Lonelystar Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 Breaking up is an emotional time and getting over it is tricky. I have gone through breakups plenty of times and in general they suck. To get over a break up you have to let yourself griev, but eventually come out of it. When I broke up with my boyfriend two years ago I went through 3 stages. The 1st was the inital shock, and the hope that he would want to come back into my arms. The 2nd stage was the crying, feeling that i was unworthy of love and that I would never find anyone like him again. The last stage was realize it was over and realizing I thought of him less. Sometimes I'd get sad again, but I would get out the sadness fairly quickly. Just know that it will get better, and you will eventually over come this. Life is about loving, and losing, and loving again. You have to kiss many frogs till you get your prince/princess. Focus on school , work, and family. Try to find things that make you happy, even though at this point it may seem like nothing. What also helped me get over my breakup was listening to Alanis Ought to Know a million times and Survivor by Destinys Child. Find a mean angry song and listen to it over and over again. I'm in a relationship right now that may end and I know it will hurt again. However, eventually I will get over it. We are all strong and can survive. I hope this will help some of you, if not I'm sorry for taking up so much space! 1
symbol Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 Great post lonelystar, it always helps to know that there are many people out there who have gone/are going through similar things. I think I went through those stages as well. Now, I think I am in the final stage and looking back, I remember how much pain I was in and I am thankful that those days are over. It takes time, but the pain ends some day...
starblitz Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 But why does it have to be so painful every time??? And being on NC makes me more and more curious of what is going on in his life, how is he moving on... Why is it so hard?
Author Lonelystar Posted December 26, 2005 Author Posted December 26, 2005 It's hard because you invest emotion and time. The future you thought you had with this person is completly crushed. No contact is hard because all you want to do is fix it. You want to call them and think this will change their mind about being with you. I know No Contact is hard but do it for your own self esteem. Don't look weak. Write them a letter instead and just don't send it or give it to them.
FireReady Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 When you open up your heart to someone, and let down your gaurds, and then it hits a wall and you lose that someone, then it hurts. Because you put your trust and faith in them, and they didn't reciprocate. As much as it hurts to break up, I still think it's better to at least place yourself in the "vulnerable" state of a relationship, than to never open your heart again. And there are so many ways of finding support once you do break up, such as girlstalkaboutitall, or friends, or obviously, this place.
white_angelbreath Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 Getting over a break-up is really a learning process. Its that stage in your life that you want to know more about yourself, your ability to fix your mistakes, and getting on with the reat of your life. For my part, I realized that maybe the reason why there is a break-up it's not because the relationship failed but because it was successful to let me know that we were not meant for each other at that certain point and certain stage in our lives. It's really painful letting go of someone who has become almost part of my life and become my life for awhile. Have to move on though otherwise thinking of my past would kill me and my future. It's like investing (my time and enerfy) on nothing. I'll rather move on and rebuild my life again.
smile95 Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 It's hard because you invest emotion and time. The future you thought you had with this person is completly crushed. No contact is hard because all you want to do is fix it. You want to call them and think this will change their mind about being with you. I know No Contact is hard but do it for your own self esteem. Don't look weak. Write them a letter instead and just don't send it or give it to them. Exactly. I crave to call him and make everything perfect. It may be for that moment and I may be happy a day, but the issues always resurface. Thanks for this post. I needed to hear that thiings will get better.
Author Lonelystar Posted December 26, 2005 Author Posted December 26, 2005 No problem. I know exactly how all of you are feeling because I've been there and might be there again in the future. Don't lose hope at all and even at your worst point just tell yourself "that this to will pass" and that you will be better and happy again. Also remember you deserve the best in life and you wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be there for you completly or love you like you deserved to be loved. I hope everyone is feeling better and I know the holiday season can put a damper on things. However, I hope all you have a wonderful New Years Eve coming up. Go out and have some fun. Everyone deserves it!
Geoffrey Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 Hi all, Yes, I too have recently gone through a breakup with my girlfriend of 14 mos. (we lived together for a year). We have been separated for almost six weeks now, and although the sharp winds of grief and the cold, salty waves of sadness are beginning to let up, there are many moments when I miss her terribly during the day. The breakup was a mutual decision, but was driven largely by her own issues (there are many, including depression, job loss, substance abuse, etc) and her growing interest in someone else that I KNOW she would NEVER be with if she was well mentally. I stood with her for the past seven months after she lost her job (largely by her own hand) and fell into a deep well of a depression. She has not made any effort to get herself well, seek counseling, etc. and this has been painful for me as well. It was emotionally draining to come home from work and wonder what frame of mind she was in today...she is a wonderful, sweet, VERY capable girl and those are the traits that I held so close to me, all through the relationship. Sometimes when we look at someone through the eyes of love, all those other issues move to the back of the mind and the heart. I know that is true with me. In the beginning, she welcomed me and my children into her world, gave so much of herself and her time, her money, etc., It has been a slow unraveling, much like summer turns to fall and, in its season, cools to winter. I waited as long as I could for her, took excellent care of her during the bad times, loved her NO MATTER WHAT and I know that I am a much stronger, more loving man as a result. We have been doing NC, but when we do call or see each other, tears flow on both sides. I moved out, but still have a few things there to pick up, and she is in no hurry for me to come and get them. Is this because she is holding on....?? She tells me she has been crying for weeks, I just wish I could run to her and hold that woman close to me, tell her it will be all right, smooth her hair, dry her tears, feel that body that I know so very well (I know the placement of every bone, the movement of every muscle, every millimeter of skin) close to mine, feel her heart beat, and kiss the sweet-smelling place on the back of her neck, just under her hair. But right now that is easier said than done.... O my beloved, why must it be this way? How incomplete I am without you, you were the sun shining in its strength, you were the hand that rocked the cradle, you held my heart and my soul close to your breasts, you were a cloudless night in June, you were the stars glimmering though the pines....now I must erect a headstone in my heart, for our love now belongs to the ages....I've had many loves before you, and perhaps more will come....but this kind of certainty comes along only once in a lifetime.... .....see what I mean?
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