to therapy and deal with this your relationship WILL end. Your issues and jealously that is out of control will destroy everything. Please, get some help. SO many people see therapists. Pretending all is OK and you ignoring it will only make things worse and you'll lose your boyfriend in the process. HE loves you and is standing by you now. Maybe do some couples therapy together too.
prdeeva Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 I too had some trust and jealousy issues due to abuse at the hands of a family member. For several years I refused to deal with these issues. In the mean time, my marriage ended (with help from both of us), my career took a nose dive, I lost custody of my child. All because I was so consumed by my problems. Finally, I started seeing a therapist. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. Now I am able to talk about my past problems, I am in a new relationship, I have had custody of my child for the past 5 years and I now have a new little boy... It is amazing what talking to a therapist can do for you. So, please, please seek help before you ruin a great thing. Good luck
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