Tre Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 Hi Guys, I am worring about my relationship at the moment and I would really love some advice from anyone who could give me their perspective or anything on this. My girlfrind and I are both 25 years of age. Basically I have been going out with my girlfriend for a year now. She is American, I am English, and we met whilst working together in Japan. Complex I know!! Anyway, they way things have turned out is like this: We have both left Japan and she is back in America, I am going to live and study in America from January so that we can be together and this is a plan that we have both been working towards since almost the start of our relationship. When I go to America in January we will, at that time, be living in the same house together so that in itself is a rather big step in our relationship that I believe we are both happy with. So far our relationship has been developing well and we are both in love with each other. I think we are pretty good together and we dont realy argue that must etc etc...you get the idea. Appart from one thing... She says she believes in god and at the beginning of our relationship we didn't talk about this and she never went to church or anything (although she still had her faith) so it was not an issue. But unfortunately about a month ago her mother passed away from illness and now she tells me she wants to persue a relationship with the Lord. Now I have no faith, basically I do not believe in god and thats just me. I dont press any of my views on anyone not least her and I will accept anyones beliefs as long as they dont hurt others. So if she wants to go to church and follow the Lord then I have no problems with that, I have even been to church with her and I dont mind that as long as she knows I cant "love god". But she does have a problem. She says that she does not know how she feels about religion in our relationship right now with everything that has happened with her mum. She said she cant make a decision about wheather or not we can stay together for at least a year and most probably it will all be ok. So this leaves me feeling very worried. I feel as though she could be the one and I have gone to great lengths to be able to live with her in the U.S. from next year. I really could see myself marrying her some day. I just feel like this is a big dark cloud hanging over my head now. I want to resolve this problem but I can't, and I feel if I keep asking her about it she will get annoyed by this. She told me that no relationship has any garantees that it will work out which is true but I said that usually you dont tell someone it might fail at the start. I dont know why she is doing this or what I can do. All I know is that I want to stay with her and not have to worry about this for the next few years. I'm thinking it might be tempoary because of what happened with her mum. Or maybe she wants me to support her now in her hour of need and kick me out later. Or, as I know she is afraid of commitment maybe its her little loop hole out of the relationship if need be in the future?? Basically I dont know what to do or think. I really need some advice. Thanks so much. T.
quankanne Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 whoa, honey! that's a whole lotta things to be worried about. practical question first: are the two of you still wanting to go forward as housemates? Or has her renewed interest in her faith caused her to rethink this, hence your concern? spiritual observation: her finding her way back to her faith should not give you undue cause for worry if the two of you agree to respect each other's beliefs or lack of. While it is more of a challenge putting yoking an unbeliever with a believer, it's not impossible, especially if you've got that respect for each other's beliefs. She may be thinking that she's got to think this difference through, even though she feels pretty sure that all will end well. I think that even though you do not feel as she does, spiritually, showing your support of her journey will make all the difference in the world, because it tells her that you want this for her because she wants it for herself. Whether or not it's a fleeting thing brought on by the death of a loved one, it's a very real landmark in her faith journey. don't give up; if this is the one whom you love, standing by her will go a long way in giving your relationship a more solid basis, as her standing by you will do.
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