brooke7777 Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 So...I did a big no no. I have been talking on and off with the ex for the past few weeks and I requested a meeting. I had finally mustered up the courage to get out all of my unanswered questions and thought I had the strength to hear all of the answers. We met and we small talked for a little while before we really got into the serious stuff. Things seemed to be going good. Our rapport was good and things were clicking just like they used to. So when it came time to discuss the serious stuff I asked him why things didnt work out. No more beating around the bush...I needed clear cut answers to help clarify things in my mixed up mind. A little backstory...We had been through a rough period where we had fought off and on that culminated in a big blow up. We discussed our issues and then things were perfect for 2-3 weeks. Then out of the blue, he broke up with me stating he'd lost his enthusiasm for the relationship. So now he tells me that he had felt like he was always waiting for the next fight to occur and that he thought that I thought he was never good enough. I reassured him that he was perfect throughout our entire relationship and that I had thought we had settled all of our issues and that things seemed perfect during those last few weeks. Honestly, I constantly told him how much he meant to me during our relationship, so I don't know where he was coming from. Anyways, I proceed to tell him that I feel like he just gave up on us and didnt give us a shot once we really hashed out our issues. He admitted that maybe he didn't really give us a fair shot. I stated that it was so unbelieveable that he was willing to throw away 3 1/2 years down the tube so easily. He said that he treasured every moment we spent together. I had tried the give him space route so now I figured I'd go for the pleading route. I wasn't overly desperate, but I pleaded a little. We sat there together. He hugged me and held my hand and told me how much he missed me. I pleaded and I could see how hard it was for him to say no. It was like he was struggling to get out the words. He said that right now is not the time for us to be together and he does not know about the future. So eventually we parted ways. He says that right now we need to work on being friends. He says that we cannot jump right back into being best friends because it will be too hard, but he wants to be a part of my life. I agreed. It's too hard without him. While part of me knows that I am torturing myself talking to him, he is like a drug. I cannot live without his involvement in my life. I crave to know how he is doing and what he has been up to. Right now I can settle for being friends. I guess I am secretly hoping that this friendship will eventually turn into something more. I know that we cannot be best friends, nor can we talk/see each other all of the time. It will be too hard. But I do need to keep a hold of him somehow. It's too hard without him. Honestly, I think I function better and feel less depressed when I speak to him. I don't want to put my life on hold for him, but I kind of feel like I'll keep him on the backburner for right now. He's the one that I will always compare everyone else to. Am I totally crazy? Is there any hope for reconciling? Am I doing the right thing? Ugh...this is all so confusing and frustrating!!
In Sync Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 So eventually we parted ways. He says that right now we need to work on being friends. He says that we cannot jump right back into being best friends because it will be too hard, but he wants to be a part of my life. I agreed. It's too hard without him. While part of me knows that I am torturing myself talking to him, he is like a drug. I cannot live without his involvement in my life. I crave to know how he is doing and what he has been up to. Right now I can settle for being friends. I guess I am secretly hoping that this friendship will eventually turn into something more. I know that we cannot be best friends, nor can we talk/see each other all of the time. It will be too hard. But I do need to keep a hold of him somehow. It's too hard without him. Honestly, I think I function better and feel less depressed when I speak to him. I don't want to put my life on hold for him, but I kind of feel like I'll keep him on the backburner for right now. He's the one that I will always compare everyone else to. Am I totally crazy? Is there any hope for reconciling? Am I doing the right thing? Ugh...this is all so confusing and frustrating!! Dear Brooke7777, You already know in the bottom of your heart that this will only lead to more heartache and frustration. The guy was gentlemanly enough (from how you described) to let you know his view, and offered you friendship. He has reached the point where he wants to take the good times and walk away with things being pleasant...now you are torturing yourself banking on the friends leading to more. So you'll keep waiting and staying stuck, while he will be moving on, not giving you anymore than let's be friends. It's nothing for him to say he wants to be a part of your life because he is not waiting for anything more. You are doing this to yourself from this moment forward. Whatever agonizing and feelings of frustration that go on in the future over this are a result of your not seeing that you got the answers you needed and wanted to hear, and you haven't accepted that it was enough. Only you can change your attitude from believing he must be a part of your life..you are giving your entire emotional well being over to someone who is not willing to go there. Can you not see how this makes you feel powerless and naturally depressed because you've made him your life support. For your own sake try to find your own emotional strength because if ever the day he decides there really is no future or he wants to be with another girl and his friendship slowly and gradually disappears how will you go on, you're prolonging your own depression. For me when I read how desperate you are to keep him in your life I felt sad.
Author brooke7777 Posted December 28, 2005 Author Posted December 28, 2005 In Sync...thank you for your opinion and advice. I'm just really struggling. It's so hard for me still and it has been a few months. I know that I am making myself powerless and putting all of the power in his hands. I know that I should be my number one priority right now. He just confuses me so much. He can sit there and tell me how much he misses me and that life is so hard without me, but yet he still does not want to pursue anything right now. And I hear from mutual friends that it is a decision that he thinks about every day. I don't know if it's the holidays or what, but I'm really feeling down lately.
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