Ugh, I keep feeling like I "lost"

[Roarz]

I guess this probably true about anything wrong we've ever done, but I can't help thinking like I should have done thing's differently. More decisively and less needy. I keep feeling like this was some kind of fight and she won in the end and if I'd have only not taken her crap from the beginning of the breakup and said a few more choice words I would have felt more the victor. And right now I feel like I lost. I know it's not a game to be won or anything, it's just hard to not feel like it is. It makes me want to send her those extra words of hate or just do something so that she finally feels bad about what she did (or at least any kind of negative feelings at all about it; she always seems happy, no matter what). I know it's stupid and childish and I won't actually do it, but does anyone else have a strong need to want to make their ex feel as bad as they do? Is this normal or am I some kind of sadist?

[slubberdegullion]

It's perfectly normal. So relax. Nobody won or lost, you and she just didn't manage to overcome the barriers.

 

No point in contacting her with a nasty missive; if it made you feel good for a few moments, I guarantee you that you'll regret it soon enough.

 

So chill. Have a cigar.

[notmakingsense]

I'm with you Roarz -- I just feel like totally letting my xgf have it! I'm just sooo angry right now about how she could treat me so badly. Similar to you, I took her shyt for a long time -- and if I hadn't from the beginning, the relationship might have worked out. It was a painful way for me to learn that women don't like wussies.

 

slubberdegullion is right -- nobody really won or lost, its just that the relationship didn't work out.

 

I can't yet follow my own advice, but we're supposed to learn from this so that next time its better.

 

And regarding writing her a nasty-gram? Another poster here told me that your indifference and non-communication is much more effective a message than anything you could say or write to her right now...