ciara12step Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 me and my girl have an agreement of being exclusive to eachother, yet we are not together .. (reason being she wants time to think about what she wants with me, or if she wants me) and promises not to date other people or anything .. her actions are speaking so much louder then words .. im the one who always texts first, and she's stopped calling me lately (past 5 days) like she used to ... i dont know if its just because its christmas, but i did wanna see her to drop off presents for christmas .. she ended up goin out of town for the day with old friends, and that makes me feel like thats more important then me . we were only together for 1 month, so i know i'll hear some of the backlash from this .. its just that this girl made me feel like no other within that month . we nearly slept together for the first 3 weeks every night .. (i told her that was too much in the beginning, but she kept wanting me to stay) .. so i know i fell too deeply in that short amount of time .. and feel like a dumb asss for letting myself get this deep for someone .. i know the answer is NC .. i just wish i can hold up the NC even when she calls .. i feel bad if i dont return her texts .. but this hurts too much to be treated like this after being treated so beautifully in the first month .. christmas is reallllly hard ..
Craig Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 Hey, I've been in a similar though not so deep of a situation before and believe me the best thing you can do is of course maintain the NC, leaving it up to her to contact you AND get on with your life. Getting on with your life will show her that you are strong and capable. Do things that are good for you, carry on with all the positives in your life and keep busy. There are no guarantees that she'll come back the way you want but at least you'll be doing something good for you. In my case she came back after the month we had agreed to. She asked for a month to sort out her feelings, I carried on with positive things in my life and she came back with a huge and very public confirmation of her wanting to be with me. It was hard for me, I hurt but kept going with the positive things in my life. Best of luck to you no matter what the outcome.
Author ciara12step Posted December 26, 2005 Author Posted December 26, 2005 thanks craig for your words of wisdom .. so when your girl took the month break did she try getting a hold of you ? and how did u handle the situation, how did u feel ? how tempted were u to call her ? well she asked for space 2 weeks ago, and everytime i stopped texting or calling me, she would text me, and i would give in just to respond and not be mean .. but now im realizing that the more i respond the more she knows that im going to be there .. im too available .. i really need to do NC for once even tho she tries to get a hold of me .. shes just always used to me being so available .. how do i handle things if she starts texting me again ?
Craig Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 She didn't try getting a hold of me, though we saw each other accidently in passing a couple of times during that month. I made a point of not going to places I thought she might be just in case she might think I was trying to see her. I was tempted to call her big time but couldn't bring myself to do so because I promised her I wouldn't. I didn't try to find out what she was doing during that month, even though I really, really wanted to know. When she asked for the month apart I thought it would kill any chances we might have if I didn't agree and so I was supportive of her request. I felt anxious that she might be doing a longer break up with me or that we might not get back together for some reason. I was worried and concerned that I wouldn't be able to see her but somehow knew it was important to her possibly to find out more about me and how I handled things. We had become very close but not sexual, very quickly, e.g. slept in the same bed a couple of times but not had sex, I'd given her a full body massage without taking it to the sexual level (yes, it was hard). We'd walked in the rain, I protected her from a charging dog on a dark lonely trail at night, talked for hours upon hours, etc. I think she wanted to see how strong I was and if I would break the no contact for a month thing. The way I handled things was to immerse myself in all that was positive in my life and carry on despite the difficulty. How you handle things when she texts you again is up to you, no one but you can decide what to do. If it were me, and it isn't, I'd tell her that I'm not going to respond to her texts anymore and that if she wants to be with me to please make a decision soon. I know it's hard but you have to be strong for there to be any chance of a future relationship.
Author ciara12step Posted December 26, 2005 Author Posted December 26, 2005 appreciate your advice .. i just have to be strong and show that to her .. but i cant expect her to come back because i would be setting myself for deep hurt .. she promises that shes not interested in anyone, doesnt wanna date anyone, and guys ask her out all the time, but she says she has a boyfriend .. but u just never know if theyre lying or not .. its hard to tell .. it hurts to know right now shes out with other people besides me on christmas (she drinks and parties alot, loves to get drunk) .. so im more worried about those things too, she always tells me she knows what shes doin when shes drunk and not to worry .. its just her actions lately (by not calling or texting hardly at all) .. is a way she never acted before, which scares the living daylights out of me, but in the past whenever i gave her space, she starts texting again .. i only text'd her today and yesterday was because its christmas ... she comes back tomorrow .. this is what she wrote to me when she left .. 'merry christmas babe, i just got on the road to go to Reno with some old friends. I will call when i get back tomorrow, muah' and last night at midnight i text'd her merry christmas and no matter what im always there for her, so she text'd me with 'merry christmas my love,.. your so precious to me. Don't ever forget it, muah' and a couple of times that we argued earlier in the week, i tried to break things off completely and she wrote 'please dont make any decisions now, i love you' .. so as u can see .. i am so confused ..
Craig Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 she drinks and parties alot, loves to get drunkThis is in my opinion not a good thing and hardly something that most (I think) people would consider attractive in a SO or potential SO. Loving to get drunk is a red flag. NC sounds like a good option until YOU figure out if YOU want to be with her. Confusion is sometimes a sign that we already know what to do, what the next best step is, but just don't want to admit it to ourselves. Deep down do you know what the best thing to do is but don't want to admit it to yourself? Best wishes, I'm going to sleep now...
Author ciara12step Posted December 26, 2005 Author Posted December 26, 2005 i think your right craig .. i appreciate your words of wisdom, it does sound like i might know what i need to do .. i know what the best thing to do is, but im havin a hard time doing it .. cuz i wanna hope for that lil glimmer of hope .. if anyone else has opinions i would love to hear them too , thank u
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