sick of it Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 im wondering if ive entered the last unoffical stage of getting over her. the one thing that keeps affecting my mood is thinking about what shes doing right now with him. not even just sexually. for example its x-mas. i cant stop thinking about how theyve probably exchanged presents. i wonder what she gave him. i wonder what he gave her. when do these thoughts go away? what can i do to get rid of them? she called me 2 days ago after telling me she wouldnt be talking to me anymore (1 month ago). so ive been doing NC since then. but since she called to wish me a merry christmas, ive had all of these grandiose thoughts in my head of reconciliation. nothing from the phone call should make me think that, but i feel like the aceptance thing has to start over again. the reality sets back in when i think about what theyre doing, how theyre spending x-mas, how they will spend new years. we both were very sappy at the holidays and i still am but have no one to spend it with. she probably still is and she has someone. i just dont know how to block out those thoughts. i dont know what thought i can substitute it with.
Zetter Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 Sick, it just feels good to know that someone else has the exact same feelings as I do. I woke up this morning wondering the same things. Then I made myself remember the fun X-mas fights we had - like her getting pissed at me because I couldn't make the dog and cat pose for pictures, or she didn't give a crap what kind of pie I should get at the store. That really sucks that she called you. In my mind that is cruel on her part - I would think she would know how you feel and she would know exactly what calling you to wish you a merry x-mas would do to you. For some reason, exes don't want dumpees anymore, but they can't stand losing the entire person so they do things to keep some form of contact...just enough to have a sense of you still barely being there. And don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't have answered the phone because you had to. Anyone in your situation would have, just to see what she had to say. Good luck man. Go watch some football.
Author sick of it Posted December 25, 2005 Author Posted December 25, 2005 Thanks Zetter. And i understand not wanting to lose the entire person. but as the dumper...im in a different place than she is. I want the entire person, and everything ive ever experienced with them. but because she doesnt and still wants to "know" me, i feel bad and immature that im not able to satisfy those wants. its either know all of me or know nothing?...that doesnt feel right. but i dont know another way around it. nor do i want it like that.
Brittanyjean06 Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 I feel the same exact way, It's been 5 months....and i go back to that feeling of feeling like its the first day......First chrismas in 3 years with out him.. and I am doing okay...just because it hasn't hit me again. When it does hit me, its the worst ever. who cares what they got eachother...chances are they wont last too long! and if they do, one of them will eventually get hurt
Zetter Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 Sick, I know exactly! how you feel. I told my wife (we are separated and supposedly filing for divorce) that I just couldn't be friends with her. We got together for lunch a few times, and inevitably mention of her boyfriend would come up. (Sounds funny, my wife's boyfriend. And he was a friend of mine, too, which makes it extra fun. So I have a very clear picture of what is going on between the two of them since I know them both so well, and that sh#@$t is on replay in my head.) Anyway, I told her it was too difficult to go from husband to friend. Then I had these tremendous feelings of guilt, like I was abandoning her! It even got the best of me, and I told her what I as feeling. She "comforted" me and let me know that she knew that I would always be there for her if she really needed me. Then I felt like an A-1 schmuck. But there is no way I could ever downgrade my external behavior to friendship when inside i have the deepest of feelings for her. For some reason.
dahlia Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 I put a post on the second chances forum. I feel the same way. We were together for 4 yrs. The last two he didn't work, and I never got a present. I was OK with it, but, now, since he dumped me, he has moved 200miles away, has a job and a girlfriend. I keep wondering what he gave her and it makes me cry. Why? Well b/c I wasn't good enough to get a present for the past two xmases. I guess he realized after he dumped me that he would have to clean up his act to have a decent relationship with someone else. It makes me so sad. So, no, you're not alone for thinking this way. I keep thinking those thoughts, too. And when he called last night, I thought it was b/c he missed me. No, it was to tell me among other things that he thinks we should be friends---and how his new girlfriend isn't as good as me in bed. That made me want to throw up
Art_Critic Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 and how his new girlfriend isn't as good as me in bed. That is just plain ole disrespect.. Never speak to him again and try to realize that he is an assclown.. what a jerk
Author sick of it Posted December 25, 2005 Author Posted December 25, 2005 That is very disrespectful. I cant imagine saying or hearing that. I know it doesnt matter what they get eachother. but its a showing of how they feel. my ex and i have been apart for about 7 months. i still want to get her jewelry or a puppy,...not to buy her love...but because i feel strongly about her and i know what she likes. im in no rush to be with anyone. it sucks that she found someone else quickly after our 5.5 yr relationship. i would rather be alone than to eb with someone just to be with someone. i think thats sefish and using the other person. id rather be alone then be with just anyone...but i still want to be with her. i dont want to spend forever pining. ive stopped telling her. i stopped telling her a few months ago. but i still feel it. im moving away from the area soon and im contemplating saying something to her...i probably wont. i dont even know what i would say. im sure this shows a lack of self-respect, but i wouldnt mind being the backup guy. if things failed with them, i would welcome her back. its different though, because things wouldnt be the same. there are aspects ive changed which she didnt care to see after the break up. and thats what i really want to show her. im getting off topic and changing the subject of the thread....
In Sync Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 .... And when he called last night, I thought it was b/c he missed me. No, it was to tell me among other things that he thinks we should be friends---and how his new girlfriend isn't as good as me in bed. That made me want to throw up After I read this my head spun around! WTF??! Not only was that DISRESPECTFUL, but it's borderline pathological. Ok, guys and gals, can you please explain to me why practicing NC is not a good thing..no matter how much you may have been in love. Was this information that anyone going through a breakup needs to know? Why take their calls or feel this slavish devotion to hear what the ex's have to say. Merry Christmas?? What does that mean to you now..when they're cuddled up in someone elses arms. I'm an apostle of NC, because from example of all who've broken it (myself in included)...I've yet to seen a case where one person here hasn't felt more sad and then started a viscious cycle of despair. I say as many have Block their #, return e-mails and absolutely no talking to these people. Let them go through fire and brimstone if they really want to get back with you. How easy we are to them if all that will settle accounts is a Merry Christmas.
dahlia Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 Hey Nsync. We have been broken up for two months. There was nc on either end. He called once, I did not pick up and he left a message. It wasn't what I wanted to hear. However, being that last night was xmas eve, and it was only the second time he tried to contact me, I thought ok, I'll answer, maybe he'll say something sweet and I can feel better about all of this. How stupid of me. I realize my mistake now, but who would have guessed what he would have had to say? It really hurt and now I am having the worst xmas ever. I knew it was going to be bad, but, little did I know that answering his call would have caused such a crazy situation for me. He actually said he wants to be friends. When we were having problems before the breakup, I told him we would be better off as friends. He said no way, he doesn't believe in that. Well, I suppose now that he has a new woman, and realizes that he misses my friendship, he wants to chat with me. I love getting real "deep" about many things and he obviously misses that. Well, too bad! My wonderful wit and personality will never be wasted on someone who dumped me!!! I honestly thought he was calling to tell me he loved me and missed me!
In Sync Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 Hey Nsync. We have been broken up for two months. There was nc on either end. He called once, I did not pick up and he left a message. It wasn't what I wanted to hear. However, being that last night was xmas eve, and it was only the second time he tried to contact me, I thought ok, I'll answer, maybe he'll say something sweet and I can feel better about all of this. How stupid of me. I realize my mistake now, but who would have guessed what he would have had to say? It really hurt and now I am having the worst xmas ever. I knew it was going to be bad, but, little did I know that answering his call would have caused such a crazy situation for me. He actually said he wants to be friends. When we were having problems before the breakup, I told him we would be better off as friends. He said no way, he doesn't believe in that. Well, I suppose now that he has a new woman, and realizes that he misses my friendship, he wants to chat with me. I love getting real "deep" about many things and he obviously misses that. Well, too bad! My wonderful wit and personality will never be wasted on someone who dumped me!!! I honestly thought he was calling to tell me he loved me and missed me! Oh Dahlia, The reason I became so enraged at reading your ex's comment, was because I WALKED A MILE IN THOSE SAME SHOES. Before I saw the benefits of NC I too during my broke up phase endured a conversation with the "X" over dinner at a special restaurant I took him too in the hopes that he would be a nice and we could be friends. Over dinner I endured hearing him say to me why he could not introduced me to his group of friends, His reason was, there was someone in the group that he was interested in hooking up with or had been together with (this is while he was having sex with me!) So she would not take it well if I were to meet his other friends. That's how incredibly delusional I was. Uh hmm. Damn Fool I was in otherwords. He too was pathological. What purpose was telling me that except to give him pleasure at hurting me? So when I read or recognize insensitive cruel behavior it makes me see how cutting these people off clear is for our own well being...because now we have these thoughts that will stick around in our heads for a long time to come. For the life of me how does someone you were with over a period of time (I mean this for everybody who's experienced this insensitivity) have no problem displaying such blatant disrespect..just because we loved them in spite of their dumping us, makes them need to show this lack of respect?
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