almostthere Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 OK...so me and my boyfriend are trying to coordinate Christmas schedules with our exs and each others families. This is the first Christmas he is not sleeping over at his exw house on Christmas Eve. But they have only been divorced for a year and a half. She knows he's with me but still asked him to spend the night. Which really got me mad. I know its stupid but I still got mad. He doesnt know that though. She has been a HUGE problem in our relationship from day one and I have and still am thinking about taking some space after Christmas is over. I just cannot handle all this drama anymore. I love the guy but c'mon!!! Whens it going to end. I'd almost rather be alone during the holidays because when I was I was happy. I didnt have anyone arguing with their ex about who gets the kids and when. I am so fed up with all this nonsense. I am just venting here. I know I am wrong too on some issues. But who cares if his exwife knows me and my kids sleep over at his house 3 times a week. My kids want to be there and so do I so it works out just fine. I feel like hes embarrassed to admit that we are as far along as we are. And his exw keeps saying things infront of the kids about me being a bad person and I think his youngest daughter doesnt like me right now...when before she would talk my ear off. Not to mention I found out a week ago from his sister that his oldest daughter hated me for awhile. I already feel so out of place in this relationship I didnt need to know all this. He cannot aford to buy a thing for his 3 kids so me and my mom are pitching in and spending about $150 on each child of his (there are 3 kids). Plus I am buying for my children too (2 kids there). I am not doing anything wrong except trying to make a life with this guy and I am being hated for it. I am so ready to walk. After Christmas we are going to sit down and have a nice long talk about all this and some other things. I am so tired. Ideally I would like to have it be the three of us...the ex me and my bf but I am not sure thats a good idea. She hates me pretty badly. She hasnt known me a day in her life and I treat her cheat with nothing but respect. I dont know what to do anymore. But I dont know if I see anything coming out of this realtionship anymore. And it kills me but I think its time to go. Theres just too many red flags popping up all over the place. And not to sound materialistic...but I dont see how me and him could get anywhere in life. I am going to college for the next 8 years. He cannot support me. But in 8 years I am going to be making a good amount and none of that will matter. I will be able to provide for the family. Maybe I am being stupid. Maybe I am panicking because I know I fell in love with the wrong person. Hes great with my kids. Hes awesome to me and my family. But things are different when my kids arent there. Hes not real patient with his own children. Hes not really patient with anyone. I know this will change when I am with him. I know he will be towards me and the kids like he is with anyone else. I dont think he would stay this way with us for long after we moved into together. Which is being talked about a little here and there already. He has such a good heart. but he only shows it to me and my kids. People he has known forever including his children dont see it because he is different with them. I hate to leave but I dont want to get hurt and most of all make the children involved sad. I definitly feel a talk coming on. I just have to make it past the holidays. I so dont want to do this...but I need to force myself to. If his exw wasnt such a problem...I wouldnt feel so dam down this Christmas. Anyway...Thank you for listening to my rant. Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays!!
SuperMonk Posted December 23, 2005 Posted December 23, 2005 The moral of this story is : Only date single parents whom their exes are dead or don't date single parents. Save the drama for their mamas.
whichwayisup Posted December 23, 2005 Posted December 23, 2005 If you really do love him and want this to work then I suggest the three of you talk together. She is always going to be a part of his life, no matter what because of their kids. So, you have afew choices - talk to him, one on one and let him know (you should be letting him know anyway!! I don't know how you've kept it in! wow!)how you feel about her pulling stuff and getting him to sleep over. Set up a time for ALL of you to talk this out once and for all. The EX has to know you are part of the picture now (if this is what you want) and that you aren't going anywhere. You all can be adults and do the right thing FOR the kids sake. Hopefully she has enough sense in her to be and act mature. (Though my thought on this is she is threatened by you spending time with her kids. Maybe all it would take is for her to hear that you aren't trying to replace her as their mom - But just to be a friend. That is all. She really has no reason to feel threatened by you.) Good luck and keep posting. I hope things get better and have a great Christmas! Don't let them poop on it for ya!
sparticuss Posted December 24, 2005 Posted December 24, 2005 The moral of this story is : Only date single parents whom their exes are dead or don't date single parents. Save the drama for their mamas. Woahhh! Hang about there Monk. she's a single parent too. Didn't you notic that?
sparticuss Posted December 24, 2005 Posted December 24, 2005 You have learned a big lesson about divorced dads. It's not the wives that come out of a divorce in a mess. It's the husbands. And there are no counselling groups for these men, no legal support, nothing but women like you who find themselves caught up in thie mess and unable to find a way out of it. Firstly do not --- -- expect him to magically snap out of it. -- ever blame him for anything. Virtually this whole mess is beyone his control. Do, contact the support group DIDs. Dads in Distress. They will know a few other support groups in the USA and in Europe . These groups are actually suicide prevetion lines for divorced dads. ( And the BS that you are being put through is nothing compared to what he's been through both with and wothout you ) The groups cater to dads but they can also help new gf's to help him. Finally always be aware of one thing. Suicides, caused by the post divorce trauma that he's going through are the highest killer of men under 45 years of age. Not heart attack, cancer, or road accidents. Post divorce trauma. It really is that hard on him.
Author almostthere Posted December 27, 2005 Author Posted December 27, 2005 I am not understanding the last post completely. Is it that hard because of limited time with the kids? Because if that is why then all the kids do is sleep at the exwife's home. He has them almost everyday and every morning we drop them off at school. He cooks dinner for them every night and spends his whole weekend with them. I would say out of 7 days...he sees them at least 6 days. If its hard in other ways I am not trying to be ignorant I just dont understand because I am a single mom and its been ok for me. But I have full custody.
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