JayKay Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 NYCA I did some online dating before I met my BF I had a situation similar to yours. I emailed this one guy for a couple of months. He started sending me longer and longer emails. Soon, I got them on a daily basis. Then he started sending like two, three a day. They were getting very romantic in nature. It was making me uncomfortable. We hadn't met yet and I hadn't even heard his voice on the phone! It was like he was pouring his heart out to a stranger and expecting me to just jump in there and be his soulmate. When I told him I would not be coming to visit him, that I had met someone I had feelings for, he acted like I'd walked out of a decades-long relationship. He sent some nasty emails my way and kept asking, "Why can't we work this out? I can't believe this. Why are you running away?" He acted like I'd 'cheated' on him and I was just blown away. Trust your gut. I should have nipped it in the bud while I had those nagging feelings but I kept thinking, "He's just a nice, lonely guy"
grace2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Speaking as a guy there is this new woman I just recently started talking to online. I'm not looking to date her exclusively. I just want to make new friends. I do not call her everyday or e-mail her everday unless its a generic e-mail I send to everyone with my commentaries about certain subjects. I think guys should wait 2-3 days after he first meets a woman online. Wait 2-3 days to e-mail or call, then wait 5 days after that, then wait 8 days after that. Then leave the ball in her court to call or e-mail you. If she never does then she's not interested in you. That's what I'm doing with the new woman I'm talking to online right now. She wants to meet me after the 1st of the year. She initiated the idea of meeting in person. I have not contacted her since christmas eve and I won't contact her until new years day. The contact will be to just touch bases with her.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Take your time, and trust your gut. Keep doing what you're doing. But if you do meet up with him, please make sure someone close to you knows exactly when and where and even have that person call you on your cell to check up on you. There is also nothing wrong with informing your date about that as well. I've met people online and didn't tell anyone, but left my phone on, and left a slip of paper by my computer with his name and number/address, etc (just in case). I cancelled one date because my gut told me to. He wanted me to pick him up from a "meeting". I found out the meeting was for a gambling addiction recovery...and he doesn't drive, and lives in a seedy area of the city...it creeped me out, even though he worked in a daycare centre.
Tankgirl Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 If someone doesn't contact me for a week I assume they're not interested in me enough to bother. (unless theyre out of town or some other normal circumstance) Once a guy waited two weeks to call me back. I had already lined up another date in that time and he was all shocked...how was I supposed to know he was playing the wait 10 days game?!! I typically talk with someone Im getting to know once or twice a week, email txt or phone. Then once I know them better and begin to date regularly I'd say every other day or so.
newbby Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 i had this same sort of thing happen. he didnt overly email me or text me, but he did come on very strong. we had been on two dates, two years prior, and we had mutual friends. when we were talking on im, he would tell me constantly of his feelings for me, dreams of me, got jealous of male friends even though we had never met during the course of our online conversations (a few weeks) it was all very ott and fast for my liking, but i kept giving him the benefit of the doubt only because i knew that he was ok from rl. in the end he told me that he was with somebody else, right out of the blue. so my fears of him being psycho obsessed were very far off. i did feel a bit hurt by it, i suppose, so whoever said that that is abnormal behaviour i dont think it is. feelings can develop over the internet, but it is up to each person to keep a track of those feelings and realise that it is still very much a fantasy relationship.
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