mopar crazy Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 As a BS I found out about my H's A from good friends. They weren't trying to hurt me, they wanted to protect me, felt I had the right to know what my H was doing behind my back. Now, if I would of gotten a letter from the OW I would of been more pi$$ed than hearing it from someone I knew wasn't trying to hurt me. I can see that you are hurting, are upset, I just think the timing was way off on writing her this time of the year. Her H is a lying pr!ck and he deserves her leaving his cheating a$$ (if she does) but you really should of waited if you felt you needed to tell her. And who knows, she might already know but isn't doing anything about it. What s***ty thing to have to go through during the holidays, finding out your spouse is screwing around on you. She'll never forget this Christmas and every Christmas she is going to remember it was the time of the year she got that letter. How sad.
mopar crazy Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Give her a break.. immature and selfish are strong words for what she did.. The only thing wrong I see that she did was timing.. WW.. are you not an OW or have been ??.. being an OW is not the most mature unselfish thing a woman can be.. I agree the timing was way off AC, but it sounds to me she did this for herself, not for the W. She wants someone to hurt, just like she is. When my H had the A his OW could of easily called and told me she was screwing around w/ him so I would leave him alone and push harder for a D, but she kept she lied about it. She could of easily told me the truth hoping I would of hated H and had nothing to do w/ him (besides w/ our children). She wasn't stupid, she knew that H and I were still seeing eachother during our separation.
ww Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Yes Art Critic, I WAS the OW. Was not that selfish and childish enough? Was I suppose to write the letter to wife too? If she really wanted to start being honest, why did she sent anonymous letter? IMO that was not really proper thing to do. Rodeogirl, we all make mistakes. After all we are just human. I can understand your pain and what you are going through. But for your own sake, let go of whole situation and move on. Never mind what and how is he dealing with his W and thank god that is not your business. I am really not trying to bash anyone here, but i think i am allowed to speak out my opinion.
Leid Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Ruining other people's holidays shouldn't be celebrated!!! I don't care who they are. I think the best revenge is to grow better (and better-looking) with time so that those who did you wrong will realize it didn't have such an adverse effect on YOU. All other types of revenge, like yours, just leave a bitter taste in everyone's mouths. You may *think* you're celebrating now, but I think this will come around and bite you in the **s. Karma's a b***h. [p.s. I'm not a wife, but OW; and I wouldn't think of stooping so low] m my opinion
magda Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 If he is as you say, it is only the wife who will suffer from your news - not him. I can understanding celebrating that your involvement in this affair is over with, but to celebrate the hurting that you are about to jumpstart in her family doesn't seem very moral. I do understand why you have done this, but it doesn't make it right and I think that you will find that it doesn't really make you feel better to cause pain. You will feel bettr when you forget this part of your life and find happiness. Good luck having healthy, reciprocated relationships in 2006.
suegail Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 I guess I'm not understanding this altogether, because you knew from the beginning the situation was all about lies and cheating and unfairness and you were as deeply involved in that as anyone could possibly be. And it seems to me you were quite satisfied until you found out you were being cheated as well...up until that point what was fair or unfair where his wife was concerned didn't apparently make a great deal of difference to you. you're now taking this indignant stand on what grounds? 1
BUTAFLY Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 I completely understand where you are coming from in writing the letter....I don't think its so wrong...and karma...he is the one who gonna have it coming to him.
ahotmess Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 It sucks to hurt at Christmas....but isn't this W going to hurt...no matter what time of year she finds out? Isn't she going to hurt worse, the longer she lives her married life, the longer their bond "strengthens". She deserves to find out. I do not think rodeogirl did this to hurt W. W really isn't even involved in this affair...atleast not by choice. The pain the OW is feeling, does not have anything to do with W. And wouldn't you want to know? If you were W? I am not saying that I would contact my MM's W. I have no desire to do that. I just want the whole thing to be over. Done with. I am an emotional wreck...finished. People do what they have to do to protect themselves, wether it be emotionally or physically, in the situation that they are in. We make mistakes. We are not here to call people names...the last I knew....rather, I view this as a support group. Meaning we throw things out as they are. Keeping things real for eachother. It makes me sad that people actually are name calling and such. I guess we expected that behavior, the first sweet/wonderful time we layed with a man...with a golden band? I know that to the world I am just another "sinner". What I have done is no doubt wrong. But we OW have a bond...an understanding that all the "perfects" (hehehe) out there do not understand. Good luck to you...whoever you are!
seachange Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 I do not think rodeogirl did this to hurt W. W really isn't even involved in this affair...atleast not by choice. The pain the OW is feeling, does not have anything to do with W. And wouldn't you want to know? If you were W? ahotmess - I think this is actually contradictory. Either the W isn't involved and therefore doesn't have any need to know, or she is and has a right to know. So which do you think is true? People do what they have to do to protect themselves, wether it be emotionally or physically, in the situation that they are in. And this is the thing...the pain the OW is feeling does not have anything to do with the W - except that she has now made it the W's business. It's one thing to go about saying, oh, the wife has a right to know and I want to help her, and quite another to do it out of spite and a desire to bring down the MM, while considering his family's pain to be acceptable collateral damage. Personally, I don't think it's a terrible idea to tell the W, because I think yes, ultimately, she ought to know. But I think rodeogirl's decision to tell her at Xmas was hardly about protecting herself, or was a particularly nice thing to do. It certainly wasn't in any way about innocent helpfulness; instead, I suspect it's kind of a continuation of the way rodeogirl has presented her feelings about this affair all along. She has as much as said she knows it's selfish and doesn't really care about how anyone else feels. I doubt, therefore, that she's suddenly becoming altruistic through this act of telling the wife the truth. I think this is just more of the same: she's pissed off and that's that. Still, now that it's all out, hopefully the air-clearing will begin. This is just my opinion and YMMV, but though the truth can be painful, it beats nebulous suspicions all to he!!.
EMJ Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 You don't have a clean slate. Your last action shows how little regard you have for anyone's feelings but your own. You are ridiculous and have nothing to feel proud about. He was always married, clearly sleeping with his wife, and you act like a surprised and hurt child about it. Yes, he'll certainly regret getting involved with someone as immature and narcissistic as you that's for sure. You can keep moving, you've done enough damage here...
Sami_D Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 You realize if he has kids you will have ruined their holiday memories forever? I would agree with this if the Moral freaking Majority didn't advocate BS telling the other BS all about it. One rule for one, one rule for another. Yeah... no-one gives a flying freak about the children.
Sami_D Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 this fugger is having sex in his office with 3 other females on constant rotation. Everyone on the board told you he was a no good loser way back months ago. You yourself were mad about what he was doing to you... so... why are you so surprised and angry now..? Then again... he reaps... he sows... And if his wife has any more brains than any of his OW she'll make alternative arrangements....
Sami_D Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 I felt special because I thought he trusted just me with his "secret" and I was chosen because he didn't trust anyone else but ME and that he thought i was the only person "worth" risking his marriage for. But what about all the 'I'm through with him!' posts you made three months ago when he didn't respond when you said you loved him..? And he thought it was all physical, but you had become emotionally attached to him..? Or was I reading it wrong..?
Sami_D Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 It really was not the best time to do this, if there ever is a good time. The thing is... and it doesn't matter how 'justified' or not the emotion is... that this time of year is BOUND to be fraught with reaction. And someone fecking around with someone else... HOWEVER misled, or whatever that person is... the Married Person... has really NO excuse or reason or hope ... they have brought it on themselves. And their loved ones. THEY are to blame, pure and simply, for whatever befalls them and their family. Whatever anyone else says. What happens to the OW is their own affair, and often a sad and lonely one. But they cannot be blamed for the tragedy befalling the family. That's due to the MM's lies.
Sami_D Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 You are immature and selfish. How would you like if someone did it to you as wife , or to you as being a daughter? I feel sorry for you going through all you went through, but that is not a good excuse for the childish and selfish thing you did. She may be all those things... but what does that make HIM..? Blame the FATHER of those children.. the HUSBAND of the wife... Only no-one seems to... and oddly, the loser never seems to post here.
Sami_D Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 ....I don't think its so wrong...and karma...he is the one who gonna have it coming to him. That's the thing with karma... we all think that the Other Person is the one who's going to be doing the suffering... hahah
Sami_D Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 People do what they have to do to protect themselves, wether it be emotionally or physically, in the situation that they are in. We make mistakes. We are not here to call people names...the last I knew....rather, I view this as a support group. Meaning we throw things out as they are. Keeping things real for eachother. It makes me sad that people actually are name calling and such. It would be good if this was the goal of every thread on here... but we have always to deal with the other comments... I just hope that first timers posting on here don't take away really negative thoughts. It's not always so easy. We're not always SO different. Hope you're having a good New Year ahotmess x
Sami_D Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 I think rodeogirl's decision to tell her at Xmas was hardly about protecting herself, or was a particularly nice thing to do. It certainly wasn't in any way about innocent helpfulness; instead, I suspect it's kind of a continuation of the way rodeogirl has presented her feelings about this affair all along. She has as much as said she knows it's selfish and doesn't really care about how anyone else feels. I doubt, therefore, that she's suddenly becoming altruistic through this act of telling the wife the truth. I think this is just more of the same: she's pissed off and that's that.. And of course it's not altruistic... but so what..? HE shouldn't have been messing around with all these women. And whatever rodeogirl's motives or thoughts or feelings... who cares what those are..? HE made the decision to get involved with all these women, and chose them WHATEVER their characters... and there you go... he got what he deserved. Karma, blah blah. And now what..? Why point the finger at rodeogirl in all this..? Her story is just one in this whole situation. Making her look bad won't help anyone else. He's an arse. His wife might be just as bad, who knows..? Wives are not invariably innocent and blameless in everything (we've read the details here!)... so...?
Sami_D Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 He was always married, clearly sleeping with his wife... Well good if he learns to regret his stupid actions. I doubt it, however.
newbby Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 The thing is... and it doesn't matter how 'justified' or not the emotion is... that this time of year is BOUND to be fraught with reaction. And someone fecking around with someone else... HOWEVER misled, or whatever that person is... the Married Person... has really NO excuse or reason or hope ... they have brought it on themselves. And their loved ones. THEY are to blame, pure and simply, for whatever befalls them and their family. Whatever anyone else says. What happens to the OW is their own affair, and often a sad and lonely one. But they cannot be blamed for the tragedy befalling the family. That's due to the MM's lies. i actually disagree with this. i believe everybody has a responsibility to everyone else. that may sound strange as i have been the ow. i also believe that in times of weakness we can f*** up.
newbby Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 i certainly agree with you sami, everybody loves to jump on the ow dont they? even other ow, when, the guy IS an arse.
Sami_D Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 Well perhaps we can all have something of a responsibility to some people... but everyone having a responsibility to everyone..? Even people we don't know..? Well, perhaps we can. If we're really careful. And thoughtful. That doesn't take away from my argument that a FATHER and HUSBAND has the ultimate responsibility to those he's fathered and married... it's HIS responsibility when he gets someone else involved in their lives. And HE is the one to blame. Isn't he their DAD..??
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 i actually disagree with this. i believe everybody has a responsibility to everyone else. that may sound strange as i have been the ow. i also believe that in times of weakness we can f*** up. I'm glad to read this. It means that some OW have a conscience and know that they bear some responsibility, because yes...we are all human and make terrible mistakes sometimes. It's the ones that see no accountability and have no remorse for their actions that really get my blood boiling.
Sami_D Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 i also believe that in times of weakness we can f*** up. Well yes, we all can (err... obviously I'm leaving out the Holier Than Thou crowd there)... but the thing is... he f***d up for 2 years... she f***d up for one moment over Christmas... tsk tsk... it happens.... he's the dummy.
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