Should I wait a few months and ask her out or drop her completely from my mind?

[king ouss]

I have this work friend, about two months ago her boyfriend broke up with her and since I know she had no one but him in the city where we live I tried to help her through that difficult situation, I got to know her better during this time and found myself developing feelings for her, Now she told me before that if she wasn't in love with her ex she wouldn't let me slip from her grasp,

About a week ago I told her that I had feelings for her and that I was starting to get jealous when she got hit on and since I wasn't ready for a relationship and neither was she, I would pop the question in a few months if she was still single, two days later she texted me saying that she wished she met me before her ex and that I was a "man made of gold" , and now she is telling me to drop her from my mind because she doesn't want to hurt me and she is still in love with her ex (she is still expecting him to come back)

I'm bad at reading people but I thought I saw some cues from her, she started getting very touchy with me, when I leave her apartment she comes to the window to watch leave she started looking at me in a different way, she wants me to text her good morning and good night, she expects me to call her when i leave the workplace, she wants me to go shopping with her, and at the same time she says I'm her best friend and she calls me bro, I always found her pretty, but after her break up we spent a lot of time together and i discovered who she really was, she has a really big heart incapable of hate and she is very perceptive of other people's emotions, thats what i like about her, she trusted me with secrets she says she didn't tell anyone else not even her ex, and I found myself trusting her with my secrets as well

[d0nnivain]

You should drop any romantic thoughts about her from your mind.  She's not interested & she won't develop an interest later.  Sorry 

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately she's been very clear that she's not ready willing or able to date right now because she's still pining for her ex.

She doesn't want to lead you on, but instead sees you as a sort of male-girlfriend to cry about her ex to. 

Please pace yourself for your own sake. 

 

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, king ouss said:

I have this work friend, about two months ago her boyfriend broke up with her and since I know she had no one but him in the city where we live I tried to help her through that difficult situation, I got to know her better during this time and found myself developing feelings for her, Now she told me before that if she wasn't in love with her ex she wouldn't let me slip from her grasp,

About a week ago I told her that I had feelings for her and that I was starting to get jealous when she got hit on and since I wasn't ready for a relationship and neither was she, I would pop the question in a few months if she was still single, two days later she texted me saying that she wished she met me before her ex and that I was a "man made of gold" , and now she is telling me to drop her from my mind because she doesn't want to hurt me and she is still in love with her ex (she is still expecting him to come back)

I'm bad at reading people but I thought I saw some cues from her, she started getting very touchy with me, when I leave her apartment she comes to the window to watch leave she started looking at me in a different way, she wants me to text her good morning and good night, she expects me to call her when i leave the workplace, she wants me to go shopping with her, and at the same time she says I'm her best friend and she calls me bro, I always found her pretty, but after her break up we spent a lot of time together and i discovered who she really was, she has a really big heart incapable of hate and she is very perceptive of other people's emotions, thats what i like about her, she trusted me with secrets she says she didn't tell anyone else not even her ex, and I found myself trusting her with my secrets as well

Sorry to be blunt, but you should try and forget her as soon as possible. She is emotionally needy and you are being convenient as a shoulder to cry on. The good thing is that she doesn’t lead you on and tells you honestly that she can’t be with you romantically. Better follow her advice to drop her out of your mind. If it’s distressful for you to be around her knowing that she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, it would be best to break off or at least strongly reduce contact.

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, king ouss said:

she wants me to text her good morning and good night, she expects me to call her when i leave the workplace, she wants me to go shopping with her,

You realize this is because she is on the rebound, right? She is looking for someone to fill the void her ex left. That's what all this emotional neediness is about. She isn't used to not having good morning and good night texts and so on, so she wants to substitute in someone else since her ex isn't doing those things for her anymore. You're handy, so she relies on you. But it doesn't mean she has a genuine interest in you, man. 

Please don't do any of the above. You are going to wind up very hurt when you realize that she just wanted a shoulder to lean on during her break-up but doesn't actually want to date you. It will suck to see her move on after she's healed and is ready to date again, since it very likely is going to another guy she goes for. 

[king ouss]

25 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You realize this is because she is on the rebound, right? She is looking for someone to fill the void her ex left. That's what all this emotional neediness is about. She isn't used to not having good morning and good night texts and so on, so she wants to substitute in someone else since her ex isn't doing those things for her anymore. You're handy, so she relies on you. But it doesn't mean she has a genuine interest in you, man. 

Please don't do any of the above. You are going to wind up very hurt when you realize that she just wanted a shoulder to lean on during her break-up but doesn't actually want to date you. It will suck to see her move on after she's healed and is ready to date again, since it very likely is going to another guy she goes for. 

well i know she needed a shoulder to lean on and i was happy to do so, i just didn't expect to catch feelings, she's told me before i had feelings for her that if she had known me before him she wouldn't have looked at any other man again, anyway, i spoke to her and told her i needed to take my distance from her and she understands, i even told her that when i first saw her i wanted to date her but i changed my mind because of addiction problems i had and i still have (the difference between then and now is that to me she was just a pretty face and now she is this amazing person), and she was single at the time, and she told me you idiot you should have done that

and when it comes to her ex, i'm confident in saying that i'm way better than him in every way, i have problems with him outside of their relationship we even got to the point of physically fighting (i beat him up tbh, i'm kinda proud of that), but i'm honest enough to say that he was a good boyfriend, and that he is a hard working man, i know her well enough to know that she won't get over him for years (he is the first guy to break up with her), just needed to see what people had to say

[ExpatInItaly]

21 hours ago, king ouss said:

she's told me before i had feelings for her that if she had known me before him she wouldn't have looked at any other man again

That doesn't really mean anything in practical terms, though. It isn't the reality of the situation so it doesn't change anything for you. 

21 hours ago, king ouss said:

i'm confident in saying that i'm way better than him in every way

You don't understand how the heart works. You might be "better" than him, but she is in love with him. Believing you are superior to him doesn't mean her feelings for you (or him) are any different. She has feelings for him that she doesn't have for you. 

21 hours ago, king ouss said:

i have problems with him outside of their relationship we even got to the point of physically fighting (i beat him up tbh, i'm kinda proud of that),

Really, dude? I hope you're a teenager because if you're older than that, this is incredibly immature. 

21 hours ago, king ouss said:

i needed to take my distance from her

Good. This is for the best since she doesn't see you in a romantic light, and it will hurt you when she eventually starts dating someone else. 

[smackie9]

Her ex dumped her and now her ego is busted up. She's just wanting attention, being all touchy feely to feel better about herself/ having a guy desire her. Ditch this girl fast. 

Edited March 20 by smackie9