taylor3205 Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 People are telling me I need to slow down or Im going to kill myself. I have been eating valium like smarties and drinking copious amounts of vodka. I do not even know what I am doing half of the time. I was even on the hardt stuff the other night, I just go on 24 hour binges and its only since a few people have told me that I have began to realise i do have a problem at the moment. It just helps me get through each day. I really do not know what to do, the only time I fell half ok is when I do not even know where I am at. My head is a total mess and I and just getting deeper. I just wish there was someone who was there for me. I just feel so lonely and worthless. I have friends, and potential there is just something missing and I need to blot it out. Its christmas day and every1 is supposed to be happy. I need to go have my dinner with my family then I am going to go and get wrecked. I hope you all have a good xmas and I hope you all find whatever it is your looking for. I met the guy the other day, we got on great, he invited me to his b-day party but said all he is looking for is friends right now. He works a lot and is going thru A levels. He has told me he think im spot on and gorgeous but I still think he is letting me down gently. We have been in contact now for like 2 month. I just feel so sad and lonely. Happy xmas every1!!!!!
Author taylor3205 Posted December 25, 2005 Author Posted December 25, 2005 I got a txt off him this morning, saying 'merry christmas babes'. I have fell for him big style and do you know something, he would take all my pain away. I felt on top of the world when I was with him the other day.
Outcast Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 You need to get to a doctor. It's a safe bet that you're not well. A physician will help you to get out of this road straight to a slab in the morgue that you're on now. he would take all my pain away No he won't. He can't and you're expecting too much to think any one person can. YOU NEED HELP. Tell your family how unhappy you are and ask them to support you while you seek help.
riobikini Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 I strongly ditto what OUTCAST just advised you. -Rio
Author taylor3205 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 You need to get to a doctor. It's a safe bet that you're not well. A physician will help you to get out of this road straight to a slab in the morgue that you're on now.. Been to see a doctor. On w8ing list for counselling. Was just going overboard there for a while. I have a great person who is really helping me through this. Ive slowed down past few days and its staying like that. I had someone phonin me abouta job other day and I might be starting at another place p/t voluntary in January. No he won't. He can't and you're expecting too much to think any one person can. YOU NEED HELP. Tell your family how unhappy you are and ask them to support you while you seek help He maybe wont....but it would certainly help and give me a stabling influence in my life. My family know and they are one of the reasons it dawned on me just how bad I was getting. My mother is worried sick and I at least owe it to her to sort it out. Aint touched a drink for 2 days now. Still take a couple of vallies though as they just take the edge off. I think there will be light at the end of the tunnel. I just need to widen my social circle and become more active and stop binging.
In Sync Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 I have fell for him big style and do you know something, he would take all my pain away. I felt on top of the world when I was with him the other day. Who are you kidding, us here?..you've just swopped one drug for another. Like any dependent person, instead of cocaine to heroin you are using this guy for a bigger high. Doesn't take a genius to see through that. As for you 'felt on top of the world' a line all to often used to describe what will later send you crashing and burning...HOW does this guy make you feel so euphoric...I've noticed lately that when people are in total denial we seem to think the person before us or "object of obsession" is the only one who makes us feel this and that..which then turns you into a relationship addict. It's not a relationship YOU use the other person like a drug and become addicted to them. AND if this guy makes you feel a certain way, and you are using him to take your pain away...hello? what happens if he decides he no longer wants to be your painkiller..those things you want to feel need to be coming from within you. Until you are able to say 'I make myself feel on top of the world' depending on people for this source of feel goodness is a road to constantly being in the position of desperate dependency.
Outcast Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Been to see a doctor. On w8ing list for counselling. Excellent! Good for you!! I had someone phonin me abouta job other day and I might be starting at another place p/t voluntary in January. Terrific! He maybe wont....but it would certainly help and give me a stabling influence in my life. You can't count on that because other humans have their own problems. You need to learn to be your own stabilizing influence - or count on your whole family, who will be there for you for sure. My mother is worried sick and I at least owe it to her to sort it out. You sure do! Aint touched a drink for 2 days now. Excellent! Take it one day at a time - you know you can do this!! Still take a couple of vallies though as they just take the edge off. Really, the 'edge' isn't that bad. Once you get used to it, it's nothing. And the problem with taking the 'edge' off is that you take the fun out of the good stuff, too, because you're not sharp enough to enjoy it. Don't deprive yourself this way. Life's much better fully experienced!
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