hmm111 Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 my ex broke up with me about a month and a half ago(shes 22)...bc she felt the spark was gone...this was bc i had become sluggish in playing the boyfriend role during the later part of the relationship and didn't do the things i use to do before that would be sweet and loving. Therefore, i do blame this breakup a lot on myself. So this breakup ended our 5 year relationship and after 1.5 months since, she is still very bitter about how i treated her when we were together. At the beginning, I tried to talk to her but of course, it only made things worse and pushed her farther away bc she would get angry talking about the things that went wrong. Keep in mind that it was me who was doing the calling and pursuing. She didn't want to talk to me but did when i was able to get a hold of her, but ultimately she wanted space to find herself and to experience new things. All of our conversations at this point involved her pretty much pressing the issue that it was a one sided relationship and that she was the one who put everything into this relationship while i didn't do much. About 3 weeks ago, i decided to do NC, and after a week of it, she sends me an email saying that she cries a lot when she thinks of me and that its hitting her hard..and that its lonely..and about how certain things brought back memories. There would be a few more emails going back and forth between us, but only discussing nonrelevant things that were going on in life...but the later emails weren't as depressing as her first couple of emails so i guess she was sad only at some moments? She also text messaged me during the middle of the night asking if i was asleep..which i was. She even starts IMing my brother(which she never would do initially after the breakup) and would say things to him about how shes so confused and she doesn't know who she is and things like that that made no sense. She even said that she didn't want to break it off to begin with and that it was so hard for her to break ties with me. Since she was beginning to act this way, i figured she was starting to come around and maybe would want to talk things through...so I wait about another week and called her up on the phone to ask her if she would like to have lunch with me the next day or so. We talked and it was extremely uncomfortable and awkward throughout the brief conversation (we haven't spoken to each other by voice in about a month). Anyways, she sounded indifferent on the phone and turned down my invitation...saying that she had finals to study for the next couple of days. I knew this was an excuse because there were pauses/hesitations while she thought about it before giving the answer. So I say ok then, and say our goodbyes. So my brother IMs her the next day and casually brings up the subject of me asking her out to lunch...and she said she didn't want to bc we were broken up and that we need to move on..and then apologizes to him for being so cranky saying that she was still very bitter about it all. Now this confused the hell out of me. When I thought she was coming around and all the evidence pointed to me that maybe she was waiting for me to take action, she turns me down and still appears bitter if not more than how she was at the beginning of the breakup...maybe hearing my voice triggered some sort of bad feeling? I have no idea....has anyone ever had the same thing happen where the dumper was still angry and bitter? Will this bitterness ever die down so that somehting good can actually happen? How should I approach this?
2p worth Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 She's said she wants to move on so for your own good - move on. She's dumped you once, she would do it again. Don't hesitate to think otherwise. Keep NC. Do it for yourself. Use the relationship experience to understand more about yourself. Talk to your brother about why you want to do NC. If him talking about you to her bothers you, ask him to relay second rate info (assuming she asks). i.e. "Yes, he's doing fine". "No, he doesn't really talk about you". She won't feel so bad about moving on and she'll stick to the decision she made without causing you any more grief. Don't make the mistake of giving her a lifeline by getting in touch yourself. Keep NC, learn from your mistakes and move on.
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