LN8840K Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 Why do I constantly choose women who come from abusive backgrounds and in turn direct all their anger at me and pay me back for ever wrong every single man has ever done to them in their life ( from the music teacher who told her she should find a hobby that does not involve playing an instrument or singing to the daddy that abandons his family for the younger cuter unwed 7/11 clerk ) I have now become un-dateable due to post traumatic stress syndrome caused by constant verbal and emotional abuse, with an occasional kick to the head or trip to jail because " I should show more concern when her hair falls out " why do you think thats happening was not the appropriate response I guess I should have started praying and performed an exersism also we should not forget how many times I have been left for the " ex that beats the crap out of her and cheats on her " does anyone have any ideas ?
Outcast Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 Your best bet is to go see a therapist. You seem to be unable to recognize warning signs or to choose people who are ok - a therapist would help you figure out how you got this way and how to fix it.
Craig Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 Good post LN, I have just a few questions. Have you been diagnosed with PTSD?Is there a similarity between the women you have chosen in the past and the way a parent figure in your life treated you?What do you do when a woman you are dating "pays you back" for wrongs committed by another man?
Author LN8840K Posted December 22, 2005 Author Posted December 22, 2005 1. No, seen no therapist yet ...however even calling a women I might pursue these days becomes a panic situation, I am very persistent untill I have feelings then I lose all confidence and run away 2. slightly ...not a parent figure, but a significant figure in a childs life 3. Tell her to get the hell away from me, change my phone number or maybe even move away then, I feel bad and give them yet another chance to make my life hell.
whichwayisup Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 You need to put YOUR needs first and stop attracting 'needy and clingy' women who honestly DO NOT NEED rescuing. You must have a certain energy that goes out or you have a need to fix things. I don't know. I think you need to talk to a therapist, they can help you so much. Atleast consider it and try it afew times.
Craig Posted December 26, 2005 Posted December 26, 2005 1. No, seen no therapist yet ...however even calling a women I might pursue these days becomes a panic situation, I am very persistent untill I have feelings then I lose all confidence and run away 2. slightly ...not a parent figure, but a significant figure in a childs life 3. Tell her to get the hell away from me, change my phone number or maybe even move away then, I feel bad and give them yet another chance to make my life hell. Thank you. PTSD even in it's mild form is nothing short of hell on earth. Unless you have PTSD or know someone that has it you can have no idea how debilitating, frustrating and painful it is. I wouldn't wish PTSD on my worst enemy. The critical thing with PTSD is to seek treatment ASAP for best results. The longer you wait the less effective is treatment. The symptoms you listed aren't considered PTSD but maybe you left some symptoms out. To really know, you have to get a diagnosis by a professional. Panic on the other hand is something that can be dealt with a lot easier than PTSD by most people. You may (MAY) have some panic or anxiety issues and once again only a professional can diagnose you. The answers that you gave regarding questions 2 and 3 and that you run away after experiencing feelings (for the girl) really point to therapy as a solution. I hate to suggest therapy because it sounds so much like a cop out on my part but it is in my opinion that it is your best shot at having a satisfying life. CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy is something I'd recommend you look into getting. You can find a CBT therapist in your area through the web or yellow pages and can find additional information on the web as well. It's been my experience that some people have all or most of the skills they need to have a satisfying life but for some reason may not be using them appropriately or even in the right order. You may have a lot less work to do than you might at first think. Some therapists will work on a sliding scale so if medical insurance isn't going to pay for it you can find one that will take into account your income and situation and set a fee that you can pay without being overwhelmed by the cost. Now keep in mind that this isn't a therapy session but just some ideas based on what you wrote. I could be close or I could be a million miles off. The fact that you may or may not chose women from abusive backgrounds is also something to explore in therapy--you don't have to know why you've done this in the past just find a way to create a satisfying life for yourself. If a woman treats you badly and you allow it to continue after the first time it happens without objecting it's going to probably get worse. This is where boundaries come in. What are you willing to accept and what are you unwilling to accept. Good luck, don't give up and remember the harder you work, the luckier you get.
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