bullitt6109 Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 I had been dating my girlfriend for 3yrs I even went to college for two years with her and lived with her at that time. About a year and a half ago my mom found out my dad was cheaitng on her. This crushed her and she came to me with all her problems with it. The first 6mths of it I was right in the middle trying to help out and make things easier. This though changed me in a big way I started to take it out on my girlfriend. I neglected her I took her for granted and stoped doing sweet things to make her feel special. I know this because when we broke up she said things like "I stopped feeling loved" and "You didn't have any more time for me" While this was going on for about a year and a half I didnt realize i was neglecting her or doing any of this I was really num to the whole thing. She even tried to help things better but I was so lost I had no idea what was going on in my world. Of course when she broke up with me it was a wake up call and I saw everything for what it was. She broke up with me to go out with this new guy she met. He treats her nice and buys her expensive gifts they have only known each other a short time but she says she really likes him. I dont blame her hes giving her the attention that I stopped giving her. The weekend after the Tue that we broke up she came to pick up the dog(we had a dog together) and as she leaves she gives me a hug and reaches in for a kiss. After that we talked on the phone alot and I explained to her how sorry I was for neglecting her and that I saw things clearly. She said thank you that I opened up so much to her and that she felt good I told her all this. I was so heart broken that I had to disappear for two days just to get my mind strait. I didnt tell her and I got 18 missed calls on my cell phone. Once I came back I saw this and called her back so she wouldnt be worried. She said not to do that again cuz she missed me and loved me and I was her best friend. So then we agreed to meet on Friday and everything was great it was like nothing had happend. When we get back to her apt I give her a back rub and it starts to turn into something else but she quickly puts a stop to it. She says I cant do this it would be cheating im dating somebody else now. I agree and stop and she sits on my lap as we talk I stare at her and you can tell that she is trying really hard not to kiss me. The whole feeling is that she still likes me but has to try her hardest not to anymore. I then leave and she suggest we try and talk a little less maybe take a two week break from talking. I said ok if thats what she really wants. The time we were out though a few people called my phone and she got really jelouse thinking it was other girls. Another time I was shopping with a friend who is a girl and she got really upset but later brushed it off. I want her back to make things up to her I really love her but this other guy is doing everything in his power to keep her. He got her a diamond necklace for xmas after knowing her seven days. And she is happier now she isnt neglected and can go out and just be worry free. Like I said I love her to death want her back but dont know what I should do at all. Any suggestion would be great its a horrible time for me now its the holidays and this is the first time in 3yrs It wont be spent with her.
LondonBoy Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 Mate, To be honest I'm not sure that you can do very much. I am in a very similar position to yours: my father died earlier in the year and my priorities changed, which had a large effect upon my relationship, and she left me about three weeks ago. My guess is that, similarly to myself, you didn't realise that things were going wrong until she pointed it out to you. In my opinion the best thing that you can do is leave her well alone and try to get through things by yourself. That is the consensus philosophy proposed by the majority of members of this forum and in my limited experience it is the right thing to do. If she changes her mind and wants her back then you will be there for you. If she doesn't change her mind...then your persuasive techniques will not help. I wish you the best of luck...and hope that you have a better Christmas than mine.
Author bullitt6109 Posted December 25, 2005 Author Posted December 25, 2005 A part of me says leave her alone and let her figure things out for herself. Another part of me says shes trying really hard not to like you anymore dont make it any easier for her. The day I spent with her I felt like she was trying to fight it but that she still liked me. It feels like maybe she is taking the easy way out and shouldnt you fight for somebody if you love them. It just feels like if I stop talking to her I would be giving up.
justagirliegirl Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 In your favor, you do have history with her. As for the other guy, if he gave her a diamond bracelet after only knowing her a week, he is coming on way too strong too fast and those types usually fizzle out as fast as they start. Maybe she is trying to punish you a bit? She is probably enjoying the attention from the new guy too. Her sitting on your lap and all that sounds like she is still interested. What I would do is just back off and keep in touch in a friendly way by email or something like that. Put it back to a friendship level. If you feel like dating another go ahead but maybe it is best to wait a bit and sort things out for yourself and heal from this.
Author bullitt6109 Posted December 25, 2005 Author Posted December 25, 2005 Well I dont want to come of as thinking im better than somebody but this guy she is with now is not very good looking, she is a good looking girl. I know looks dont matter and its all opinion but she did admit that I was better looking than him. I think thats why hes lavishing her with gifts hes insecure about how he looks compared to her and is buying her love. I think its kind of a downfall though because hes going to give her lots of attention and lots of gifts. I know she was starved for attention because of me.
Author bullitt6109 Posted December 25, 2005 Author Posted December 25, 2005 Just a couple weeks ago we were talking about getting married. I was going to ask in Jan but to tell you the truth I dont think she taught I was ever really going to ask. She knows now I was but is alot the too litle too late siuation I dont know if it really is too little too late.
BDR Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 I think London is right. You went throught a thing in your life with your family and you handled the best way you knew how. Family comes first. You should not feel any shame from that. It is a shame you neglected her and put her through something when you didn't intend to do that, but that is life my friend. You have to remember the good and bad times happen for reason, so that we can all grow. I think you feel really sorry that you hurt her (and you should that is normal) however, you have since apologized to her and she has accepted. Now, I think she does still care about you and you her, but the past is in the way, along with the present (the new guy). So as has been pointed out, you just have to let these things settle in as hard as that may sound. You have to begin to move on with your life. If that means limiting contact her with her, then that is the case, if that means no contact with her, do that. You have to allow her and yourself make the choice with no pressure. How would you like if her exboyfriend was making the moves on her while you and her were in your relationship? Take some time, you may find out that there is someone else out there for you and you are better as friends, or that maybe there is a future together but don't try to make it happen, just let it happen in its own time. If not, you could regret it in the end.
Author bullitt6109 Posted December 25, 2005 Author Posted December 25, 2005 That is the hardest part waiting to see what happens. I think ill try to limit the amount of contact I have maybe and email once a week or a call once a week at the most. Everybody keeps telling me they dont see us not getting back together but I dont know if that is people just saying things to make me feel better.
Author bullitt6109 Posted December 26, 2005 Author Posted December 26, 2005 Just talked to both her mom and her grandma who met this guy and neither one of them like him. They think he is a loser and the mom said im going to find a way to get rid of him. The grandma told me to keep talking to her about it and see if I can win her back, but I dont know if thats a good idea. Any suggestions?
Author bullitt6109 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 Ive been trying not to talk to her and do the NC thing. It's been hard and only talked to her once on Sat the day after I saw her. On Monday though I ordered her two books of ****zus that she has been looking at every time we used to go to the pet store. She loves ****zus and I bought her one for graduation that she loves. Anyway shes always looking through them and I found them on Amazon sent them to her with a not saying Always saw u looking through these now you can have them at home to look through. She got them today and called me at 3:30 missed her call. Then she called back at 5:00 didn't take the call but she left a voicemail thanking me for the books. Also I'm in Vegas right now with a friend and she told me not to do anything stupid like get married.
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