How many of us spent christmas without the love of our life?

[scarletletter]

Just wondering if I was the only one feeling very lonely and empty because I couldn't spend christmas with the man that I love. Of course, he is with his family and I knew it would be this way but this is my first christmas being involved with him and it really has sucked. I guess it will always be this way but I knew that going in...although it really doesn't help alot. We couldn't even exchange gifts. This man is the best at being discreet and we have a mutual understanding that there will always be disappointment when we cannot be together because of holidays and children involved. It is such a lonely feeling and for the first time in this relationship I can honestly say that I am hurting. I have been so strong for so long...guess it was just a matter of time. I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same.

[Art_Critic]

Of course, he is with his family and I knew it would be this way but this is my first christmas being involved with him and it really has sucked.

 

Get used to the feeling.. there will be many many more holidays and birthdays that you will spend alone because of this man..

 

you signed up for this kind of loneliness when you decided to have a married man..

All part of the territory...

 

Sorry you were alone this christmas

[scarletletter]

I was far from alone...but lonely. Yes, I know I agreed to this and I am not denying that. Just wondering if anyone else felt the same

[Barby]

Yes I too was alone/seperated from my very loved MM but not because he was with his wife/family...in fact he was alone as well incarcerated (long story) but regardless I didn't spend it alone...it was spent with my ex (now turned BF again another long story) physically but in all honesty my heart was filled with love/longing for my MM.

[whichwayisup]

I really hope you both find someone else at some point in future. It's sad that you were lonely this year but you're in a situation where you know the rules so I can't say too much. It won't be the last time this will happen either.

[whyohwhy]

...we have a mutual understanding that there will always be disappointment when we cannot be together...

You mean, he has counselled you to accept the fact that YOU will always experience disappointment. I didn't see any posts from HIM on this board about how he pined for you. In all likelihood, he was so busy with his family he barely thought of you.

 

I suggest a New Year's present for you to give yourself: the decision to seek a SINGLE man who can offer you love and closeness, not emptiness and abandonment. Life is short, make sure you live the life you really want.

[scarletletter]

No, that is really not the way it happened. We both knew that there would be times when we couldn't be together and we both decided that we were strong enough to handle it. We talked for a long time about how this would pan out, before we ever got involved. I really don't have the right to complain because I did make most of the rules myself. I guessed I asked for the sarcasm and negativity by posting here in the first place. I am well aware that it is how most special day will be spent, I was only interested if other people were going through the same thing. I know exactly what I have done and I who I have done it with. I don't need a lecture on what is right and what is wrong and how its going to be for the rest of my time with him. I am fully aware of all of those things.

[goingforgold]

Scarletletter - how r u? I havent seen you on here in a while - but then i having been coming on here and often and when i do its just a quick drop in.

 

I hope you're doing well - Happy Holidays to you!!

 

I am sorry you werent with MM on these special days but dont worry neither was I - not that we have anything going anymore - have you been keeping yp to date with my post?? I think he is ignoring me.

 

I really feel for you, it was horrible not being with him, and even worse that he isnt contacting me, i called and hung up when he answered, i just wanted to hear his voice, to be honest he sounded grumpy.

[Lishy]

Think how grumpy his wife would be if she found out she is married to a cheating rat!

 

If you mess with someone else's guy you cant expect to see them on important days - On those days he is with the the woman he CHOOSES to be with!

 

Sorry for everyone who was lonely on christmas day - I wouldn't wish that upon anyone!!!

[slubberdegullion]

Lishy was busy... :(

[Lishy]

Lishy was busy... :(

 

Hi Subber hon I hope you had a great christmas!!!!!!!

[scarletletter]

He certainly didn't choose to be with the wife, but unfortunately she is there with his children...which he does and should choose to be with. It is really okay now that I think about it a little better. This was our arrangement. An EXTRA marital affair until he can financially leave the woman. She would take everything from him now. He could do it sooner IF I chose to tell him I would help him financially...but that is not going to happen. I work for me and my child and would not ever help pay alimony or child support for his family. I will just wait...and wait...and wait, if I want to, and if I don't, I won't!

Hi Mandy....I haven't been around much..holidays have been busy busy busy. Yes, I have been catching up on your situation and I really do think that you would be better off playing it cool for a while. Seems like he is playing some sort of game and you certainly do not need that. You need to win the game before he does!! Hope you had a good holiday!

[Art_Critic]

boy have you got a hook in your mouth..

 

until he can afford to leave her..hahahaha

 

You OW are so gullable.. you will believe anythign a MM will tell you ..

[ashley83]

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww you need to get out of this situation

[Marielle]

Me, scarlet..., I spent it without him...but I don't think it's such a big deal:

He was all night thinking about me, called me twice, and sent me a beautiful txt msg...next day we catched up, bought me to the nicest restaurant, a very romantic night.

Honestly I 've never been sooooooo much in love, so fullfilled and happy and he is too (I know how to recognize when a guy is in love)

 

Scarlet, it's not SUCH a big deal, but I understand you, even me I was sad!

I just try to liv e the present, I m happy, he makes me happy and he does what he can for me, and I know we will end up together...even though it's a big sacrifice I m doing by supporting him until the right time comes for him to leave her.

*****To the judgamental ppl: PLEASE STOP IT, SPECIALLY YOU ART CRITIC, do you really think those comments are doing anything for us? Yeah right, thanks for waking me up dude, let me kick the love of my life on the butt, and say thanks bu-bye...things are not that easy to do, and we are NOT stupid, we know the chances may be little, they may be lying, etc, but we come to this site for support, understanding, to share experience, like a group therapy. DO you think if you go to a group thereapy session, ppl are judging you and reminding you how WRONG is what you do? Is it constructive????NO!

[Art_Critic]

*****To the judgamental ppl: PLEASE STOP IT, SPECIALLY YOU ART CRITIC,

 

How is speaking the truth being judgemental ???

 

Would you rather I lie to you and tell you how sorry I feel for you and you just keep your chin up and your MM will come around ?

 

It isn't going to happen.. read the posts on LS..I know.. your relationship is different..

 

Did you know that OW/MM relationships follow patterns and very FEW break away from the norm?

[Marielle]

How is speaking the truth being judgemental ???

 

What truth, YOUR truth?!

I do not say my case is different, or to be sorry for me, you should envy me because I am very happy, I finally found love!

It' s not perfect, but I live day to day, accepting that what I have is more than amazing. And I do not feel I m doing anything wrong to other ppl, that marriage was over before me.

So, please, stop reading stats, and do other things more constructive than putting all your sarcasm in this board. At least I do not need it.

[Art_Critic]

How is speaking the truth being judgemental ???

 

What truth, YOUR truth?!

I do not say my case is different, or to be sorry for me, you should envy me because I am very happy, I finally found love!

It' s not perfect, but I live day to day, accepting that what I have is more than amazing. And I do not feel I m doing anything wrong to other ppl, that marriage was over before me.

So, please, stop reading stats, and do other things more constructive than putting all your sarcasm in this board. At least I do not need it.

 

 

My truth comes from my experience.. it doesn't make it my truth.. it makes it my OPINION

And if you don't need it.. don't read it..

[Lishy]

To say the love of your life is married to another woman is quite sad. To say that you will wait and be happy for the scraps he can give you is even sadder - Karma comes around and IF he does eventually leave his wife for you it will just open a new mistress vacancy.

 

If the love of your life, the man who makes you so happy, is such a devious liar then great. Just expect lots more lonely holidays!

[scarletletter]

You know...you people that have nothing supportive to say....why are you here? This is a group for people that are in the same situation and like to talk to each other about it. I couldn't care less about past experiences from art critic or anyone else. It is not MY experience and you have no idea what you are talking about when you try to judge my situation. It is a very delicate situation and it is the way that I want it right now. Yes, it is very very disappointing at times, however, I am mature enough to know why and can accept it. Whatever happened in your past, I am truly sorry that it left you such a bitter and opinionated person. You absolutely cannot tell other people that the same will happen to them when you have no idea what the situation is. Why don't you go to the forum for bitter OW who bash all MM and OW. If you were heartbroken, go the heartbroken forum...your rude opinions are not needed here.

[Lishy]

You reap what you sow!

 

And please don't tell us what kind of responses you require - This is a forum we can all have opinions and we can share them at will.

 

We do not mean to disrespect,its just our opinions.

[scarletletter]

Opinions are like a**holes...everyone has one. I have found that in this forum, most opinions are hellbent on trying to convince everyone that all MM are the same, which is simply not true. You absolutey have no way of knowing what is going on in someone else's life based on what has happened to you. I don't give a flip about people who say that my MM is off hugging and having sex with his wife while I am at home alone. There is no way that anyone would know that I know better than that and I'm not going into a 3 page story of why I know, but let me just say that not every situation is the same...Mine is totally different and I am here just to swap stories. Be as opinionated as you want, just means that you are one of the one's that has been crushed by a MM....I think that sucks, wouldn't wish it on anyone. But like I said, we are all so very different.

[Outcast]

I have never thought that this forum belonged here. I think it's gross that people in affairs cheer each other on in what they're doing.

[whichwayisup]

Opinions are like a**holes...everyone has one. I have found that in this forum, most opinions are hellbent on trying to convince everyone that all MM are the same, which is simply not true. You absolutey have no way of knowing what is going on in someone else's life based on what has happened to you. I don't give a flip about people who say that my MM is off hugging and having sex with his wife while I am at home alone. There is no way that anyone would know that I know better than that and I'm not going into a 3 page story of why I know, but let me just say that not every situation is the same...Mine is totally different and I am here just to swap stories. Be as opinionated as you want, just means that you are one of the one's that has been crushed by a MM....I think that sucks, wouldn't wish it on anyone. But like I said, we are all so very different.

 

I do agree, each situation is different and unique, so are the people involved. But the general outcome, all the pain and suffering that OW have to go through IS the same. Ofcourse no two situations are exactly alike, but with that being said, when you've read enough OW/MM threads they are very very similar. Broken promises, broken hearts all around.

[scarletletter]

I agree with that. It is very unfortunate that people set themselves up for heartache. We all have done that. It is the attitude about it that keeps me sane and knowing that I am calling the shots right now. I can never let him think that I am "waiting" for him. No way can I ever let him know how much I want him to leave and be with me. He has to want it badly enough to do it without me asking. I hate it that alot of people get hurt...mostly wives, and that is unfortunate that their husbands don't have the guts or whatever it takes to get out of an unhappy situtation.