stampgirl Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 Here's a question... Has anyone ever been in a 'friendship' that they didn't want? I have this 'friend' who I have known since high school, but we have both changed alot since then. I don't contact her, but am always polite when she contacts me. She wants to get together, but frankly, I don't. reason being that we did used to hang out, but it seemed that no matter where we went she had a guy waiting for her that she met online. She would also have him bring a friend along for me. Nice right, except that we were both MARRIED. She knew that my husband and I weren't getting along so she thought I should screw around. (I didn't take anyone up on that). She usually insisted on driving so she could be in control of when we left. Once she left me in a club(she said she was going to the ladies room) while she went out to her car to bl*w the guy she had picked for the night. I went out to the car and interrupted and made her take me home. She laughs it all off. She goes in spells with her cheating on her husband..she'll cheat for awhile, get caught and be in love with her husband for a couple of years. She is meeting 'an old friend' for drinks next week and promises to keep me informed. I'm a pretty non-confrontational person, and it's up to her how she lives her life, and frankly if her husband has put up with it for all these years, my sympathy for him is limited. But how, after almost 20 years do you just tell someone that you've outgrown them so to speak? I don't think it's my place to tell her that I think the way she lives her life is wrong, after all it's her life. But I just don't want to be a part of it anymore. Any opinions, suggestions?
slubberdegullion Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 "Look, it's pretty clear that your life and mine have taken different directions. I have always valued our friendship and the fun we used to have together, and for that I am thankful. But I think it's time we parted." Clear, direct, to the point, and non-confrontational. Good luck.
whichwayisup Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 That's a tough one. I mean, I can see clearly she isn't a friend to you. Friends don't try to get their friends to CHEAT!! WTF is that. She seems to have alot of play time and her priorities aren't the same as yours. Without being mean, just tell her you have alot going on in your life right now, and you need to spend more time with family. If she asks you outright "for how long" or "Is it something I've done" then be honest with her. I agree, saying that you appreciated her friendship but you two are different people now and maybe it's time just to let go of the friendship. It may hurt her, and I'm sure you will feel bad about that, but you need to do this for your own sanity. She isn't the friend she was many years ago! Good luck.
Author stampgirl Posted December 23, 2005 Author Posted December 23, 2005 Thanks guys..I just couldn't get in my head how to start such a conversation. Stuff like that has always been a little tricky for me, I draw a complete blank when I have to say something I know someone may not want to hear. I appreciate your ideas, it will give me the words I need to take care of this in a decent, human way. Thanks! Happy Holidays!
amerikajin Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 You could do it one of two ways: 1) You could just be 'busy' all the time. or 2) You could be direct and just end it outright. But before I go there, let me ask you: have you told her that you're not comfortable with her antics? Maybe she should know that she's not being very mature, but unless you say something then she will assume that you condone her actions. And that being the case, she's not going to understand it if you just all of a sudden end the relationship. Make sure she's been fairly warned. If she has been fairly warned, then just give it to her straight: I am sorry, but I have told you before that your actions put me in an uncomfortable situation. I can't continue to do that. This is the end of the road. Sorry.
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 I feel for ya. Let us know how it all goes. It's not an easy situation to be in. Noone wants their feelings hurt but you're the one who's suffering being in this friendship, not her. Good luck!
FireReady Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 I'm sorry, but you're past the age of being friends for the sake of "having friends." If you're not content in the relationship, cut it off. You don't owe anything to anyone, as harsh as it may sound. And if you want, I found this great site where you can get a feeling for what REAL friendship is all about - Girls Talk About It All...
Bunnylove Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 what's the address of this website about what a freindship is?
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