cj_gal Posted December 21, 2005 Posted December 21, 2005 Well I got out of a bad relationship and said I was just going to have fun...I was doing that and one day I was at the mall at my fav store..&*%%*$#@&..and this guy walked up to me as I was leaving and asked my age and if I wanted a job..I have one job and am going to college full time..but I said sure..why not..he was so hot..Well about 2 weeks later when I worked with him we hit it off..and he asked me out..this has been a whirlwind. Both have had bad relationships that ended..his was about 6 months ago. It has only been about a week and I feel so bad..he works his butt off ..around 60 hours a week..or more..and wants to go to school,but can't afford it..He is the first guy that actually treats me with respect and wanted me to move in with him..but we don't think that is good right now..too soon..he has bills to pay and is having a friend moving in to help,but he is so stressed out..I got him a pic of me in a frame with a card and he noticed the price and I think it bothered him..Guys say I am too high maintainance..they don't know I shop ebay..garage sales..thrift stores and you name it..I love a good buy..After one b/f I had I was too embarrassed to ever tell anyone..should I tell him that I don't spend money like that...or just let it go...I really want this relationship to work..so does he...I feel like my dreams are his,but his are on hold right now because of money..how do I make him see it doesn't matter to me..
LN8840K Posted December 21, 2005 Posted December 21, 2005 Red Flag 1 . " Well I got out of a bad relationship " Red Flag 2. " He is the first guy that actually treats me with respect " Red Flag 3. " wanted me to move in with him " Red Flag 4. " Guys say I am too high maintainance " Ok so whats the question ?
Author cj_gal Posted December 21, 2005 Author Posted December 21, 2005 Do I try to make this one work..he said he does..I have alot of guy friends and never realized how many I had in my phone...I felt he might have been a little jealous last night...Like I said he is so overwhelmed with work and money and I don't want to be another burden on his back..But on the other hand I am tired of walking away from a relationship that has a chance..I have been burned so bad this year.. Guys find out i am an only child and I think alot of them see me as possibly spoiled..but I'm not and i have alot of love to give someone..I have been to the bottom and tried to make things work out and end up being stomped on...It made me hard for awhile and I don't want to be that way with him...He's different and I could tell that from the first time we met over a month ago...But guys have this pride if they don't have money they think the girl will walk..I am not that way...how do I get him to see this..
JS17 Posted December 21, 2005 Posted December 21, 2005 I have dated people who make a lot less money than I do and I usually have the conversation early on, however, nobody has ever told me that I came off as high maintenance. What an SO makes doesn't matter to me. When exchanging gifts I always let them set the price range and I will usually choose to go to less expensive restaurants, concerts, and the like. Be upfront with him about it, let him know that you like him and you like spending time with him and that's what matters to you, not money.
happymadison Posted December 21, 2005 Posted December 21, 2005 only you can change you. you have already said that you have an aura of being seen as high maintenance. ( from an Ex i believe you said). you just have to do something proactive on your part if you want to change in his eyes. he is probably under a lot of stress, and guys really dont like high maintenance women, IMHO, because its synonymous with "being used". such people believe that their happiness is above all others, and "they derserve this", etc. etc. what it really is is a narcisstic personality with little self esteem. they must show their importance to others by being number one, let others do their bidding to soothe their own egos. and most of the guys do end up getting used. its not about turning into a doormat or anything, its about you being independant and strong, not needy or demanding. so if yu have any self esteem, just show him that side. you do some of the buying, make some simple suggestions of things you would "like" to do, which basically are cheap but still fun. if you really love someone, its about what you can give or do for them, therein finding your own happiness---not what you get from them to satisfy your need to gauge if they really care. when you get 2 people like this together, you have a lasting realtionship; whne you dont, you have the 54% divorce rate. its really up to you. just talk to him, because guys are not mind readers, and hate this friggin guessing games that women like to put you thru.
LN8840K Posted December 21, 2005 Posted December 21, 2005 I think if you are really that concerned about this, it may come out in your attitude and you probably make comments about it or bring it up somehow.... and if that happens he might get a complex about it I think it's your issue and maybe not his.......why don't you just let it ride instead of focusing on it, it could become the downfall .... little story :I always made good money, met a girl from a less than priveliged family, anyway long story short she started to feel like she needed to keep up with the jones and started spending money she did not have and I felt bad ........ I mentioned I had a girlfriend who liked spending all my money and another I liked more because she had her own money ...POINT I did not need to bring that up
Author cj_gal Posted December 24, 2005 Author Posted December 24, 2005 well..he called the other night and said I needed to call him back...when I did,he said he needed a break and all the other bs guys give..he doesn't want to lose me because i am a great girl...but,he's stressed out..I cry deal with it don't talk to him..he keeps texting me yesterday,..I finally said I had to go I would talk later..I haven't done it yet..I can't keep going through these type of relationships..I thought it was different..I am tired with egos and all the other bs that guys give..everything was fine...then a shot to the back of the head..Maybe we can see each other again...yeah whatever..I gave him a pic of me for christmas..should I ask for it back?...I just want to get through all this and if he gives it back..then I'll know its over..: ..my life really sucks right now...This is the second horrible relationship and I have went from 143 to 110 in 2 months..I just get so sick i can't eat...
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