incognito Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 Things have been going downhill for months, we officially broke up a while ago, but have still been spending just as much time together, under the guise of trying to maintain a friendship. Well today, on Christmas, I have ended that....it's not the first time I've tried to end even the friendship. It's so hard because he emails me and phones me and I still love him so much it's hard not to respond...he goes from bitterness to begging. I know neither of us will ever move on and be happy if I continue to respond Am I doing the right thing by just ignoring that contact? It's hard to read his hurtful and hurting words and not respond.
Author incognito Posted December 26, 2005 Author Posted December 26, 2005 we broke up mutually in the summer. but have been trying to maintain a friendship. I am the one ending the friendship. because it doesn't seem like just a friendship, it's still like dating w/o the committment. I still love him, but it's a LDR and he doesn't want to move forward, and all we do is fight
Author incognito Posted December 26, 2005 Author Posted December 26, 2005 it's hard to read his bitter words towards me it makes me want to say sorry and put an end to the hurt
ashley83 Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 ooooh sounds like my relationship, but I didn't have the guts to break up, he did. For the same reasons as yours, we fight all the time, and he doesn't want to move forward. Thing is, we fight about the distance, which is only like 3 hours. I'm in school also, its hard. We are in NC right now. It has been 1 week 4 days. It's getting easier. I'm sad but its not as bad as the beginning. It was terrible. I couldn't stop crying.
Author incognito Posted December 26, 2005 Author Posted December 26, 2005 we are only 3 hours apart too. The longest I went w/o him is a week. It was hell. We've done that twice, he always pulls me back. I don't think he will this time, since he is really hurt and angry, but he's still sent me a good number of emails that I've not responded to, which actually is one of the issues we fight about. It's so draining and it sucks!!
ashley83 Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 Me and my ex broke up 1 time in the past also, and he pulled me back also after about a week and a half, haha. Right now, I don't think he will. He's just so hard-headed. I want to get back together w/ him because I love him but feel like he didn't appreciate me. I dunno. I don't have much faith in him calling although I hope he will. I think you guys ought to try NC for a while again. It'll be hard, but even if you do get back together, at least you'll be in a calmer state of mind after a few weeks of it.
ashley83 Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 No contact. You don't contact your ex. It's talked about a lot on this forum. It helps w/ getting over your ex, and gets you in a better state of mind to think clearly about your relationship.
Author incognito Posted December 26, 2005 Author Posted December 26, 2005 yeah....I was thinking that's what I was supposed to do. I can't believe it's come to this
Author incognito Posted December 26, 2005 Author Posted December 26, 2005 Do I ever feel like crap today. I do NOT want to be around family or anyone today!
white_angelbreath Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 its normal what you feel right now. takes time though to feel the same/normal/happy again.
Author incognito Posted December 27, 2005 Author Posted December 27, 2005 I sit here checking my email every 5 minutes hoping he will send me something. What is wrong with me!!! It's also hard for me not to go to the site where I know he is and read about how he's doing
soft heart Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Hi Incognito, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I know exactly how it feels. It's as if you are trapped and you are almost scared to make a step which would move you forward. You didn't really say much about your relationship (how old are you guys, was it dating or a real serious relationship, how long were you in a relationship, were you living together at all and so on) but in general it's actually quite simple. It took me months to realise this. you are overwhelemed by your feelings therefore you are lost and confused but try to step out of the situation. If a relationship is not giving you anymore happiness and it's not enriching your life, it's wiser to end it. It does not mean that you do not care anymore or he does not care anymore. It's because you are not able to manage the situation in a way that brings you happiness and emotional fullfilment. I am guessing that both of you are quite young. I think you should sit down and look deep into your soul and your mind and ask yourself WHAT YOU WANT and if this relationship is making YOU happy. If it's not and if it's causing you a pain and bringing you sadness then it's wise to stop. I had to take that step even though it was against my heart and my feelings. but for the first time I thought with my head and I realised that I do not want to waste any more of my time with feeling scared, hurt, painful, confused, unhappy and so on.. You need to explain in a mature way to your guy that you would like to stop all contact in order to move on. I do not believe in friendships, which exist from a failed relationship because if not both, one of the two will more than often hope for something more, they feel jelaous if they are replaced and so on.. If I were you, I would sit down and write down all your feelings about this relationship or your friendship and ask yourself if it's worth all the pain and all the trouble that you are facing at the moment. Most people will face once or twice or even more the pain of a failed relationship but that's part of our lives and we can only learn from them. If you are sure that you no longer want to be with this guy involved in a relationship and a friendship is not possible between you two, I would explain to him why you are ending all contact and let it go. He will resist and it will hurt but in a long run he will be grateful to you that you did not lead him on and you will be grateful to yourself that you helped yourself to move on. But this way you are loosing your precious time. Don't let him make you feel guilty. My ex-boyfriend made me feel guilty as well and he was the one who ended it but I am doing what's best for ME and he has got to take the responsibility of his actions as well as I do. Good luck. Be strong. You can do it. I can assure you about that!! If you knew my story from the beginning, you would never believe me that I would be able to separate myself from my ex-boyfriend but I did it and I know it's right because I am no longer trapped and I don't wait for him anymore. I am living my own life again without him. I cannot be his friend so I asked for absolutely no contact and that's the best for me. You have got to ask yourself what is best for you in each situation.
soft heart Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 And if I were you, I would stop searching for news what he is doing and how is he doing. you won't help yourself that way.
Author incognito Posted December 27, 2005 Author Posted December 27, 2005 Thanks for your post ...actually, we are both in our 30's. The problem is that I do want to be w/ him, and I do think he's worth it....however, he refuses to move forward until we deal w/ the issues that we have together...specifically, the issues he has w/ me. I however, think it's a work in progress and we can not wait for everything to be "perfect" before we move forward. I just can not wait for him to want to move forward anymore, I have waited a long time already....it doesn't seem like it will ever happen, which makes me very discouraged and less likely to want to work on the issues he has w/ me.
Author incognito Posted December 27, 2005 Author Posted December 27, 2005 Regardless of that, anyway, I know I'm doing the right thing by ending our friendship...we have tried maintaining a friendship the whole time, but boundaries are constantly broken, we both still act like we are dating, except there is even less commitment than there was before (and that's not saying much). Despite a deep love for each other, and being closer than we've ever been to anyone else, I am starting to think we shouldn't be together. We jsut have such a messed up relationship to even begin w/
Author incognito Posted December 27, 2005 Author Posted December 27, 2005 Missing him like crazy right now!!!!
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