How many of us spent christmas without the love of our life?

[My_Other_I]

1. I will not apologise for knowing right from wrong.

You shouldn't. But what you should know is that it is YOUR right and wrong. It is your own reality. How each person perieves life and reality varies.

Who say's it's wrong? The society? The OW? The MM? The W? Do you feel it's wrong? If so, then it is wrong....to you. It doesn't mean it's wrong in general. Your reality is influenced by your experience. Noone should judge unless he or she has had experience. In my eyes, noone should judge, period.

Western society has created all kinds of rules that are sometimes unnatural to some. Our society sufficates by it's own 'freedom'.

 

2. I will not feel guilty for expressing my opinions.

And you shouldn't feel guilty. You also shouldn't get angry if someone disagrees. You can state your opinions without attacking those who see things in different light. It's your opinion and you have every right to it, as well as I have every right to oppose.

[Sami_D]

This is to answer Sami D as well:

 

I had a long talk with him on the phone. While it is true that we have a chemistry that both of us say we have not had with others. But, we have to be practical. We are both moralistic good eggs to say the least. So this is rough on the conscious for both of us. I really do care about him and am incredibly attracted to him...BUT first and foremost, we are friends. I have encouraged him to seek professional help for himself and figure out what he wants for himself. The most important thing to him is his children. The idea of him not being able to see them every night sounds more hellish then sleeping next to his cold wife. In the end, I just want him to be happy. I realize I am getting the short end of the stick. But, I will be just fine on my own if that is what then end entails. I told him I used to be one of those women that sneered at the "other woman" and thought, how low is your self esteem that you have to go after a man who is not available. He asked me what I thought now, and I laughed and said...now I ask myself the same damn thing! Being the other woman has certainly been a learning experience for me. I will just have to take it day by day. My feelings for him are strong...but that is a choice that I can't force him to make. Most of all, he is a great friend and helps me see things in a way that I would have never looked at. He definitely enhances my life. Being the OW is definitely more complicated then I ever judgementally thought otherwise.

 

I am so grateful to have this website to vent on since my friends judge me so much that I don't have anyone to talk to really about it.

 

Hello again SHE.

 

I completely understand where you're coming from. This is very similar to my situation, and reading my last response to you again I can see there the frustration I'm feeling at the moment.

 

During the first few months of knowing him we were talking about how he could work on his marriage. After 3 months of talking, he broke things off with me with the intention of doing that. But we got back together months down the line, and by that time things were different for us. We were thinking of OUR future, and not his marriage.

 

Even so, what 'our future' entailed... seemed to be years of compromising morals, of lying, and of a hidden relationship. And his holidays with her. For exactly the thing you mention... his not being able to deal with leaving his children. But this past Christmas (the first since we met in real life - this began online) I realised that I cannot do that. So now what..?

 

I can't seem to shift out of this down feeling that I'm in. I haven't seen him for almost 5 weeks. Ironically, this is because he's terminated his contract in the city we used to meet in so that he can get a contract in a town near to me and come and stay at my place instead of hotels. But during this separation from him (during which he's been living full-time at home) I've realised that I NEED us to be together properly. All the lying has to stop.

 

So, this past week, as he calls me on his commute, that's what we've been talking about. How he really HAS to do it this time. He says that he knows, intellectually, that leaving his M will be the best thing for all in the end. But emotionally, he's not there yet. But he is trying. And hopefully soon he'll get this contract near me and we can spend some physical time together.

[Sami_D]

He'll tell me every time that he needs me in his life and he doesn't want to not have me around.

 

If he's not offering you anything other than an A, then I think he's being very selfish and unfair on you to say this.

 

If he loved you, he'd let you do what you (perhaps) need to do, and let you walk away.

 

Best of luck.

[Sami_D]

 

Remember Karma! Lets hope this one does not bit you on the ass one day!

 

Lishy, the same could apply to you. There are many OW who began by being very judgmental of Affairs. I'm one of them. SHE, whose post you began by slamming, actually mentioned this in her post.

 

But of course... it will never happen to you.

[Lishy]

Hey I should have kept my nose out of the OW threads. I sort of slipped into it yesterday by accident and I was not in the best frame of mind!

 

I should keep my opinion to myself I guess and stay away from this forum as I cannot have any sympathy for you guys.

[erika2610]

Hey I should have kept my nose out of the OW threads. I sort of slipped into it yesterday by accident and I was not in the best frame of mind!

 

I should keep my opinion to myself I guess and stay away from this forum as I cannot have any sympathy for you guys.

 

I don't think anybody's asking for sympathy per say.. just advice & support while they deal with what they're dealing with. The last thing these girls need is to be attacked. Alot of the girls have nowhere else to go, seeing as how they may already be being judged in real life..

[SHE]

Lishy, the same could apply to you. There are many OW who began by being very judgmental of Affairs. I'm one of them. SHE, whose post you began by slamming, actually mentioned this in her post.

 

But of course... it will never happen to you.

 

Thank you to everyone for your support AND most of all for reading ALL of my thread postings before commenting. Once I realized Lishy was a serial poster, posting in every forum with a comment about everything and everyone with out intelligence...over 800 posts in less than 4 mos...I felt embarrassed that I even entertained her now meaningless comments. I should have done my research. Best to just ignore those types than feed the fire...sometimes hiding behind a keyboard is the only way some people can spew their false confidence no matter how illegible. For those of you being attacked by the likes of Lishy...just remember, the condition of being uneducated, unaware, or uninformed allows their "opinion" to have no meaning or significance.

 

To those of you who have not shown that sort of ignorance, I certainly accept your knowledgeable advice and opinions as valid and inciteful as we all continue our journey to self enlightenment. Stay brave, stay honest and stay true to yourself in the realm of your own not others.

[scarletletter]

I agree with all of that SHE. I am considering leaving this site because when I came here all I wanted was to talk to others that were in the same situation as I am. I truly believe that the moderators should not allow someone who is coming here to give their worthless opinions on the forum. We are not here to be judged. If someone does not like what they read here, they should not come to this post. Its very simple...stay out of it and go to the post for saints and non-sinners...I guess some of you would have to start that one yourself since you are the only ones that I know who are perfect saints and have not ever made a mistake. If you are not in the situation, you should stay the h$ll out of here. Its none of your concern. Most of your postings are not even read by me, I just skip over them...so stop wasting our time and move on!

[My_Other_I]

Come on, you guys. She did apologize. Give her some credit. By this bashing you are doing exactly the same - judging.