mymojo Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 I just returned from an appointment with a divorce lawyer. In a nutshell because I married an unemployed man, in this state I'll probably be nailed to the cross with alimony payments. My new lawyer informs me that I best prepare for the fact that I'll be working 2 jobs to pay my own bills and subsidize my soon to be ex in his new place, not only will I have to live with the fact that a man flat out admitted that I was too old and fugly to have sex with, my income will be used to keep him in computers, a fast broadband connection, paid porn subscriptions, strip clubs and everything else. so rejoice guys, it's like every porn lovers wet dream ! 1
SmoochieFace Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Utterly ridiculous. He does not deserve a single cent from you.
Author mymojo Posted December 27, 2005 Author Posted December 27, 2005 Utterly ridiculous. He does not deserve a single cent from you. Judges in this state do not take kindly on middle aged spouses being left penniless and dependent on the mercies of the state coffers.
SmoochieFace Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Judges in this state do not take kindly on middle aged spouses being left penniless and dependent on the mercies of the state coffers. They also should not take kindly to middle-aged men who think it's *cool* to sit on their asses all day and live off of someone else's labour. Alimony is such a bulls*** concept anyway as it is an excuse for the courts to justify financial abuse. What state is this so I know not to move there?
Outcast Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 And guys wonder why women are reluctant to take up with men who aren't in good financial shape! (ahem - Smooch )
SmoochieFace Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 (ahem - Smooch ) Not sure what that is supposed to mean. Care to elaborate?
Outcast Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Seems to me I've seen several rants about horrible women who want men who have (gasp) jobs It's not that they're gold-diggers; they just want to know they won't end up trapped in the sort of hole the OP is now stuck in.
norcaldivr Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 While personally I abhor the idea of alimony in all but the most extreme cases it is a reality for divorcing couples where there is a significant difference of incomes. That said, millions of men are in the same position as the OP. Why is it that in those cases alimony is seen in a totally different light. Personally I am happy to see the courts are finally shedding their gender bias. Perhaps if women begin to be treated as men have some of our outdated divorce laws and their application will begin to change. It seems that inequity is far more acceptable when it applies mainly to a designated scapegoat class, in this case divorcing males.
SmoochieFace Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 It seems that inequity is far more acceptable when it applies mainly to a designated scapegoat class, in this case divorcing males. May be true but I still find it wrong. Yes, men get screwed by the system but what the OP (a woman) is going through is outrageous. Her dumbass X wants to sit at home and be a lazy unemployed slob surfing porn sites while she is out there in the real world being responsible and taking care of herself. She has no business taking care of him and if I was the judge in her case I'd tell his sorry ass to get out of the house, find a job, and forget about any *alimony*. If he can play with a computer then he can work.
norcaldivr Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 May be true but I still find it wrong. Yes, men get screwed by the system but what the OP (a woman) is going through is outrageous. Is this to be construed that men may get a screwing through the system but when it's a woman it rises to outrageous ? Not trying to put words in your mouth but just wondering. Also let's not forget that we're only hearing one side of the story. It's high time for gender equity to be paid more than lip service by the courts. Maybe then some change will come about when the designated victim class (divorcing women) begin to experience what has been commonplace for men.
SmoochieFace Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Is this to be construed that men may get a screwing through the system but when it's a woman it rises to outrageous? The OP's situation is outrageous to me cuz it seems that her X is not willing to work - he is taking advantage of the system by sitting at home and getting paid for simply existing and that is wrong. Not all Xs are like that - mymojo's X is more of an aberration, IMO.
norcaldivr Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 I agree it is wrong that he can sit on his a## and collect alimony, just as it is when the gender roles are reversed. It is far less common however for women to pay alimony just as it is uncommon for men to get child custody. I look at using the rat analogy. I don't blame a rat for being a rat. Mother nature made him a rat and said rat had no choice in the matter. OTOH when someone created conditions favorable to rats they are the ones to blame when they become overrun with them. Of course we don't have to like the rats. Given political realities change will not happen until such time as the politically favored class begins to be subjected to the same treatment as the political outcasts.
happymadison Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 i love this. this guy is doing what women have done for ages--generally up until the time of the women's revolution. remember when men worked , and women stayed home and did whatever they did? then in the divorce, she got the house and alimony, and screwed around and didnt marry again because she would lose the alimony payments. and dont even talk about the 'child support', which less than half is even used for the kid. Women's lib is truly great....not only did it give women equal rights, it liberated the MEN!!!! So i guess a male should never marry a woman who doesnt have a good job?? Can you say "PRENUP"? everybody needs one these days, regardless.
Author mymojo Posted December 28, 2005 Author Posted December 28, 2005 My soon to be ex and I have had several very frank conversations in the last couple weeks. 1. he married me because I was available, I was willing to pay the bills and he felt he could overlook the fact that he felt he deserved better in terms of my age and physical appearance. 2. the idea that I will be impoverished as result of having to pay him alimony gave him and I quote "the biggest wood and the most intense orgasm he'd ever had" So it's over now except for the courtroom action. I will NEVER have another relationship ever again !
clandestinidad Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Oh my god....I really feel for you. You shouldnt have to go through this! why are you even talking to this disgusting a**h*** without attorney's present?!? He seems to loooove hurting every part of you, and you seem to let him by listening to it. I hope you dont speak to him again, unless its recorded or attorneys are there. I'm sure no judge will look too mercifully on a loser who's mentally/emotionally abusive and looking for a free ride in this world. I'm sure you can find SOME ways to get this guy back, and not let him get as much of your money. FIGHT THIS!!!! I hate to see a person like him win (and he!! yeah, I'd be saying the same thing if a female was doing this)
Craig Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 I just returned from an appointment with a divorce lawyer.So exactly how long were you married?
Author mymojo Posted December 28, 2005 Author Posted December 28, 2005 Oh my god....I really feel for you. You shouldnt have to go through this! why are you even talking to this disgusting a**h*** without attorney's present?!? He seems to loooove hurting every part of you, and you seem to let him by listening to it. I hope you dont speak to him again, unless its recorded or attorneys are there. I'm sure no judge will look too mercifully on a loser who's mentally/emotionally abusive and looking for a free ride in this world. I'm sure you can find SOME ways to get this guy back, and not let him get as much of your money. FIGHT THIS!!!! I hate to see a person like him win (and he!! yeah, I'd be saying the same thing if a female was doing this) This is a no fault state, the judge won't be interested.What will interest him is the duration of the marriage( a couple of weeks past the 10 yr mark) which entitles him to alimony and the fact there was no prenup. It was quite a learning experience for me and at this point I don't think I could feel much lower or more worthless if I tried.
clandestinidad Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 I understand that you'd be feeling that way. Youve been dealt a pretty $h!tty set of cards. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. You are NOT worthless...you matter to more people than you know. Do you have anyone close that you've been able to visit with or talk to?
lilmoma1973 Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Sorry to hear that isn't it amazing what life throws at you and you didn't even do anything wrong yet you will be paying !! How is that fair ? i know i would be pissed off if that happen to me!!
Weye Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 mymojo, I am very sorry to hear that you have been put in such a terrible position by such a low life scum that you ex husband is. No man with any sense of decency would ever do this to his ex-wife no matter what the circumstances. Now I just had a thought. If I were in your situation, I would quit my job and find work overseas. I don't know anything about how the courts would handle this, but he can't collect alimony if you're not in the country, right? He'd be forced to get off his fat a$$ and get a f_([ing job!
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