RiRi901 Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 Is it fair that your partner hold you to what they've heard about your previous relationships years before you both ever dated from your ex that were private. Also is it fair they use things that were falsely stated from the ex-partner against you that didn't involve them or your current situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 It's ok for your partner to ask clarification on what he heard about you. Once you've told him truth about what happened then he needs to accept it and never bring it back again or leave. No, they cannot use things of your past and manipulate you with it. You are dating the wrong person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 What are we talking about here? Are we talking about specific things that were told to the current partner by the ex, or general traits or patterns that the ex exhibited during their relationship with you? Cheating? Abusive behavior? Financial issues? It depends on the context and how it is being used. If, for example, the ex told the current partner that you cheated on them multiple times and the current partner brings this up in an argument or uses it to justify their own behavior, then it is not fair. The situation between you and the ex is not relevant to your current relationship and the current partner should not hold you accountable for the actions of the ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RiRi901 Posted March 21 Author Share Posted March 21 (edited) They mentioned private so we all know what that means. Nobody should be in your bedroom or any intimate business. Also falsifying things that happen that related to that. Edited March 21 by RiRi901 Added more to comment Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 Who is gossiping to your partner and why? Hopefully your partner asks you about anything rather than listening to hearsay. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 No, it's not fair. Anything about your past is yours to share with new people, not for others to gossip about or use to cause trouble for you. A partner who listens to someone talking smack about you is disloyal. They should be letting the gossiper know that their behaviour's inappropriate and then ignoring them. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 (edited) 8 hours ago, RiRi901 said: Is it fair that your partner hold you to what they've heard about your previous relationships years before you both ever dated from your ex that were private. Also is it fair they use things that were falsely stated from the ex-partner against you that didn't involve them or your current situation? 1 hour ago, RiRi901 said: They mentioned private so we all know what that means. Nobody should be in your bedroom or any intimate business. Also falsifying things that happen that related to that. It is unclear what the problem is, but from these two posts, I seems like your ex is telling your partner about what you used to do in the bedroom and your current partner wants that too. Is this correct? But how does the comment about things being falsely stated come in the equation? Edited March 21 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 Why is your current partner talking to your EX in the 1st place? That is too much drama for me. People are curious about their partners' past but they really need to base judgments on how you are with them, now in the present, not how you were in the past with somebody else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RiRi901 Posted March 22 Author Share Posted March 22 (edited) @basil67 No her partner is just pissed and disappointed about it. An the ex is lying saying it was more outlandish things that has happened intimately Edited March 22 by RiRi901 Incorrect word Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 4 hours ago, RiRi901 said: @basil67 No her partner is just pissed and disappointed about it. An the ex is lying saying it was more outlandish things that has happened intimately Who's partner? And who's ex? This needs far more background 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 19 hours ago, RiRi901 said: Is it fair that your partner hold you to what they've heard about your previous relationships years before you both ever dated from your ex that were private. Also is it fair they use things that were falsely stated from the ex-partner against you that didn't involve them or your current situation? Frankly the past is called the past because it is exactly that. I would imagine any semi intelligent person would consider the past but not hold it against someone depending on what exactly happed in the past and even then they should see that perhaps the person changed. In my view the past cannot define UNLESS there is a severely negative past pattern because its difficult talk away or ignore a pattern. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 Me personally would NOT defend myself to my partner over some hearsay bull crap. I would just tell them to ignore the bs. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 Yes, tell them to ignore the BS and then refuse to engage with the partner if they keep bringing it up. It's not about "fair" - it's about having boundaries Link to post Share on other sites
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