Zetter Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 After months of self analysis, I think I'm having a hard time with my divorce due to my own co-dependency. That and the inability for my ex to help me end this circus. She moved out, moved on, and yet continues to keep me hanging on in subtle and not-so-subtle ways...asking me to give her more time to decide, asking to be friends and see where it goes, etc. Our last emailings were basically me telling her that this was going nowhere and I needed a divorce if she wasn't changing her mind. She agreed and was supposed to email me the paperwork to fill out (that is on her computer). I haven't heard from her in 2 1/2 weeks. I am now dealing with trying to get over a person who really projected a lot of things onto me, and treated me like crap for a long while. Nothing I ever did was good enough, and nothing I did wrong was ever forgiven, no matter what I did to make up for it. Yet I have this feeling of failing her, of not protecting her, and not being there for her when she needed me. I know the facts, know I tried very hard, yet still feel guilty about where we ended up. I have sought counseling, and the question remains "why do I feel that I need to be with someone where my satisfaction results from the knife coming out?" Maybe I just need to find a healthy relationship to see how things could be great. Any thoughts or suggestions would be welcome.
Art_Critic Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 Decide for her.. take your future in your own hands.. File for divorce yourself.. you don't need her approval to do the papperwork.. do it yourself and have her served with the papers.. .. Show her that you are not codependant or reliant on her
bendit Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 Yes it all comes down to you and why you accept so little for yourself. And you are right it is about dependency and why you put your needs last and other people's needs first. Get books on Codependency. Your wife is also manipulating you using you and treating you like you don' t matter. Turn her OFF for a while by going NC. Don't answer her messages or contact her until you have some perspective and understand what YOUR needs are right now. If you do decide to make a fresh go of your life, she will continue to try and manipulate your feelings attempting to make you the guilty party. You will have to learn techniques that will allow you to cope with emotional abuse while you learn not to accept it in your life any longer. If you do decide to end this, make it a CLEAN break. People like you tend to be what are called BAD ENDERS. They let the pain drag on and on. Good luck. Pay attention to your feelings and take ACTION! regards
In Sync Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 People like you tend to be what are called BAD ENDERS. They let the pain drag on and on. uhh, bendit..come again? BAD ENDERS...that's a new one. I wonder if that applied to me at some point..hmmm.
bendit Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 I should have said people like US because I am also a bad ender. regards
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