sunshine55 Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 I have been with my boyfriend for about 2-1/2 years; we have lived together for 1 year. He is a good person, we are great friends, I love him, no doubt about it. My problem? Over the past six months or so, he has lost a substantial amount of weight. He was nowhere near being overweight in the first place - he had a nice solid build, I found his physique to be very very attractive... Now he has changed his diet, and between that and his physical activity level, he has dropped several pounds. His face is so drawn, like skin over a skeleton, his body fat is less than 6%, he has become so lean and wiry. He is always cold, and to me he looks borderline unhealthy. He is happy and proud of his low body fat - the sports he partakes in are condusive to being a lightweight. However, I do not find thin men sexually attractive. I never have. My preference is a little meat on the bones. I am having an extremely hard time becoming aroused lately; I just do not feel the desire to be intimate with him like I have in the past. What is the matter with me? How do I get past this? Signed, Shallow Val
Outcast Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 I think you should insist that he see a physician. Men can also become anorexic and if his cheeks are hollow, he's probably overdone the fat reduction. He needs a doc to wise him up.
quankanne Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 we've all got our concepts of what makes a person attractive. I think men -- and women, too -- look better with a little bit of weight on them because the look more "real," not like some airbrushed imaginary hottie from the pages of a magazine that promotes unrealistic self-image. And it gives me the impression that while yes, they are careful about their health and eating and exercise, they're not ashamed to carry that bit of extra weight, that they're comfortable with their bodies. I also think they look healthier and more refeshed, not wasted away. But that's just my line of thinking. your guy probably feels that to look attractive, he must be leaner than lean. From what you've described (substantial weight loss in a short amount of time), I'd be more concerned about a skewed self-image or a medical problem, like a messed up thyroid. Because that's way too much weight to lose that quickly, and looking gaunt is not good. Has his weight loss been under a dietician's or doctor's approval?
SuperMonk Posted December 23, 2005 Posted December 23, 2005 Unless he's that 7 time tour de france winner Lance Armstrong - he shouldn't be losing that much weight with a body fat of 6%. He's almost approaching unhealthy body fat ratio. If he were to down a milk shake he could collapse in a coma for eating too much fat.
shadowofman Posted December 23, 2005 Posted December 23, 2005 I personally like the low body fat look. My wife is very lean and very sexy to me. While I would still love her if she gained a bunch of weight, I would definitely tell her that she is starting to look a little hefty for my liking. (I know there better be extraordinary evidence to support tell a woman that she has gained some weight) I don't think that is shallow. I would expect the same from her. It's not like going bald or something else that you couldn't put some effort into fixing. Besides costly technology of course. If he won't put the weight back on, well I don't know what you should do. You just may have to accept the fact that your man is not your idea of the ideal form. I think a lot of people have the same issue.
Author sunshine55 Posted December 28, 2005 Author Posted December 28, 2005 Thank you for your input; I sincerely appreciate your thoughts. I love this guy. As do all couples, we have issues... but I guess if I really put it in perspective, I am not willing to let it all go because he is (as shadowofman mentioned) not my idea of the ideal form. I can't believe I have been so shallow! It would definitely be more physically exciting to me if he would put some weight back on, however for now I will focus on all of the other things I love about him. Maybe when he's 75 and his metabolism has slowed somewhat, he'll "chub up"....
Lifestream Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 You never know, it could be pretty unhealthy. Sort of like a male anoerexia (not the best example but you get it). Anything compulsive is unhealthy, and if he compulsively needs to lose an extra percentage point or if he constantly trains to look trimmer then it is quite unhealthy. In fact, athletes are prone to arrhymia (sp). A good example of that is Mario Lemieux right now. Do a search for more info. There are documented cases of that.
Walk Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 I just wanted to speak from the other side of the coin... When I started dating my bf I was 140lbs (I'm five foot tall). I dropped down to about 110lb after about 6-8 months together. I know my bf prefers... uh... more well rounded women, and I was a lot thinner then he finds ideally sexually attractive. But I feel better thinner, I'm more confident, I like the way I look. I like the 110lb me a lot more then the 140lb me. Maybe my bf didn't approach it from a great angle, but it worked for us. He would flat out tell me that he didn't enjoy having sex with a skeleton. That it disturbed him, and he felt it was unhealthy for me to be at that weight. He wasn't mean about it, but he did tease some, and otherwise showed concern for my health. I comprimised because I love him. I gained some extra weight but I won't go past a certain limit. Some friendly teasing, combined with loving concern, may be enough for him to realize that being so extremely thin is a problem for you. On the other hand, if he's doing this because he is serious about his sports, and wants to excel in them, then you're asking him to comprimise on a personal passion he has. It depends on his level of involvement in the sports. If his dream is to be the fastest 5k runner in the state, then asking him to put on extra weight and possible sacrifice his dream is a bit selfish of you. If his sports consist of one day a week, then it would seem to me that he's being a little too self absorbed in his appearance, and could use a reality check by a loving partner.
Lifestream Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 You never know though, for me this goes beyond physical attractiveness than it is for concern for physical well being. Is it healthy to have 6%> body fat? I'm not a doctor so I can't make a fair judgment, but again, athletes are said to be the most fit people in the world yet they are prone to arryhmia because their hearts are functioning under a lot of extra stress. I'd really have a doctor check this out first, and make an assertion of physical attractiveness second.
BlahBlahQueen Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 When I started dating my bf I was 140lbs (I'm five foot tall). I dropped down to about 110lb after about 6-8 months together. I know my bf prefers... uh... more well rounded women, and I was a lot thinner then he finds ideally sexually attractive. But I feel better thinner, I'm more confident, I like the way I look. I like the 110lb me a lot more then the 140lb me. Maybe my bf didn't approach it from a great angle, but it worked for us. He would flat out tell me that he didn't enjoy having sex with a skeleton. That it disturbed him, and he felt it was unhealthy for me to be at that weight. He wasn't mean about it, but he did tease some, and otherwise showed concern for my health. I know I came upon this thread a bit late, but... At 5'0" and 110 lbs., your BMI is 21.5... optimally healthy and ideal. At the same height, 140 lbs. makes your BMI 27.3, which is (substantially) overweight. 13 pounds away from medically obese, to be exact. So you accomplished what many can only dream of and actually got down to an ideal, healthy weight... only to have some dude tell you you didn't look good enough for him and convince you to get unhealthy again just to satisfy his fetish? He showed some concern for your health, you say... it seems quite the opposite to me, or maybe he's just clueless on the definition of "health".
Walk Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 I was very athletic at 140lbs, so it wasn't all fat. BMI only measures weight against height. Doesn't measure the amount of fat in a person. I would say the weight loss was due more to losing muscle mass, then actually losing fat. In fact, they taped me one time. My body fat percentage at 140 was about 25-26 percent. Over "normal", but not nearly "obese". I usually run about 120-125lbs, and I don't look "fat". I look normal. 110lbs I start looking like kate mose.
Craig Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Ok another late comer to the thread If a person is involved in a sport that has successful participants with low body fat then there should be no problem unless that individual has health problems. I used to be an ultra-marathon runner, measured in at 5% body fat and looked quite thin but muscular underneath the clothing. I had all the testing done on me at the insistence of friends and family to make sure I wasn't hurting myself and the results came back that I was unusual but extremely healthy. So body fat % doesn't always indicate a problem. Now as far as looks go, if your SO went through a windshield tomorrow would you leave him or her? If the answer is yes then you should leave them today because they deserve someone that will appreciate them for who they are not how they look. Regarding body fat changes over time, I am no longer an ultra-marathon runner, my body fat is in the 10 - 12% range. As long as the reduction in body fat is for the purposes of the sport in question and the person is maintaining a healthy diet and is healthy then there is no problem. IMO.
BlahBlahQueen Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 I was very athletic at 140lbs, so it wasn't all fat. BMI only measures weight against height. Doesn't measure the amount of fat in a person. I would say the weight loss was due more to losing muscle mass, then actually losing fat. In fact, they taped me one time. My body fat percentage at 140 was about 25-26 percent. Over "normal", but not nearly "obese". I usually run about 120-125lbs, and I don't look "fat". I look normal. 110lbs I start looking like kate mose. Oh, my mistake, then... I guess I just assumed you were in the normal range regarding muscle mass. Then again, almost everyone I know chalks their excess BMI points up to an "athletic" build, even though the actual extra muscle mass on them couldn't amount to more than 5 extra pounds. *LOL* But with the tape or the fat calipers, you can never go wrong, so there you go. 120 ain't bad for an athletic woman of your height. Kudos!
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