Veus Posted December 24, 2005 Posted December 24, 2005 Please bear with me as its a longish story. Right, me and my current g/f first went out 6 years ago (when I was 14). She was in my school and we went on a field trip to France and on the first night we just got together, no idea why. I didnt even like her at the time, it just kindof happened. We went out for about 9 months, just normal teenage dating e.t.c Now in between school years I went to a party with a few other friends and we played 'spin the bottle' (as teenages do). Not sure how it happened but it ended up that I had to kiss another person there, who was a friend and who we both know. I did it (dont blame me I didnt know any better). Eventually she found out and we broke up. 2 years later we started getting very close again and were flirting with eachother in class. So we ended up getting together again. This was nearly 3 years ago (when I was 17). She was my first sexual partner and I was hers and we were each others first major relationship. (Thats all the background done, now moving onto my problem) Things were going ok between us, however we both felt like we needed to 'see more of the world' and so decided to have a break for a few months back in September. I was all for it as I was feeling a bit bored and as I had only been with this girl I wanted to 'see the world' too. I started going out with other friends to clubs and bars enjoying single life but doing no more than kissing. I began talking to a girl at work and we became very close. She also went out with us and eventually we kissed. I cant describe what it felt like but it was nothing I had ever felt before. It wasnt an official thing, just met up when out and kissed, nothing more. When we went back to Uni for the second year (both in the same uni) it was difficult as I knew that she would be out there with other people. Finally after about 3 weeks back at uni we got back together again as we both didnt like the thought that the other would be with other people. We talked about what we had done and both of us had found someone at home (nothing really just kissing). She then told me that she has never been able to trust me about anything or believe me, she said shes like it with everyone and it is just her. Also she always checks my phone for messages, phone calls and pictures of anyone other than her and asks who each person is, which I dont like. Since we started out properly I havent given her any reason to doubt my faith as I have been 100% faithful to her. Things were ok again for the rest of the academic year until a week ago and we came back home for christmas. I started back at my part time job and saw the same girl I got with before. Now I see her I am always trying to find excuses in work to go and talk to her, even if its just to walk past where she is working just in case. Also I am always thinking about her and am waiting for her to reply to a text and keep checking my phone just in case. In the last couple of days Ive been thinking that Im not sure I want to use my one chance at life with just one person, I feel I need to be with other people as well as this other girl. I think she still likes me from before but cant be certain. I have got close to her parents and think it would be very complicated to finish things unless I had a good reason, but I dont want to be unhappy and regret things. Can anyone advise me on steps I can take? (P.S post over, sorry it was so long )
SweptAway Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 In the last couple of days Ive been thinking that Im not sure I want to use my one chance at life with just one person, I feel I need to be with other people as well as this other girl. I think she still likes me from before but cant be certain. You just answered your own question. You just want someone to convince you that you are taking the right steps. In my personal opinion, I don't think you should stay with her. You're young and free. This is one girl who you spent your teen years with. I assure you, if you are feeling the urge to be with others now and you stay with her, you will probably cheat on her, hurt her etc and it will get so much uglier the longer you leave it. Why stay in an unsatisfying relationship? Its not fair on you or her. I just got out of a three year relationship because I couldn't see myself fulfilled by this one person emotionally and physically for the next 50 or so years. I stayed in the relationship because I was comfortable, we had been together for ages and didn't think I would find anyone as compatible (note compatible, not in love). None of which are good reasons to stay with anyone, especially in my early twenties and we aren't married. I knew I would hurt him more if I stayed. I could see myself cheating because I was not fulfilled in any way by him anymore. I decided I respected him too much to do that. I broke it off, I told him I was too young for this commitment (Im 22), I wanted to travel, meet new people, move overseas and that it was killing me not to have those things. He understood. And it hurt him and me. I was also worried about what his family would think. But you know what? You aren't dating their family. His sister contacted me the next day to tell me that she would miss me. I apologised for hurting her brother and his family and she came out with the most mature response ever, which was "What goes on in your relationship is between you and him. I know you have thought this through and you know it is the best thing for you and him, he will come to understand this". Fantastic. So true. I have no regrets. I learnt a lot from this relationship, we enjoyed each others company and had fun, but it was over. No regrets. I got out as soon as I realised that I don't have to spend my life looking for "the one". There is no "one". There are so many fantastic people (and a**h***s) out there for you to learn and experience with. And frankly I wish people would be happier with themselves as a person, rather than looking around, getting hurt, wasting valuable time looking for someone to complete them. You are complete. And I don't understand why people break up and get back together over and over again. Geez. You broke up for a reason the first and second and third times, don't you think it's going to happen again?? I do. Why bother? Find someone that makes you happy. Find many people that make you happy. Can you see yourself with her forever? In 50, 20, 10 or even 5 years time? If the answer is no, stop wasting your time and her time. "She will do" or "we have history" is never, ever a good reason to commit to someone. *gets down off the soapbox* Final message. Life is short. Have some fun. Don't stay with this girl, let her find someone who really really wants to be with her and nobody else. Ditto for you. (Sorry for the long post, it just struck a chord in me You don't have to listen to me, but hey, you asked for an opinion
Lucasarts Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 ZzzZZZzz *huh?! whuzzat?! oh ok now the long posts are done?! whew ok heres what i think, and i wont make a soap opera outta it. break up with this girl, you're obviously wanting to try new things so DO IT! go with your instincts and desires man you ARE young you ARE correct when you say that. go for this other girl, what you and your first g/f had was a standard High School relationship. It doesnt mean that you have to keep it, especially if you arent liking it, and why do the parents matter? if anything they should understand and if they are close to you, just b/c you stopped banging their daughter wont mean they wont like you less. Hell they'll prolly like you more . ok enuffs enuff. *goes to bed*
Citizen Erased Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Okay I was in a 2 year long relationship with someone, they were my high school thing. In the end, because I wasn't happy with them, he just used to annoy the crap out of me and when we eventually broke up, things turned nasty and we havent spoken for a year now. It really sucked, but Im with someone now who is making me so happy and you need to find that for yourself too, and allow her to do the same things instead of wasting her time with someone who wants to be with someone else.
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