sanne Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 Hey guys, it's been a while since I've last posted or even been on these forums. Anyways, I've been keeping strict NC (absolutely no contact whatsoever) for about 4 months now. I feel a lot has changed for the better, and I'm a much different person now than before. In the past, NC was something I always wanted to do but I could never see it through for some reason. I decided that being on LS constantly was just reminding me too much of my ex, so I decided to withdraw myself from this site and anything that would remind me of my ex. I buckled up in school, started hanging out with old friends, and got my life back on track. I can't tell you what a great feeling it is to wake up each day and to be happy. To not have incredible emotional upswings and downswings constantly, and to not have my happiness reside in another person's hands. I finished the quarter with 3 solid A's, a full 4.0 GPA, something I've never even came close to accomplishing. I've rebuilt a lot of old relationships that were on the verge of collapsing. To sum it up, I'm a much happier person and I'm loving my life. This past week I just went to Vegas with the boys and had the time of my life. It was the best trip I've ever been on. Met this adorable asian chick and we hooked up that same night. First piece of ass I've had in the past 4 months, and it was great. Better than my ex ever was, it's a shame she lives many hours away from me. I still do think about my ex sometimes, i've learned it's almost impossible to get them out of your head. Sometimes, especially right now, I wonder what she is up to and how her life is going. I suppose it might be nice to sit and chat someday, but if it never happens I know I'll be ok. I think, more than anything, I'd like to know that I meant something to her and that she does still think about me because I know I will probably never forget her (even after all the horrible things she did to me). I'm no longer angry or bitter towards her, I'm really indifferent about things to be honest. I look back on the relationship and wonder how I could ever be so weak and spineless. My advice for everyone in the struggle is to keep walking. It really does get better, but you have to take the long hard road before it gets any better.
pippen_2k Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 Good to see your doing well Sanne. I had a bad feeling when I saw ur thread, it was gonna say she has started contacting you again through your NC efforts. Im glad thats not the case. Keep doing what your doing and the thoughts of her should get less and less.
riobikini Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 WORD from the 70's: WAAAYYY TO GO!!!! (Smile) -Rio
Author sanne Posted December 27, 2005 Author Posted December 27, 2005 hey pippen, it's good to see a familiar face here, how's everything with you and your ex? last I heard she was hitting you up for booty calls? and guys, yes there will be setbacks, it's only natural. the most important thing is that you fight off those initial setbacks with everything you have got, as time goes by the effect they have on you becomes weakened. as of right now, I don't even remember my ex's phone number, how her voice sounds, or even what her face looks like (in detail). i don't even really remember much about our relationship at all. she's literally disappearing from my memory, and I know in a year or so I'll only have vague memories of what our relationship was like.
pippen_2k Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 haha nah Im doing good now sanne.. Them Booty Calls were way back like in May.... and im almost 100% recovered now. What helped the most was moving city.. I now live 3,000 km away from her.
NightsEcho Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Hey Sanne, I havent been on in a long time myself, and then I log on and look who is updating. Glad to hear your doing good these days, and that NC is working for ya. Same with myself, NC since september! I made it throuch xmas without sending hert an e-mail or call, and I also made it through what would have been our 4th year on the 27th with very little effort. Were moving on team! Keep us updated on your doings mans NE
Author sanne Posted December 31, 2005 Author Posted December 31, 2005 When I look back at myself and my old threads, it's really amazing how much I've changed since I made the decision to cut my ex out of my life. It is literally the best decision I've ever made, and I'm kicking myself for not doing it all earlier. I finally went online today for the first time in a long while. I had a feeling my ex would be on as well, and she was. It was strange to not have butterflies in my stomach upon seeing her SN, but I felt nothing. No urge to contact her, or to have her contact me. To get to this point has taken me 5 months of long and hard work. But I made it and am so much better because of it. I can't tell you guys how much NC works, please you've got to promise yourselves to see it through. We hold on to these bad relationships as if we are never going to love again or experience life again, but trust me that you will. You just have to allow yourself to see that, and you can't do that if your ex is always in your mind.
meltwithme Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 Thanks sanne this helped, I'm trying to count the times where I got 'the look' from some hottie and didn't act b.c the ex was on my mind and it's starting to hit me now that I have to want to be happy w.o her b4 I can.
Author sanne Posted January 2, 2006 Author Posted January 2, 2006 what you guys need to understand is that no amount of recovery will ever get you to completely forget about your ex. if you once shared a deep bond with your ex, there will always be a small part of you that holds on to that. think of it as a battlewound or a scar. but the effect your ex has on you greatly diminishes as time goes on. those wild emotional swings and sudden onsets of sadness no longer happen. you can think back on the good times and not be overcome with grief. it takes a real committment and your heart and your mind must be ready to move on. too often, we still hold onto our ex's in our hearts even though we know we shouldn't. the healing process cannot begin until we truly let them go.
sick of it Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 can you define "letting go." Everyone says it, and it sounds so simple. Whats the process or realization?
Author sanne Posted January 2, 2006 Author Posted January 2, 2006 "letting go" is not simple. it's the hardest part about breaking up. personally, i knew that my ex was not right for me long before I ever had the courage to let go of her.
CaliGuy Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 can you define "letting go." Everyone says it, and it sounds so simple. Whats the process or realization? It simply means "accepting the situation for what it is and moving on." The process or realization is that you get it in your head he/she is gone. You do that by implementing NC first, working on self-improvement, going out with friends, excercising, spending time with hobbies, etc. For me what helped me let go was remembering how cold and indifferent she was. How she never took my feelings into consideration and was selfish. I thought to myself: "Self, you deserve better than that. You're a good person, good looking, intelligent, fun to be around, witty, etc. You can do better than this. One person should not rule your life, you need to know you're valuable and deserve to be loved and respected." When you decide to take control of your emotions instead of letting your emotions take over you, you'll see life gets better. Why give someone power over you when you and you alone are in control of your surroundings. You can let this person make you feel badly or you can decide that you want none of that. It's really mind over matter. If you don't mind, he/she won't matter. Work on your self-respect and confidence. Once you have that back you'll see that you will find someone else and life isn't so bad.
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