GrUmPy1 Posted December 21, 2005 Posted December 21, 2005 my bf and i have been together for 2 years, he has this single and loving it im in the prime of my life friend named carlos. carlos is constantly telling my bf that he needs to spend time away from me, and when my bf does things that people in relationships do like check in, get home on time,take the others persons feelings into concideration he asks why? he teases him and asks him if he has balls. he is always inviting him places without me. in the two years that my bf and i have been together he has only invited me along once. when he comes over he's friendly, hes fine but he says things to discourage me and my bf from being monagomous and with each other. when he says things like that i stand up for my relationship and tell him that we are in love and we dont need to see other people, in fact when my bf told him that i was now his fiancee carlos actually gasped and said dont ever say that again. ive told my bf that his friends behavior is disrespectful to me and that it hurts me when he doesnt stand up for us. i feel that we are a team now that we are getting married and that he should tell his friend to respect what we have and be happy for him or even just to shut up because he's happy but he wont. i think he's scared to lose carlos' friendship but why would he want him as a friend when he disrespects me and our relationship? he says he tells him to stop but he never says it in front of me which would mean alot. he tells me not to listen to carlos and that he's just talking out of his ass, and maybe he is but all i ask is that he stands up for us. AM I WRONG FOR WANTING THIS?
Outcast Posted December 21, 2005 Posted December 21, 2005 I wouldn't marry this dude until he grew a set of his own. Allowing himself to be led around by the nose by this 'friend' just shows he's not very mature. If it was me, I'd rethink the whole idea of marriage.
basscatcher Posted December 21, 2005 Posted December 21, 2005 Dear God, you poor girl. I was on my way to divorce because my XH use to do the same thing only worse. He had some friends who werent supportive of our relationship. He eventually gave in to there requests of going out all the time without me, Doing what he wanted without respect or any reguard to me. It was about him and himself not us. He would come home all hours of the night and in the morning hours. He used his friend as an excuse all the time and I recently found out 16 years later that he didn't spend most of his time at his friends house. His friend also use to hide some things from me also about what he was doing. In my opinion speaking from my expeience==Your man needs to grow up NOW. I personally wouldn't marry him until he rid himself of this friend he has. This friend your bf has isn't supportive and he will only pressure your man astray from you. Until he distances himself from this so-called friend you will not have the stable relationship you want. My XH cheated on me 7 times during the time he was running and not focusing on our relationship. His friends were influences for him and lead him on the path to stray away from me. His running opened a doorway that he walked through and then I walked through a door too 11 1/2 years later and never looked back regretting leaving... He still is the same old.. He hasn't changed except for the worse. I currently have a Order of Protection on him. He didn't chose to take the right path where respect and responsiblitiy were beckoning him. he chose to wade in the single carefree me, myself, and I lifestyle that many of his friends and associates have. He is now alone, lonely, has a drug and alcohol addiction, has become obsessed, agressive, out of control, miserable and his only child (my son) doesnt want anything to do with him... Be careful in what you chose to do.. I would hate to see ANYONE live through my life. It is ultimately your choice how much you are willing to put up with and what you are willing to accept. Friends come and go in life. Some stick with you others dont. As you grow and mature you will find yourself shifts friends. You will surround yourself with friends who are in your level of maturity. If your man isn't willing to shed this so-called friend then I would say he doesnt want to let go of his freedom to be single and carefree. This is just my opinon..
SuperMonk Posted December 21, 2005 Posted December 21, 2005 No you're not wrong. In a real serious relationship or marriage - friends are secondary. And if you hate your friend for influencing your husband/boyfriend - you should hate him for actually listening to him. A mature man KNOWS when to put his food down in a relationship, but he MASTERS being a man by telling his friends how it's going to be. Your boyfriend/husband seems to be a little immature with saying "Everything's okay, you chill" - What he should be doing is confronting his friend and telling him to Knock off the crap. It's quite obvious Carlos doesn't like you - since you know that already you should escalate tensions with him such as making fun of him... you WOMEN know what to do to get a RISE out of men... (By me saying this, I am happy to tell you I am able to deflect most female mind tricks) , Allow Carlos to crack under pressure and your boyfriend will see the truth.
curiousnycgirl Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 Sounds to me like Carlos is jealous of the relationship your fiance has with you. That and he just doesn't understand it, so he's trying to get his friend back to how things used to be. If your guy continues to do the "right" things - like calling, checking in, etc - I would ignore Carlos. If your guys allows himself to be swayed by Carlos (other than the normal guys' night out thing) - then I would hesitate to move forward with the wedding plans. Of course I do not have as much experience as padameckla - and perhaps I'm just being naive - at this point I'm just not sure.
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