brokentopieces Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 My ex is a very strange man. He is 30 years now. 3 years ago, we started an office affair, which fell into all those scenarios of feeling so special for each other, every day sex, etc. While his then wife just had a baby which was around 1 year old. I just enjoyed his attention and sex, never thought about leaving my husband and my son. Then he told me he loved me and wanted to leave his then wife. I did nt encourage him nor stopped him. THen he started not using protection during sex and I got pregnant. So we started moving out of both family and started living together. The first half year was great. We started our life from scratch, he promised he will never leave me and will treat my son like his own. Then gradually, he started using his ex-wife as his supporting system and talked to her everyday, and she started directing his action towards me. For instance, treating my kid very bad, pick on him, and always compared his daughter from his ex with mine and she was always so great. a lot better than my son. And told me one day he will never happy while my son is around. At that moment, I sensed we will never worked out. But since I was pregnant, we still stayed together, and got a house (in his name) etc. After our child was born, he just started working late again, never came home earlier, always came home around 9 or 10pm and alwyas said I am doing your job, etc. Then when the baby was 11 month and I was pregnant again 5 months , he one day came home asking me to do abortion, because if I choose my first son, I have to move out with my both kids and leave him alone. I was tired of all those nightmere anyway and moved out to an rundown apartment, but still keep a key to his house. At sametime, he kept talking me into moving back to my ex because he was considering moving back to his ex. which will do good for all the kids. if I am not going back to my ex, I better give up our son up for adoption because that is best for him to have a loving parents. And I asked why he not ask his ex-wife to give his daugher away for adoption so she can have a loving parents? Then a week later, I sneaked into his house and found another woman's belongings there and she moved into his house!!!! and he ordered a cruise of almost $3000 for her the second day I moved out. What a shock. He cheated on me with that woman. Then of course a lot lies, cries, a lot arguement, and they finally married 3 months after I moved out. and now she is expecting another kid for him. He is going to have 3 kids from 3 different women. I am over him now, no anger and no hurt feeling very much. Just wonder what kind of man this is sometimes, and don't know what I should tell my toddler son about his father. DOes his father love him? Definately not by my experience, because he wanted to give him away for adoption while he was dating his hot woman. And he did not visit him for 6 months just to date and marry. And What should I tell my son about this man?
Owl Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 Tell him that his father was someone you cared for a lot who came into your life and left a short time later. Tell him you loved him but that isn't always enough. Tell him that you love him (your son I mean now) and that you're glad that he's yours and in your life and that while his father isn't there now, he's still got you. And remember it's entirely possible that you'll meet someone else before you have this talk with your son...someone who'll love you AND your son, and it won't matter anyway.
Author brokentopieces Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 Thanks for your response. The problem for me now is I can not trust anybody any more. It seems to maintain a couple's relationship is already very hard, however with two little kids involved, is even harder. I determined not to put my kids through this any more and will not actively seek anyone until that magic happens by itself. Everytime I have someone interested in me, I just withdrawn myself. I belive I have very bad mental issues now.
Kenyth Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 Your biggest problem was not being selective enough. You chose him based on lust alone. If he was cheating on his wife when he met you, what made you think you were going to be different? You have to look for men who are honest, responsible, and trustworthy. They will already display those traits before you start seeing them. Don't take excuses, look for the evidence of their virtues.
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