KC514 Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 It is 5:20AM. I have not slept all night. I started dating a woman about nine months ago. She is wonderful and caring and thoughtful. Before we started to date we had known eachother five or six months. The short version is we fell in love. The longer, and decidedly more complicated version came when she told me over the phone after we had been dating for 3 months that during the six months before we were dating she was an "escort". That is the term she used. She was selling her body for money. She had quit about a month before we started dating, but felt guilty and had to tell me. She claims that she only did it for five or six months to remain independent in her life and not have to rely on her family for money. The last nine months have been trying. I come from a very morally grounded family. I fell in love with a woman, but she is a former prostitute. I cannot even bring myself, after nine months, to introduce her to my mother because I feel ashamed and embarrassed. Part of me wants to end it, but I feel that I can't. I have no idea what to do. I go a week without thinking about it, and then I see something in the news or hear something in a movie and all the emotions come flooding back. I feel paralyzed, unable to leave her and unable to tell her how upset it makes me sometimes. I feel like I need to talk to someone about it.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 I'm sorry. This must be so difficult for you. I think one of the things that must be bothering you is that she waited until you were together three months before she told you about her very recent past. I don't know at what point you and her became physically intimate, but I would imagine that you would understandibly feel untrusting if she told you after you two had sex. Someone that sells their body for sex, or is promiscuous, puts any future partners at risk for deadly STDs. Then there is the issue of her hiding her morality from you. Relationships where the people don't have the same morals and values are usually doomed for failure. If you are feeling ashamed and embarrassed to introduce her to your family, then I think you need to think about the long-term viability of this relationship. Can you see yourself married to her, possibly raising children with her? Whatever you decide, you really should talk to her about how this makes you feel. Perhaps her reaction to your concerns will give you an idea of how you should proceed with things.
sparticuss Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 It is 5:20AM. I have not slept all night. I started dating a woman about nine months ago. She is wonderful and caring and thoughtful. Before we started to date we had known eachother five or six months. The short version is we fell in love. The longer, and decidedly more complicated version came when she told me over the phone after we had been dating for 3 months that during the six months before we were dating she was an "escort". That is the term she used. She was selling her body for money. She had quit about a month before we started dating, but felt guilty and had to tell me. She claims that she only did it for five or six months to remain independent in her life and not have to rely on her family for money. The last nine months have been trying. I come from a very morally grounded family. I fell in love with a woman, but she is a former prostitute. I cannot even bring myself, after nine months, to introduce her to my mother because I feel ashamed and embarrassed. Part of me wants to end it, but I feel that I can't. I have no idea what to do. I go a week without thinking about it, and then I see something in the news or hear something in a movie and all the emotions come flooding back. I feel paralyzed, unable to leave her and unable to tell her how upset it makes me sometimes. I feel like I need to talk to someone about it. KC, For starters I'd have a really long hear to heart with a few working and ex prostitutes. Is prostitution legal in your part of the world? If not then try the Eros Foundation website for some placeit is. Some one, anyone, wo knows the trade and can talk honestly and openly about it. Most of these people belive that ex prostitutes do not make good wives,butthey will also be able to tell you, first hand, about the exceptions. Secondly How much does your family wrap you roudn thier litle finger.??? Sooner or later you have to be your own man, and to make your own decisions. Don't let family moralaties, (paticularily hipocrisies) destroy your love. I'm a good one to talk about hipocricises too. Three moralistic former teachers of mine have recently been convicted of child molesting.
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