CaliGuy Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 I got my ex a job before we broke up with one of our clients and whomever we place, we put them in our contact software. Well today I sent out bulk email to all our clients wishing them a Happy Holiday and you guessed it, I forgot to take the ex out of the list. The email was impersonal. It was not addressed "Dear *****" It just said "From our company, have a Happy Holidays and a wonderful 2006" About 1/2 hour later she emails me back the following: "You also.... and thank you for the gift you sent my family. They all loved it. Keep your eyes peeled for a little surprise yourself!! : ) " I had already bought her family a gift and sent it before we broke up. I didn't buy her anything but I did send Christmas cards to her family and to her. She's seeing someone else. I don't need her in my life and I wish I had taken her off the list before I sent that bulk email. I don't want to respond and I know that's probably what I should do. Just need some confirmation here. I don't want a gift from her. She treated me like a second class citizen even though I loved her unconditionally. In fact, I kicked her out of my house for having her new boyfriend pick her up from there and smooching in front of my garage (that was the most disrespectful thing I've ever had done to me.) I guess silence speaks louder than words. I'm having a bit of a relapse here. My mind says "DO NOT REPLY!!!" but my heart is saying "Say hello." I don't want to chat, I don't want to be her buddy. I don't want to be her friend. I want it all with her or anything else won't do! Before you chastise me for not thinking about my advice to others, please note that my heart isn't involved in the advice I give others so it makes it easy for me to give unbiased advice. But when it comes to myself I find my heart wants to stick it's nose in there and screw things up. I just want to hear your opinions. I haven't replied and really I don't think I am. I goofed and broke NC and now have to figure out the proper strategy.
Dumbass Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 It seems that replying wouldnt be a good thing to do.... She has no respect for you, obviously, from that whole garage thing... She may be being all sweet just as a power play, much how my ex is sending me the occasional IM.... I dont think it means much....We'd like to think so, but I'm more inclined to believe that it's just another one of those games chicks play to totally destroy you from the inside out, so they can feel better about themselves.
Dumbass Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 By the way- I (we) appreciate your humility in saying that it's easy to give advice when your own heart isnt involved, but with your own situation, your heart gets involved and you get like that... I was feeling silly cos you gave me some GREAT advice (as did so many people), and I totally agreed with you 100%, but still, my heart weeps, and I find myself blaming myself, feeling like an idiot, wanting to call her etc...
Author CaliGuy Posted December 22, 2005 Author Posted December 22, 2005 It seems that replying wouldnt be a good thing to do.... She has no respect for you, obviously, from that whole garage thing... She may be being all sweet just as a power play, much how my ex is sending me the occasional IM.... I dont think it means much....We'd like to think so, but I'm more inclined to believe that it's just another one of those games chicks play to totally destroy you from the inside out, so they can feel better about themselves. I know I shouldn't reply to her. She said she sent me a gift, now if I don't reply to this message or reply when I get the gift then I guess that does send a powerful message to her. Don't get me wrong, I can NOT take her back as she is now. She would have to change. I just don't understand why she is buying me a gift. It wasn't long ago she was telling me all the things she didn't like about me. She's having a blast with the new guy and even has a place of her own now. I don't want this. I don't want to be her friend. I don't want her playing mind games with me. I don't want her to think I'll be at her beck and call, you know? I just don't know how to tell her that if I am not the guy I don't want to be just a friend....
Author CaliGuy Posted December 22, 2005 Author Posted December 22, 2005 By the way- I (we) appreciate your humility in saying that it's easy to give advice when your own heart isnt involved, but with your own situation, your heart gets involved and you get like that... Thanks and it is true. When you're heart isn't interfering with your brain then the most logical (and healthy) way to deal with the situation is obvious. Once your heart gets involved the synapses start to misfire. I was feeling silly cos you gave me some GREAT advice (as did so many people), and I totally agreed with you 100%, but still, my heart weeps, and I find myself blaming myself, feeling like an idiot, wanting to call her etc... We both know better than to call. We both know that we need NC to heal and move on. We already know what we should do, the problem is actually doing it. I do want her in my life, but I don't need her. I definitely am not going to settle for being her 'friend' that's just not me. If I can't have it all I want nothing. That's the only choice. I won't reply to her. I won't call her on Christmas or send an email. If she calls, I won't answer. I know what I need to do. I just wish my heart would STFU.
alphamale Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 My mind says "DO NOT REPLY!!!" but my heart is saying "Say hello." Listen to your mind...you'll be happy about it down the road.
Author CaliGuy Posted December 22, 2005 Author Posted December 22, 2005 Listen to your mind...you'll be happy about it down the road. I agree with you but what about the mistake I made of accidentally sending her the email??? What do I do about it now that she has replied? Just say nothing even though I inadvertently made contact?
alphamale Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 I agree with you but what about the mistake I made of accidentally sending her the email??? What do I do about it now that she has replied? Just say nothing even though I inadvertently made contact? just forget it. pretend like it never happended.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 Wait and see what your little surprise is before you respond. Maybe it will just be another token of her disrespect.
Author CaliGuy Posted December 22, 2005 Author Posted December 22, 2005 Nah, she probably sent me a nice little gift. That's her way of saying 'thanks' for letting her stay at my place and rip out my heart, haha. I didn't send her anything other than a card and I've no plans to respond to her message.
omegaRED Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 Yep. Just forget about it. This is one of those make-or-break moments for you. Just resist the urge to call. We all here know what we need to do, it`s just so damn difficult to actually do it sometimes (thankfully my ex hasn`t made any effort to contact me since the break-up, well actually since i found out the truth, and i haven`t made any mistakes like the e-mails, texts and such). But i guess i`d be the same way you are if something happened. Just ignore and resist the urge, do not, i repeat, DO NOT contact her for any purpose whatsoever, even if it is to blow her off or explain about the whole e-mail deal. No contact whatsoever, or else you`ll be back at square one (well maybe square two in your case). You have the power, now fight the tempation.
Author CaliGuy Posted December 22, 2005 Author Posted December 22, 2005 Yep. Just forget about it. This is one of those make-or-break moments for you. Just resist the urge to call. We all here know what we need to do, it`s just so damn difficult to actually do it sometimes (thankfully my ex hasn`t made any effort to contact me since the break-up, well actually since i found out the truth, and i haven`t made any mistakes like the e-mails, texts and such). But i guess i`d be the same way you are if something happened. Just ignore and resist the urge, do not, i repeat, DO NOT contact her for any purpose whatsoever, even if it is to blow her off or explain about the whole e-mail deal. No contact whatsoever, or else you`ll be back at square one (well maybe square two in your case). You have the power, now fight the tempation. Don't worry, I'm not going to contact her at all. I was intially just going to reply with "Thanks, have a good Christmas" and leave it at that. Nothing out of the ordinary. She knows it's not my normal behavior to ignore her messages or not to say thanks. Maybe that's what she needs to see. The stronger me
omegaRED Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 Maybe that's what she needs to see. The stronger me Hehe... I know, but just try to be more carefull in the future, or else you`ll lose your focus on your self-improvement, you`ll do it for the wrong reasons, i.e. her, for her to see what she`s missing, what she let go etc. While all this is ok in some measure, it can and will give us the initial push to start improving and growing, we both do what we do for ourselves, first and foremost, and we cannot allow ourselves to lose perspective and be driven by the wrong reasons. The temptation is there, and each slip up can quickly derail us from the path. But i think you`re doing a good job, just be carefull about your thoughts and motives.
Author CaliGuy Posted December 22, 2005 Author Posted December 22, 2005 Hehe... I know, but just try to be more carefull in the future, or else you`ll lose your focus on your self-improvement, you`ll do it for the wrong reasons, i.e. her, for her to see what she`s missing, what she let go etc. While all this is ok in some measure, it can and will give us the initial push to start improving and growing, we both do what we do for ourselves, first and foremost, and we cannot allow ourselves to lose perspective and be driven by the wrong reasons. The temptation is there, and each slip up can quickly derail us from the path. But i think you`re doing a good job, just be carefull about your thoughts and motives. Thanks. I did want to write back earlier but now that I think about it, I won't say anything at all. She'll have to call me which she won't because she has a guy that she likes right now and he treats her well. There's no need for her to think about me or come to me for anything. As long as I remind myself that she doesn't really care, that her motives are false and she's a fake person (she is) then I'll be fine.
riobikini Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 CaliGuy: RE: "Before you chastise me for not thinking about my advice to others, please note that my heart isn't involved in the advice I give others so it makes it easy for me to give unbiased advice. But when it comes to myself I find my heart wants to stick it's nose in there and screw things up." (Smile) I know just what you mean. But, -hey, man...Keep your chip up, anyway...ppl on LS got your back! -Rio
Author CaliGuy Posted December 22, 2005 Author Posted December 22, 2005 (Smile) I know just what you mean. But, -hey, man...Keep your chip up, anyway...ppl on LS got your back! -Rio Thank you, that's good to know. This woman played with my heart, my emotions, took me for granted and treated me like a piece of meat. The audacity of her to play 'nice nice' with me all the while boinking her new bf and having a great time pisses me off. I will not be at her beck and call and I will not play the fool.
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