Missy Love Posted March 20 Share Posted March 20 About a year ago, I had a large birthday gathering with many individuals from various seasons of life. I was happy that many got along with each other and had a great time. Since the gathering, I've noticed that some of my close friends who didn't know each other previously have been spending more time together, sometimes doing activities that I am not a part of or invited to. There also seems to be less communication between us compared to before the birthday gathering, and when there is, it often feels like I am the one who is making the effort. Now it just feels forced on my part. What feels hurtful is that I don't seem to be included in on these activities or conversations. These friends I considered each very dear to me, and we shared a lot of secrets and ups and downs during different seasons of life, and now it seems like they've formed their own group that I'm not a part of. I don't know what happened. I don't feel that I can address it with them directly because it will just make me appear a bit desperate and weak. It doesn't change the fact that it hurts though, and that I'm left with confusion if I did something to upset them. I'm concerned that I'm just a big joke to them now. Advice? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 20 Share Posted March 20 1 hour ago, Missy Love said: . I don't feel that I can address it with them directly because it will just make me appear a bit desperate and weak. You are wrong. You can & should speak up. You won't look desperate or weak. Instead schedule some one on one time with each of the friends. Express how happy you are that they are now friends with each other but point blank say you would like to be included. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted March 20 Share Posted March 20 3 hours ago, Missy Love said: I'm concerned that I'm just a big joke to them now. May I ask why you feel that they would think you're a joke? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missy Love Posted March 21 Author Share Posted March 21 I think part of it could be they all reside closer to each other so have formed a new group. I have chatted 1:1 with them, but haven't expressed that I feel left out. When talking to them 1:1 the conversations are simple and fine. Although, less frequent than they used to be, and also feels there is less effort or care on how I am doing. It's just sometimes I see on social media they are spending time together, and I'm not part of those events or conversations. It makes me feel that I am not valued as a friend, even though I am who brought them together, like I've been replaced, and there isn't much care that I'm not as much a part of their lives. I feel if I bring it up, it's just going to create even more exclusion, and an opportunity to gossip about me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 It sounds like it's a function of geography. . . you are farther away & that is the reason they don't include you. You are projecting your worst fears into this situation -- that you will be rejected. You are not giving them the chance to change & embrace you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missy Love Posted March 22 Author Share Posted March 22 It seems that my friendship has been replaced by each one of my friends. Previously, I would hear from each one of them to check in. Now that doesn't seem to happen unless I initiate. They didn't know each other prior to the birthday gathering, but it seems that through that, they connected and rather than include me, they formed an exclusive circle. I'm surprised that not one has suggested bringing me in. I'm trying to be the bigger person and not show or let it bother me, as that will just create unnecessary drama and gossip. I keep hoping one will reach out, but sadly, that doesn't seem to be the case. I don't feel I should have to force a friend to reach out to me and be a good friend, and it speaks volumes to how much they valued my presence as a friend since there is little effort to stay connected with me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 Friendships ebb & flow. Today I had lunch with a dear friend I have known since second grade and another friend who I met through a different old friend. The 2nd woman & I have become friendly over the years, without the friend who introduced us. I also introduced the 2nd woman to my friend from 2nd grade because they had a mutual problem & I though they could help each other. I didn't even know the 2nd woman was coming; the old friend invited her because we were now all friends I was happily surprised to learn they had been in contact since I connected them. Stop sitting alone & feeling sorry for yourself. Speak up & tell them you want to be included. Link to post Share on other sites
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