Dumbass Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 Hey all... So she dumped me, 2 days after professing her love for me and giving me roses....Said she needs to get her life together (which she does), but it was also right after a rather large argument....She wanted to be friends, which meant she would call me when it was convenient for her (4-5am), for like 20 mins, just talk about small talk...Her stuff, never really caring about what i was saying.... Then we had a phonecall that turned ugly when i tried to just clear up some things with i thought may have been misunderstood, and perhaps was the real reason for her dropping me.... Hadnt spoken to her for 3 days, in that she had sent me a text msg after the phonecall saying "space and time is a good idea"... Then she logs into messenger (she hasnt been on since she got back to her home state cos she doesnt have internet at home), and sends me an IM... But she's not very friendly...just kinda says "i've got lots of stuff going on that make me feel good" in reply to my saying that I'm glad she's back at martial arts class, and that it must give her something to feel good about... But otherwise, she's a concrete wall....When she told me the internet was timing out (she was chatting from a public library), i told her to call me sometime if she wanted... She replied "ok, but if i dont, dont think i'm being ignorant"....(what the hell does THAT mean?) What gives? I mean, she's the one who sent me the IM...and then she's all avoidant and standoffish....i'm confused... Any ideas? Please reference to Flip Flop and FLip Flop Update if you want the full story here (i think it's in the second chances forum) THanks
CaliGuy Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 She wants you around when it's convenient for her. Don't take breadcrumbs if you want the whole loaf. Be unavailable for her and she might start to see what she is missing. Just like me you need to stick to your guns. You want it all or nothing and so do I and I know I won't settle for being a 'buddy' to my ex. That's what her girlfriends are for and so it should be for your ex.
riobikini Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 When she said "...Don't think it's just me being ignorant.." Translated: "Hope you don't think I'm playing silly games with you". But she IS...and she hopes you'll keep playing. Why does she keep wanting you to play along? I'm trying to come from a totally generic female perspective here (I am one, by the way)..and I'm not even sure why. Some 'key' points to think about, tho: #1) She may just want to exert her (very immature) female powers of attraction and see how long she can string you along without really growing up. #2) She could be still interested only on the periphery and wants to wait and see if anything 'better' comes along. Don't really know if she's telling the truth about having "lots of fun things going on" or not....she DOES want you to THINK so. The ball is really in YOUR court...you can choose to keep fooling with this relationship that keeps belittling you or tell her to grow up. Take care. -Rio Keep us posted.
Author Dumbass Posted December 23, 2005 Author Posted December 23, 2005 Yeah Rio, yer cool....Thanks for your input.... As a guy (and a non-game playing one), all this stuff from her is just totally confusing...She came online again today (she normally isnt online) but didnt send any message... But you make sense.... I don't think she's having so much fun, in that she just moved to where she is, had some kinda huge blowup with the people who offered her a free room and is now couching it somewhere, has no money, no job, and few friends, barring whichever meatballs she met off of match.com .....And she's got a head full of demons.... But anyway, that's not important... You all are helping me drill through the granite that is my skull to drive these points home.... Rio, I would be interested to know what you think of my Flip-Flop threads on the second chances board, since I read your thing about being clingy...It's hard to be a human being and a "MAN" at the same time....So, if you have a free minute, and feel like watching a train wreck in slow-mo, go for it Thanks again...
riobikini Posted December 23, 2005 Posted December 23, 2005 DA...(hey it just feels wrong to be calling you that!) (Smile) I will read through your post thoroughly sometime through the holidays (family, friends are here)...but I WILL reply to you on that. In the meantime, stay joyful, sing loudest, smile broader, laugh harder, hug EVERYONE around you (uh, be careful with that one)....and give yourself the gift of HAPPINESS, my friend. Merry Christmas, DA..... -Rio
CaliGuy Posted December 23, 2005 Posted December 23, 2005 I don't think she's having so much fun, in that she just moved to where she is, had some kinda huge blowup with the people who offered her a free room and is now couching it somewhere, has no money, no job, and few friends, barring whichever meatballs she met off of match.com .....And she's got a head full of demons.... Ask yourself, DA, if this is the kind of woman who compliments you, who you can learn from and grow together. But anyway, that's not important... Oh I think it is....this woman sounds like poison!
Author Dumbass Posted December 24, 2005 Author Posted December 24, 2005 Something I feel kinda bad about, but some friends and family tell me I shouldnt was this bit..This is from that IM convo that she initiated about 3 days after our big blowout phone call.. Her: I'm taking martial arts classes again Me: I'm glad...It must give you something to feel good about Her: I've got a lot of things going on here to feel good about Now, I only meant to say something supportive, especially given that she's in a new city, couch surfing, no job and no money. Last I heard, she was quite unhappy and had little optimism about her situation...Even her "reason" for the breakup was that her life was a mess. The rest of the convo I was also friendly, offering to send her this song that she'd been looking for, wishing her happiness, etc.. She seems to have interpreted that thing I said as something to be defensive about...Sure, I could have phrased it a million different ways, but do you folks think that this was her looking to interpret things in the negative? (She actually has done that a few times before....I only ever speak to her with love and support, and have been nothing but "by her side"...But she's taken very benign things and intepreted them as if i was trying to attack her or something....Once when she was *STARING* into my eyes (kinda weirdly...Not exactly loving...almost scrutinous....for like a minute straight), I asked her, with a smile, hoping to sugue into a kiss "So what do you think about what you see?" and she said "depends what I'm looking at", so I asked again, with a smile...She says "inquisitive". So, since there wasnt much I could do with that, I asked "What kind of inquisitive? Just wondering what you're thinking about", and she got all annoyed and said "What?! Was that not the answer you wanted?!", and I said "No, its just...well...it's just that, you're kinda not being so cooperative..I was hoping to converse, and this is kinda a dead-end answer", and she freaked... "COOPERATE?! Is this SCHOOL?! Am I the STUDENT, and youre the TEACHER?!".....s***, all I was looking to do was wind up in a kiss...Hell, 2 hours before, she'd given me a rose and told me she loved me, so I didn't think she would respond like that.... Any comments much appreciated Thanks
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