AverageJoe Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Been dating a girl for a lil while now. First couple of weeks of dating, the topic of porn comes up. She asks, do I watch it? I say, yeah. She kinda played it off and in a joking manor and says, I couldnt be with someone that watches porn. I didnt say anything else at that point, and dissmissed it. About two weeks later, she is my closet (not sure why) and finds a dvd, and starts to go off on me. This is how it went. Her: I thought you didnt watch porn! Me: I never said that, in fact I told you I do. Her: Well im not comfortable with this kind of thing. Me: I certainly understand, however its not as if I fantasize about the gals I see in porn, or as if im putting them before you. Just something I indulge in from time to time. Her: Well, I just cant deal with it. Me: Ok, sounds as if you have a decision to make. Her: Huh? Me: I am me, and if your not secure enough to deal with it, im not comfortable with you. So this isnt going to work out. Her: I guess Me: No need to guess, its fact. Her: Well, im leaving. Talk to you later. Too bad, I really liked this girl. =/ 1
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 So basically, you sacrificed being with a real, live woman for an occasional two-minute fantasy? Way to go. Men are such idiots.
Outcast Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 No, he got rid of someone who is far more uptight about sex than he is. It wouldn't have worked out anyway.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Believing that sex should not be cheapened, or that the objectification of women is immoral does NOT mean that someone is uptight.
Tangerina Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 I don't get the sense that he gave up the girl for porn, he just didn't want to be with a girl who was going to try to control his actions and who he is... Jen does have a point, though.... if you really like this girl it could be worth giving up the porn... She sounds kind of immature, however, and if you get the sense that she will just try to be insecure and controling about other more important things than maybe this early warning was for the best... I firmly believe that relationships are not about changing your SO, but they are about finding ways to be together and still be your own person... if you are defending porn more on the principle of resisting being controled than any real need or attachment to it, then maybe it is time to give in and compromise on the porn in the name of finding a way be a couple that works for both of you... it sounds like the porn doesn't work for her... but compromises aren't one sided... maybe you can come to some sort of understanding, maybe you could watch it together or maybe you could help her to understand exactly how you feel about porn and what place it has in your life... my ex BF was insecure about me using my vibrator... he never tried to tell me to stop but if he had he would have been in big trouble because it is important for me to have a vibrant sex life with myself and it helps me be a better lover for him... maybe your relationship to porn is similar, maybe it isn't.... but maybe you can help her understand and maybe it is worth giving in a bit in order to be with a great girl... Just please don't lie, though it sounds like you would rather hold your ground than lie.... but many people tell their SO's what they want to hear and then keep doing what they want and that doesn't help anyone to grow in the relationship.... lying, even about small things, ultimately causes big problems and mistrust....
Lights Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 So basically, you sacrificed being with a real, live woman for an occasional two-minute fantasy? No, he chose to change the nature of his dealings with a woman with whom his beliefs about pornography weren't compatible, and chose to start a search for one with whom they are. Men are such idiots. "Your mouth may yet bring you much trouble, Miss Heartbroken. I deliver a message: Shut it." 3
ButtonPusher Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 "Your mouth may yet bring you much trouble, Miss Heartbroken. I deliver a message: Shut it." This forum is a place for people to freely express their opinions without being threatened by other posters because of those opinions. It's not jen that needs to be warned Lights, its you that will be booted off the forum if you threaten other posters.
Outcast Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Chill BP. Nobody threatened anybody. Believing that sex should not be cheapened, or that the objectification of women is immoral does NOT mean that someone is uptight. Riiiiigght.
targetbag Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Well, I think you definitely made the right choice. If porn vs. this girl was such a no-brainer for you, then you probably weren't as in to her as you thought you were. Good luck finding somebody you're more compatible with, and kudos to you for being honest.
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 They weren't that serious. I mean if you really liked her alot I think you would've given up the porn (or atleast cut it down and kept it quiet) for her. I agree, good for you for being honest. I'm sure she was abit hurt but she was honest about how she felt about it.
grace2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 When me and my ex were dating she looked at porn videos and it didn't bother me. She's looking but not touching. As long as she was not touching that was fine. I believe I have no business telling any woman I'm dating what they can and cannot look at. Now if it becomes an obsession whereas it interfers with the relationship and my partner is neglecting me then that's when it would bother me. It would bother me if porn consumed up all her time because that means she's hooked. I don't think the original poster has an obsession with porn so I think his gf is blowing it way out of proportion. I won't get into a discussion about the morality of looking at pornography. I think that's for a different thread.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 This forum is a place for people to freely express their opinions without being threatened by other posters because of those opinions. It's not jen that needs to be warned Lights, its you that will be booted off the forum if you threaten other posters. Thank you BP. My comment about men being idiots was a generalization, and wasn't directed at any one particular person...unlike the rude individual you addressed.
Outcast Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 My comment about men being idiots was a generalization, Oh well then. That makes it SO much better.
sparticuss Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 No no no Joe! She didn't break up with you over porn. She broke up with you because she is still a child. She broke up with you becasue you are not the handsome prince that her childrens fairy stories have fed her. As women grow theygrow out of fairies, and dragons, and santa but they don't grow out of theat handsome prince. He then becomes the "perfect man'. And your name says it all average Joe. You aint perfct I aint perfect. If she hadn't broken up over porn she would have broken up over your smoking, (of not smoking when she does) or your lack of fashion sense, or becasue you snore or suffer from premature ejaculation. The web has stories of totally shallow women who have made a rampagin fuss and broken up over boyfriends who have worn plaited belts on dates, or checkered shirts. Or have putthier seat belts on and the girls have regarded that as "childish". She didn't break up with you because of porn. She broke up with you becasue she is a typical shallow, childish, female, who still has a decade of growing up to do. This drivel about "cheapening sex", or "lack of respect" is just a mob of sheep going baaa baaa baaaa. 1
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 His ex-girlfriend is the adult in this situation. I applaud her for sticking to her principles and for walking away from a man who does not respect women. Yep, porn is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.
ashley83 Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Chill BP. Nobody threatened anybody. . Uh, he did threaten her dumbass
Outcast Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 1. Name-calling isn't allowed here 2. THERE WAS NO THREAT
Author AverageJoe Posted December 27, 2005 Author Posted December 27, 2005 Lots of interesting replies. I mean if you really liked her alot I think you would've given up the porn (or atleast cut it down and kept it quiet) for her So, im supposed to be the one to change, not her? Like me for who I am, or dont. Its simple. I have been in relationships where it was mutual fun. Keep it quiet? Why in the world would I do that? That is disaster from the start. Outcast nailed it. It wouldnt have worked.
Craig Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 So basically, your ex gf sacrificed being with a real, live man because of an occasional two-minute fantasy? Women wear jackets designed to show their butts, tops that show cleavage, skirts and dresses that show a little or a lot of leg and slacks or pants that accentuate their curves. Women have push up bras, forming pantyhose, girdles, bras (some with built-in nipples), hair dye, hair extensions, fake eyelashes, bras that serve no other purpose except to deceive a man into believing that the wearer has larger breasts than she really does and a whole lot of other tools, tricks, tape, glues, potions, chemicals, surgery, makeup and etc. that are all about the objectification of women. It would seem that the objectification of women is fine with some women as long as she is the object that her man pays attention to. Fascinating.
johan Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 "I'll give up my porn when they pry it from my cold, dead fingers". I've never understood people who are militant about porn. It just seems silly to me. It seems wise to pick your battles. In my battles with the woman I love, I wouldn't plant my flag on another woman, moving pictures of other women, or still pictures of other women. I'll take a live woman over a picture or movie any day.
sparticuss Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 So basically, you sacrificed being with a real, live woman for an occasional two-minute fantasy? Way to go. Men are such idiots. Now which paticular men are you referring to ?????? Well??? Aristotle perhaps? Archemedies, Leonardo Da vinchi, Gallerleio, Newton, Copernicus, Charles Darwin, Einstien. Idiots nothing! Bunch of geniuses and not a female among the lot of em. And fair warning.! Do preach about sexism in science. Science has always been open slather.
sparticuss Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 No, he chose to change the nature of his dealings with a woman with whom his beliefs about pornography weren't compatible, and chose to start a search for one with whom they are. "Your mouth may yet bring you much trouble, Miss Heartbroken. I deliver a message: Shut it." Oh go on with you lights. I'm enjoying taking this idiots stupid, two faced, comments and rippping them to piecies.
sparticuss Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 So basically, your ex gf sacrificed being with a real, live man because of an occasional two-minute fantasy? Women wear jackets designed to show their butts, tops that show cleavage, skirts and dresses that show a little or a lot of leg and slacks or pants that accentuate their curves. Women have push up bras, forming pantyhose, girdles, bras (some with built-in nipples), hair dye, hair extensions, fake eyelashes, bras that serve no other purpose except to deceive a man into believing that the wearer has larger breasts than she really does and a whole lot of other tools, tricks, tape, glues, potions, chemicals, surgery, makeup and etc. that are all about the objectification of women. It would seem that the objectification of women is fine with some women as long as she is the object that her man pays attention to. Fascinating. Cliched Craig, but accurrate. You forgot one. If a woman has a breast removed for breast cancer then reconstrction surgery is often essential before she can function menatally again. I have had melanomas removed from my FACE, and I'm not loooking for plastic surgery. My only concern was blindness from a nasty lump removed from next to my eye.
sparticuss Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Now let me see Joe First couple of weeks of dating, the topic of porn comes up. She asks, do I watch it? I say, yeah. About two weeks later, she is my closet (not sure why) and finds a dvd, and starts to go off on me. This is how it went. Yea right! Been dating just over a month and she's already snooping through your private effects. Thats invasion of privacy and thats a criminal offence. I'd put in a complaint with the police and press charges. Her: I thought you didnt watch porn! Me: I never said that, in fact I told you I do. And she's lying through her teeth to you face. What else is she going to lie through her teeth about.? ( When I hear this kind of fuss I often wonder if the thing shes not telling you is that she's on one of those DVDs. If she is it wouldn't be the first time some girls made a fuss over porn to keep her own past hidden.) 1
Author AverageJoe Posted December 27, 2005 Author Posted December 27, 2005 Johan I absolutely agree. Although, the principle of it is what gets me. Why should I lie about it. Do I watch porn? Sure. Do I make it my way of life? No. If I were to say I will never, ever, watch porn again. Would be a lie. So I might as well get it out of the way in the beginning. To do otherwise would be unhealthy in a relationship.
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