drgnflybethany Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 (I will try to make this as short as possible): At the end of September, I went to a major fundraiser for an organization I belong to in my spare time. I wore a beautiful dress and was told how pretty I looked quite a bit, which is hard for me to admit, as I normally don't find myself pretty (that's something I am working on). That night, I saw a very attractive man, about my age, whom I hadn't met before. Within this organization, I'm pretty well aware of members about my age. All night long, I kept glancing at him, watching for either a girl to come by (be it a date or a girlfriend) or a boy (be it a date or a boyfriend - hey you never know in this day and age). When no one materialized at his side (and this was the kind of thing you'd bring a signifigant other to), I waited for anyone I knew to go near him. No one did. He finally came over to the table I was sitting at and spoke with a friend of mine, someone he did know. I stood next to my friend - and waited for my friend (who obviously knew this attractive man) to introduce us. That never happened, but the attractive guy extended his hand and introduced himself. I took his hand and tried to introduce myself - and when I did - he said, "Yes, we've met before." I was so taken aback, because I remember about 99.9% of the people I meet. This guy was the .1%. He walked away shortly thereafter, and I felt so badly. I put it in the back of my head, because, again, this is not a normal occurrence for me. Usually I am the person that remembers someone that doesn't remember me. (One of my greatest fears is that I'm not memorable.) And when I had a moment, here and there, I was trying to figure out when I met him. (He was that good looking...) I finally figured out that we had met at the end of April. He had been particularly helpful at an event that I attended, that he organized. At the time, I put his age pretty much a lot younger than me - and definitely not something I would have felt comfortable with. (This was due in part to the fact that he was a law school student and he looks younger than he actually is - which is a problem I have as well.) During that five minute conversation, he said that he was interested in getting more involved - and I handed him my card, told him when our smaller part of the organization had a meeting next. But, I never heard back from him. Not even to go out on our email list. This was also a particularly difficult time for me, emotionally, as I was going through the end process of a break-up. So, after figuring that out - a month after seeing him at the dinner, I finally worked up the nerve to email him a month later. (In all fairness, part of that month was spent tracking down his email address.) I basically asked him to confirm that we met at the event in April, because I wasn't completely sure. I sent my email off at around 10:30 at night - and I had a response before 7 a.m. the next day. And turns out, I missed him not once but twice. He apparently did come to a meeting. I just don't remember that, either. First question:In his initial response he said, "I'm flattered by your curiosity." (In response to my question about when we met.) So - I'm wondering what that means. So, we email back and forth for about a week. And then, I send off one reply and nothing happens for about a week and a half. But the organization we both belong to has their Holiday Party, and I fight the urge to email him to find out if he's going to be there. (Email is my thing, as I write well.) I show up, and when I get there - he's talking on the phone - and here's the problem: I can't honestly tell for 100% sure if it's him or not. (The other dinner was in a dimly lit ballroom.) Now, I'm trying not to feel like he's watching me all night long, but in fairness, I'm doing that to him. But, I know I can't go up to him and say, "Jeff?" as if I'm confirming it's him. Somehow, I truly believe that would have hurt him, as it would have hurt me in a reverse situation. In addition to that, I would have thought, man are you crazy or do you just have a bad memory? So, all night long, I'm sort of wondering why he's not coming up to me. I feel like he's watching me, he's usually facing my direction - and I'm off to the side of the room. Second question: Does him not coming over to me signify a lack of interest? A friend of mine shows up. At this point, he and I were like five feet away. So, as quietly as I can, I ask my friend if she knows him. She says, "yes." I ask if it's Jeff and she says, "yes." And then goes on to give me some information about just how influential his family is - which terrifies me. But, he starts to leave - turns to go out the double doors - and I just know, feel with every fiber of my being, he's walking out the doors to go - and I have no idea when I'm going to see him again. I struggle with my feelings for about a minute and finally realize - this may be my last shot. So, I walk after him. And get up the nerve to say his name (I swear, from where, I do not know.) And he turns around so quickly, it's as if he was expecting it all along. He says, "Hey, Bethany." - We exchange pleasantries and he says: "so, I'm still wondering how you got my email address." (This was in the same email address as the flattered comment, and when I replied to the email, told him it was a long and boring story, so I'd go with, "I have my ways.") To answer him, I sort of pulled him off to the side so that we wouldn't be disturbed, because the story is a little embarassing (I was studying the precinct chair lists for another organization - to target membership and there was his email address) - I told him the truth and then reiterated from my original email that if he felt I was being obtrusive in anyway, I was sorry - and (and I barely got to finish when he said - "oh, no - I'm just curious, because I'm all over the internet.. so I was just wondering where it was exactly that you got it from.") He apologized for dashing out, but he was on his way to his office party. And then he said, "Email me, okay?" And tapped my elbow. (which confused me, as he had not responded to my last email.) The one thing that I absolutely loved is the entire time we were talking, his eyes never left my face, they barely left my eyes. So, the next afternoon, I was bored. As is my habit, I typed up an email, figuring I would edit it over the next few days. (I write a lot - I know - you couldn't tell by this post. As a result, I feel the need to delete and revise so that I'm not inundating with information. ) But, I editted and editted - and got it sparsed down to an acceptable length. And it just felt right, so I sent it off. He responded within three hours to it. (And his response asked me a question that made it seem like he had not received and/or read my previous email.) So, I answered that email a couple of days later - and it's been a couple of days. I know he's busy with work. I know he's going to sit for the BAR exam in February (after having a disappointing setback - this will be the second time he's sat for it). I know it's the Holidays and family usually comes first. But, I'm just wondering: Third Question: Is this him just being nice and polite or is there the possibility of an attraction? Fourth Question: When is it acceptable to send another email, as I fear that he may not be getting some of mine? *I know - a week at least...* He is now receiving the weekly newsletters that my smaller organization sends out (which is on a hiatus for the Holidays) - which means he will probably be coming to our Happy Hours and our Meetings. I'm just wondering if I should just wait until I see him again... which probably won't be until after the new year..or if I should take a chance an email him again. He always responds with a semi-personal question at the end of it - such as "Are you thinking of going (to law school)?" That was in the last email. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated. I am intelligent on a lot of things - but this girl/guy thing I can't seem to figure out. Thanks.
933KJL Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 OK so you forgot what the guy looks like and he is apparently better with names and recognition than you. You have an interest in him, you should have gone up and said Jeff! (not Jeff?) and if it was him, you were on your way. If not, it obviously was some stranger and you can just laugh it off. OMG, you look strikingly similar to a friend of mine named Jeff. By the way, my name is Bethany, do you have a lot of money you would like to donate to the cause? And off you go. If he is "all over the net" it is possible that he either overlooked your email or it got caught in a spam filter. So I would say that he is probably NOT ignoring you. He obviously has some interest in you. Email is fine for casual communication, but you need to get off the kick. Send him an email (since that is the only way you can get in touch with him at this point) and ask him point blank for his phone number because some of your emails may not be getting through! Go from there.
tanbark813 Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 Ok, first and foremost, I think you're analyzing things WAY too much. That being said... First question:In his initial response he said, "I'm flattered by your curiosity." (In response to my question about when we met.) So - I'm wondering what that means. It means he's flattered by your curiosity. He was probably pleased that you wrote to him, especially since he replied first thing in the morning. Nobody replies to emails first thing in the morning unless they want to. Second question: Does him not coming over to me signify a lack of interest? I don't think it does in this case. You didn't approach him all night but you were interested. Maybe he was just as unsure about approaching you. Third Question: Is this him just being nice and polite or is there the possibility of an attraction? There's at least a possibility. Fourth Question: When is it acceptable to send another email, as I fear that he may not be getting some of mine? *I know - a week at least...* I don't think you have to wait a full week. At any rate, it sounds like there is mutual attraction so one of you needs to sack up and ask the other out.
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