malachai Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 This is a question I have been meditating on a lot lately. I see a lot of otherwise loving relationships breaking up because one party's expectations are not being met, or because there are things in the relationship that bother them. Of course, there are things that are truly deal-breakers. Cheating or abuse (mental or physical), for example, are things that should not be tolerated in a relationship. But it seems like anywhere I turn, I see people giving up on relationships for less "catastrophic" reasons. And for a wide variety of reasons, too. Anything from annoying little habits, to not verbally expressing one's emotions at all times, even political reasons. It seems like many people walk away too easily from something when it doesn't perfectly meet their needs. Maybe it's a cultural phenomenon, maybe it's genetic, maybe selfishness. I don't know. But I think that if you have a strong love for someone, and that is the key ingredient here, the relationship deserves an effort to work on or through some of these less catastrophic issues.
SmoochieFace Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 It seems like many people walk away too easily from something when it doesn't perfectly meet their needs. Maybe it's a cultural phenomenon, maybe it's genetic, maybe selfishness. I don't know. But I think that if you have a strong love for someone, and that is the key ingredient here, the relationship deserves an effort to work on or through some of these less catastrophic issues. Call it the *grass is always greener* syndrome. A product of our throwaway society. We live in a time in which things are easily disposable - including people. It's terrible that people are being treated as nothing more than *objects* that can be tossed into the garbage dump when things aren't quite *right*. 1
SmoochieFace Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 To the one who *docked* my reputation by one point with your comment on my previous post: This has nothing to do with being *positive* or *negative*. This has to do with REALITY. If you do not believe that we live in a throwaway culture then open your eyes and look around. Perhaps you have become desensitised to it. Sorry, but I deal in reality. I don't *spin* anything and I regard ANY sort of spin as rubbish. I choose to face reality instead of relying on dressed-up versions of falsehoods being passed off as the truth. A Lie is still a Lie no matter how hard society and its culture spiff it up - it still stinks.
Outcast Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Smooch - save yourself a lot of grief and opt out of 'reputation'. All it is is a sneaky way for people to use to attack you for disagreeing with them. I think it sucks. Back to the regularly scheduled thread.
SmoochieFace Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 I agree - the reputation thingy is mightily stupid and should be s***-canned. Back to the topic... I think most people who are in these fly-by-night relationships simply are unhappy with themselves. It may not be about the other person - they are restless and unhappy because they want more more more after already having it. A form of wanderlust and nomadism. Same thing with the acquisition of wealth... some people don't know when to quit and be happy with what they have instead of taking on more risks for the sake of *having more*.
Lil Honey Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 To the one who *docked* my reputation by one point with your comment on my previous post: I would add points for having a little av. That's how important I think the points are. On topic: I think that folks have this impression that relationships are like living a jewelry commercial. People seem to think that there is no work involved. Well, life and relationships ain't always pretty. Another thing, I see people thinking the other person is "perfect" in the beginning. Well, there's no such thing as perfection. In fact, I was in a relationship like that once. Then, I found out that this "perfect guy" was setting up a porn site (after complaining about money creating greed). I am now in a relationship with a man who isn't afraid to be himself. And I like that. I don't have to wonder when the Flaw Ax is going to drop and surprise me. I can see him for who he really is. I can accept and love him as he is, because I already know who he is. I'm not in love with a fantasy or a hope. I am in love with a real man.
Lil Honey Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Oh, and I also think that people don't "do" relationships in the right order. They have sex then discover that they don't like the person. That just seems backwards to me.
SmoochieFace Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 I would add points for having a little av. That's how important I think the points are. Yeah, he's a good-looking bunny! I think that folks have this impression that relationships are like living a jewelry commercial. Or like some of those ridiculous teevee shows that so many people are addicted to. Get a real life, folks, and quit trying to emulate teevee fantasies. Well, there's no such thing as perfection. Completely agree. I find it comical to see people chasing after something that doesn't even exist. If they could just realise that perfection is a fantasy they could eliminate lots of stress from their lives.
Author malachai Posted December 28, 2005 Author Posted December 28, 2005 We live in a time in which things are easily disposable - including people. I think that folks have this impression that relationships are like living a jewelry commercial. People seem to think that there is no work involved. Well, life and relationships ain't always pretty. this is how i see things. it's unfortunate, really, that people feel this way. it is an instant-gratification society we live in, which means that people expect big results with as little effort exerted as possible. what a shame it is too, because you can miss out on a hell of a lot when you are too anxious to find something better.
Outcast Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Oh, and I also think that people don't "do" relationships in the right order. They have sex then discover that they don't like the person. That just seems backwards to me I am SO in agreement !
SmoochieFace Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Oh, and I also think that people don't "do" relationships in the right order. They have sex then discover that they don't like the person. That just seems backwards to me. And that makes it seems that it is a physical thing only... nothing whatsoever to do with the PERSON.
lilmoma1973 Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Yes i think we all like to think our relationship is perfect!!!!
SmoochieFace Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Yes i think we all like to think our relationship is perfect!!!! But it isn't. Why continue with the deluded thinking?
lilmoma1973 Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 But it isn't. Why continue with the deluded thinking? I know but we like to think we do!! But in reality we know it isn't so!! But we would like it to be perfect!!
SmoochieFace Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 I know but we like to think we do!! But in reality we know it isn't so!! But we would like it to be perfect!! That's ridiculous. I honestly believe this is why we have so many failed relationships and marriages in the US... people are striving for *perfection* which doesn't even exist in spite of what movies and teevee seem to say. People are trying to live their lives in ways that mimic fantasy. Doomed to fail in the end. Perhaps those people who have the most success at relationships and marriages are those who do not have huge expectations and also do not subscribe to this nonexistent thing called *perfection*? Any thoughts on this?
bluechocolate Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Yes i think we all like to think our relationship is perfect!!!! Not me. My relationship is not perfect because neither myself nor my partner is perfect. (I just can't stop quoting this guy!!) - Perfect is the enemy of the good - Gordon Livingston M.D.
nicki Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 I agree that it is better to strive to be in a "real" relationship than a "perfect"one. It's very exciting to know and love someone for everything that they are, and to be loved the same way. BUT, I feel like playing the devil's advocate here. I think sometimes people stay in bad relationships because they tell themselves, "Well, no one is perfect, so I should make it work." I usually know right away if someone is for me. I've continued on in a few relationships because I thought my reason for leaving was silly. Then, later on, when the relationship didn't work out, I wish I had left when the first doubt hit me. There's something to be said for searching for a good fit with someone. It can be so easy with the right person. THEN, you want to make things work and the little things that pop up later don't matter. Just my two cents. Happy New Year. Hope you all find much love and happiness this next year!
NYCmitch25 Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 This is a question I have been meditating on a lot lately. I see a lot of otherwise loving relationships breaking up because one party's expectations are not being met, or because there are things in the relationship that bother them. Of course, there are things that are truly deal-breakers. Cheating or abuse (mental or physical), for example, are things that should not be tolerated in a relationship. But it seems like anywhere I turn, I see people giving up on relationships for less "catastrophic" reasons. And for a wide variety of reasons, too. Anything from annoying little habits, to not verbally expressing one's emotions at all times, even political reasons. It seems like many people walk away too easily from something when it doesn't perfectly meet their needs. Maybe it's a cultural phenomenon, maybe it's genetic, maybe selfishness. I don't know. But I think that if you have a strong love for someone, and that is the key ingredient here, the relationship deserves an effort to work on or through some of these less catastrophic issues. Yes we do "strive" for perfection in our relationships but it's disengenuous to assume we are really striving for it. We have idealized notions of relationships and when they don't meet up to our unrealistic standards, we retreat from them as if they were failures. This seems hardly like striving and more like not trying. It's not completely our fault though, society is to blame for much of this but it still doesn't exuse our inempt ability to work on relationships properly. Oh well, thats my point of view...
d'Arthez Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 It is all in the expectations. And of course we all assume to be experts in the areas of love and relationships. And that nothing is easier than love. Or that love is a passion - it is not.
lilmoma1973 Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Not me. My relationship is not perfect because neither myself nor my partner is perfect. (I just can't stop quoting this guy!!) - Perfect is the enemy of the good - Gordon Livingston M.D. Me either i was just stating we all would like it to be that way to some degree !! my partner nor myself aren't perfect and don't claim to be!! I think the only one is perfect is God!!!
johan Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 I used to start relationships trying really hard to impress. But it was a pace I couldn't sustain. Over time it seems like the girls realized I wasn't who I appeared to be. Of course there were other problems, but this contributed. Now I start out trying to be the same guy I'll be after 10 years. I want a girl to love me like that. Then I won't feel as if I'm about to be disposed of unless I stay right on top of the world. I'm actually kind of paranoid about that. So I'm determined to just be myself.
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