teethbrushes Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 its been a year....I don't get why I still feel upset about this sometimes. I'm not supposed to I know! I got really, really dramatically ill after we broke up and I've been in and out of the hospital since Feb. And he broke up with me while I was becoming more and more ill (to be fair though, he didn't know), and then got with someone else a month or less later. He wanted to be friends back in the day, but now we have to see each other more or less everyday during the year and after that apparently he's "not ready" to be friends. Or else he hates me because I was really dramatic about our breaking up for a good 2 months. I definitely got accused of making it a big deal....but it WAS. He left me for no good reason very randomly. We had just spent the night together two nights before and had a great time and he kept telling me how much he loved me. So what was I supposed to think? I now see him everyday and he moved himself into an environment where I see him a lot. I think he wanted to prove to my friends that he is such a great guy, even though he like ripped my heart out. But the weird thing about him is that he's so obsessed with showing everyone how great he is that if there wasn't an issue with me...even if he HATED me, he'd still act like nothing was wrong because he'd want me to be like "OMG he's sooooo great!" I guess I sometimes get upset too because I had some friends who he knew better than I did and I got to know well who basically picked him after the break-up. I confronted a few of them about it and they got really defensive and said they didn't pick him and they still love me and stuff, but it doesn't really feel like it. Its just hard because I feel like I go through phases where I get over him completely and don't even care and then where I miss him a lot. I think it has to do with out of sight out of mind. When I don't see him for a while, I feel great! But then I get forced to see him and I anticipate it and I get really overwhelmed and nervous again, because its like a process of getting over him again and again. And its hard to do with him right in my face. there must be something wrong with me if I can't let go of him after this long. But its weird because I CAN when we're apart, but when we have to see each other, I go back to square 2 maybe. Not square one.... I guess I also just get really embarrassed because I loved him so much and I thought he loved me and most of my friends have been in this situation where they get dumped and after several months, the guy comes crawling back...and those guys live miles away from them. And we're right under each other's noses and he's not doing that. And it makes me feel like I did something wrong. And I get annoyed because my friend put it perfectly, "This guy is completely obsessed with you, but refuses to talk to you if he can help it." I wish I had never met him! I used to think everything happened for a reason, but I see no reason for him to be near me like this. (FYI, we were long distance and then he moved to where I live and now I see him EVERY DAY)
blind_otter Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 Ouch. That sucks. The best thing to do is move on. I hate when people say, don't make a big deal out of the break up. I mean, if the relationship meant anything to you then it really IS a big deal, isn't it? Just don't let it be the be-all end-all of everything. Find things to distract yourself. It's better, I promise. It gets better.
ashley83 Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 Did he move to your town to be w/ you?? He does seem obsessed. It's like he broke up w/ you so why doesn't he just be gone!
Author teethbrushes Posted December 26, 2005 Author Posted December 26, 2005 well duh the best thing to do is move on. But its been a year and I go in spurts. I do move on, but then we have to see each other everyday. When I go without seeing him, its great and I'm fine. But then when we have to see each other, i have to start all over again. I don't think he moved here to be with me, no. But he did do a lot of other things to make himself more "available" to me now, which increases our exposure to one another. And he acts strange. He used to be obsessed with staying friends because he actually IS friends with all of his exes...but he can't be with me for some reason. Yeah its tough. And I can't believe its been a year and I'm still hurting sometimes. I don't think I'll ever properly get over it until I don't have to see him anymore and hear people talk about how great he is on a day-to-day basis.
In Sync Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 You were not very clear about why you must see him everyday...do you work together, live in the same building complex, go to school...you left details out, so the advise anyone can offer can only go so far. Let's assuming you are merely saying it is because you live in the same neighborhood, must you take the same route or is there an alternative or worse case situation but for your peace of mind..you may have to move. Regardless of the actual setup, I must say..this is uncoomfortable for you to have to endure seeing this guy so it is up to you to do something about it. And I don't mean confront him. I mean take responsibility for preserving your happiness as best you can. To get over him you need hardcore NC and that means no visible contact as well as minor conversation contact (unless it's at work and you must convey information), and especially no hearing about him from friends. WTF?! If your friends can't understand your plight then I'm sorry make new ones. Because there's only so much being a doormat just to keep friends..friends are suppose to have your back, be your support through thick and thin. Obviously if they don't understand how awkward this is for you..how can you look at them and honestly claim they are your friends? Draw the line and don't accept less from "friends"...Remember BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND. Lastly don't beat yourself up over a breakup..you were hurting. You have nothing to regret or feel guilty about, no matter how you handle it. Take that monkey off your back right now. Who cares what this guy thinks..does he care what you think? Obviously not otherwise he would not be imposing himself around you...
Author teethbrushes Posted December 27, 2005 Author Posted December 27, 2005 we now go to school together and he lives a stone's throw away from me. no contact is completely impossible. He came in to my social circle after I had already established myself. We even have a class together. My problem with him is he acts SO WEIRD around me. It almost hurts my feelings. He acts okay with other girls he used to date, but he gets so weird around me...I have another post about it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t77594/ Its just really hard because I get over him and then i have to face him once more. And I can't decide if his problem is that he just doesn't care or he actually DOES care too much. I did nothing to him but get broken up with. And none of his other exes enjoy this sort of odd behavior around him. Its just really annoying. And it hurts my feelings. And I always wonder if I could have done something to prevent him from doing this or if I could have done something to not push him away. he was my first true love and it still hurts and I suspect always will.
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