2p worth Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 After breaking off a brief (2 month) relationship just over a week ago, I've suddenly got more free time to spare. Although the relationship is definitely over and I'm maintaining NC, I can't help but feel a touch lonely. Now that it is coming up to Christmas (I’ve just finished work for the year), friends are going home to see their families, so trying to organise social outings is a little tougher than usual. I did manage to get out last weekend with friends and went to a club where I had a bit of a kiss with a great looking blonde girl, before heading off to the toilet and then leaving the place - without asking for her number (stupid, stupid, stupid - although it was so loud in there, it wasn't like I could have a proper conversation). Anyway, back to the free time thing... I had a thought... Why not try the online dating thing and see how that goes? There are many sites around - like match.com, datingdirect.com, etc... What is people's experience of that? Is it worth the fee (seems expensive!)? I've also been thinking about the types of people who would register on such a site and who (if I registered) I might be likely to meet / date... i.e. People with too much time (or no time) on their hands. People who are emotionally upset / low esteem / low confidence. People with no friends (whether that is due to themselves or just having moved to new area). People who are just up for a laugh - or are doing it to prove some point. Psychotics. Etc... The thing is, I don’t believe reading someone’s profile will tell me enough to know whether I’d like them or not. I definitely would have to meet them to decide, but how can I go about getting a date by selling myself online to someone I’ve never met? I feel / its my opinion that loveshack.org is becoming a comprehensive guide to getting a better understanding of the other sex, with people of both sexes posting how they feel about their situations. Looking around at who often posts at loveshack.org, I've noticed there are repeat posters who have similar ideas about relationships, how people act and how people should act, in addition to stating how people should also live by how they post. When I consider that, it makes me wonder whether people registered on this site would make really suitable partners and I'm wondering whether that has happened? Does anyone consider this place more than just a repository for thoughts, fears, consolation and support?
Outcast Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 I've also been thinking about the types of people who would register on such a site and who (if I registered) I might be likely to meet / date... i.e. People with too much time (or no time) on their hands. People who are emotionally upset / low esteem / low confidence. People with no friends (whether that is due to themselves or just having moved to new area). People who are just up for a laugh - or are doing it to prove some point. Psychotics. Etc... Who will you meet at a bar? People with too much time (or no time) on their hands. People who are emotionally upset / low esteem / low confidence. People with no friends (whether that is due to themselves or just having moved to new area). People who are just up for a laugh - or are doing it to prove some point. Psychotics. etc. The difference is that the Internet gets a lot of those 'getting to know you' questions out of the way. By the time you've met someone, you've probably had at least a couple discussions as well as having read a profile that will tell you their thoughts about things like humour, smoking, having kids, etc. but how can I go about getting a date by selling myself online to someone I’ve never met? One hopes you're not trying to 'sell' yourself. Rather, express who you are because it's pointless attracting people who won't like your genuine self.
Lilly Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 In my opinion, there are a lot of losers, players, liars and people with low self esteem on internet dating websites. People who couldn't meet someone in real life situations. I know this because I know a lot of people who have joined these dating websites. This is just my opinion. Maybe other people see it differently. 1
Author 2p worth Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 Quote : One hopes you're not trying to 'sell' yourself. Rather, express who you are because it's pointless attracting people who won't like your genuine self. Well... I certainly wasn't expecting to be paid, that's for sure! I agree with what you're saying - but at the same time, there's plenty of profiles out there and I have to admit, I can't be bothered to read them all the way through - so would other people read mine? Probably not - unless it really stood out. From that - You might question how serious I am about it - and I'm not saying I'd lie, but to be fair - spending 10 minutes with someone, I'd have some idea as to whether I might like them or not, but I can't make heads nor tails from reading these girl's profiles. As a side thought - I'm not a smoker myself and seeing that in a profile might put me off someone who is otherwise perfect for me.
Author 2p worth Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 Quote : In my opinion, there are a lot of losers, players, liars and people with low self esteem on internet dating websites. People who couldn't meet someone in real life situations. I know this because I know a lot of people who have joined these dating websites. How about people who are feeling just plain lonely? Does the fact that I've even looked at such a site make me one of those people you've described? I would hate like to think so... :( but where do you draw the line?
Outcast Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 I agree with what you're saying - but at the same time, there's plenty of profiles out there and I have to admit, I can't be bothered to read them all the way through - so would other people read mine? Probably not - unless it really stood out. Well, you're supposed to enter your search criteria so they narrow down the 'plenty of profiles' to ones that you two already match on. But whatever. If you don't want to do it, don't. I think all it does is offer the opportunity to search farther for someone you'll click with than your own little bit of the world. Quote : In my opinion, there are a lot of losers, players, liars and people with low self esteem on internet dating websites. People who couldn't meet someone in real life situations. I know this because I know a lot of people who have joined these dating websites. And I know some people who have joined who are perfectly decent people. How about people who are feeling just plain lonely? Does the fact that I've even looked at such a site make me one of those people you've described? I would hate like to think so... but where do you draw the line? There's millions of people on those sites and that many reasons they do it. To fear being considered a 'loser' because you're trying internet dating is very last-century.
Author 2p worth Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 Outcast - been there done that?....
Author 2p worth Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 Quote : There's millions of people on those sites and that many reasons they do it. To fear being considered a 'loser' because you're trying internet dating is very last-century. Hmm... Is it very last century to fear being considered a loser for trying internet dating... or is it very last century to consider a participant a loser? Two subtly different outcomes there - would like you to clarify.
slubberdegullion Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 2p, internet dating sites are not what they used to be. What once was a haven for losers, geeks and players of both sexes has become mainstream. Meeting someone special has progressed from the bar, through the health club, to online. I've personally met some really, really wonderful people through online sites. Some relationships blossomed, others didn't, but in the very least I met some good people who otherwise I never would have met. As far as I know, there's only one site that's free, called Plenty of Fish. I was on for a couple of weeks, and met some really good people. So don't be afraid to give it a whirl. You may not find the love of your life, but you may find some people to hang out with. Good luck! 1
Outcast Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 What Slub said. Outcast - been there done that?.... I've done searches and did it once - which turned into a three-year relationship. I'm not looking at the moment but should the time come when that changes, that's the route I'd go. Hmm... Is it very last century to fear being considered a loser for trying internet dating... or is it very last century to consider a participant a loser? Two subtly different outcomes there - would like you to clarify. All of the above. For the reasons Slub listed.
Author 2p worth Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 What Slub said. I've done searches and did it once - which turned into a three-year relationship. I'm not looking at the moment but should the time come when that changes, that's the route I'd go. All of the above. For the reasons Slub listed. Outcast - I hope you are not so named for reasons listed by Slub as well! 3 yrs is a decent while... I hope you didn't learn all this wisdom from that one relationship. Did you amend your post just then? How about the second part to my post - meeting people from loveshack.org?
Author 2p worth Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 there's only one site that's free, called Plenty of Fish. I was on for a couple of weeks, and met some really good people. Site looks good, except I don't think its for people in England, UK. Correct me if I'm wrong!
slubberdegullion Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 I'm pretty sure there's a UK section to the site, though I've never checked it out.
Outcast Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 Outcast - I hope you are not so named for reasons listed by Slub as well! 3 yrs is a decent while... I hope you didn't learn all this wisdom from that one relationship. Nope. I have friends who have done the internet thing and I read a lot to learn a lot. Did you amend your post just then? I suffer from chronic afterthoughtitis. How about the second part to my post - meeting people from loveshack.org? Don't think LS likes it. I've heard of two situations - both ended badly. Then again, knowing a bit about some of the folks involved, I'm not surprised. Here's the most important lesson I've learned from meeting folks from the Internet (including from forums, not just dating sites); people will tell you what they believe about themselves. Your job is to figure out whether what they believe about themselves is actually true. This is the same issue you face with meeting people in 3D; someone may tell you he's 'nice' or 'honest' - you then have to see if he walks the talk. Some people are 100% the same online as in person and some differ greatly.
Lilly Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 You're right! Internet dating websites are not what they use to be. They are worse. I live in a large city in Texas and there use to be some very attractive men on internet dating websites from the city years ago. Now every country hick goober you can think of is on the internet dating websites looking for someone to go fishing with.
Art_Critic Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 Now every country hick goober you can think of is on the internet dating websites looking for someone to go fishing with. Everybody has a pole to dip..and those goobers have as many equal female goobers on the dating sites with a pond to dip their pole in.. It's all about using common sense techniques and weed out the trash and what you have left are the dateable people.. But what is trash to you might not be trash to someone else
Author 2p worth Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 I have friends who have done the internet thing and I read a lot to learn a lot. Interpersonal relationship books / articles / mags? Don't think LS likes it. I've heard of two situations - both ended badly. Then again, knowing a bit about some of the folks involved, I'm not surprised. Here's the most important lesson I've learned from meeting folks from the Internet (including from forums, not just dating sites); people will tell you what they believe about themselves. I agree with you there and so very conscious about what you said earlier (selling myself). Its a fine line - what someone believes (and broadcasts) about themselves versus how they are. I knew one woman who seemingly convinced herself that her lies were really the truth (or was she just lying again?).... I am thankful for my memory in that regard.
Outcast Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 Interpersonal relationship books / articles / mags? Yep. Online and paper.
Author 2p worth Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 You're right! Internet dating websites are not what they use to be. They are worse. I live in a large city in Texas and there use to be some very attractive men on internet dating websites from the city years ago. Now every country hick goober you can think of is on the internet dating websites looking for someone to go fishing with. I was dating a Texan for just over a year until a few months ago... She was awesome. She had her faults (she's the one I just mentioned about her lies being the truth )... but she was awesome. She had a kid as well, but he was great too. We all really got on until the whole distance thing started when she got internet access. That's a relationship that I really regret ended - but in a way it was for the best and I know now what I want in a relationship. There's certainly not enough decent Texas women here in England.
Author 2p worth Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 Quote: Originally Posted by Outcast Don't think LS likes it. I've heard of two situations - both ended badly. Then again, knowing a bit about some of the folks involved, I'm not surprised. I take it one of the situations must have included Gold_pile. That guy gets around.
Lonely nice guy Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 If you are smart about how you use the internet, then it can be a great place to meet a lot of great people. It can be a bit like window shopping, try not to custom tailor fit your ideal match. If your ideal woman is a blonde, and a nice brunette writes a profile you like, would you really dismiss her? As for weirdos, freaks, stalkers and ax murderers. Are you one? Do you know anyone who is? You probably won't find anyone who is. Read the profiles carefully, write something unique, and don't lie. You'll always be found out when you do lie. Exchange a few emails for a few weeks before you meet in a neutral setting. An ax murderer probably will not be as patient as that. Besides, by exhanging quite a few emails, this is your chance to find out about your match and check for inconsistencies in the story they're telling you. I have met only three women online, and they were great. Two of them I was really disappointed that it didn't work out. Do the internet dating thing correctly and you can be successful.
choukyla Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 I totally agree with 'lonely nice guy'. Based on this discussion. I myself found a wify on the net. I registered to one of these site, found and marriage her. It's one of those thing we just need to be careful with. It is exactly as per previous post, is meeting someone on the net any difference from meeting someone in the Pub ? How do you know if the person you meet is not an ax murderer. It doesn't matter where you meet them, the courtshipping and finding out the person is all the same. Stick your finger in the bath to see if the water is comfortable, if it is jump in and bath. Same with meeting someone. What's the term ? 'Breaking the ice' or 'Chat up lines' These are all the same where ever you go. I meet my wife by browsing the dating website. The site had at least 500+ persons and I had to browse through them all. As with everything else, I made my best judgement on what I saw and email her. Like if I was in the pub, I email her with only a very short email saying a few things about myself and ask couple of questions. From that she reply and there it was, we hit off. The only thing I can say to these sort of thing is that, be honest and trust the other person. If your too paraniod, it will never work because been paraniod can be picked up by the other person. If you meet someone in the Pub etc etc. You'll need to date them 6+ months to find out decent details about them to decide whether the relationship was going stronge. So with email, it's the same you just email back and forth until you relies if the person was cool or not. Just for a record, we have been together for 3 years now and pop out a kid boy. Things still looking good, fingers cross I won't be back here asking advice on devoice
littlekitty Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 Internet dating is more the 'norm' than ever before. All types of happy, normal, everyday people use it. I've had 2 serious relationships via Internet Dating and it looks like the 2nd might be the ONE! It's a great way to meet people... get out there.. have fun!
flamingjune Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 Hi 2p, Meeting people online's just another means to an end. In fact, more often than not, the people that I've run into were educated, attractive, well-read, articulate, and generally quite nice. It's true that there are some duds, but that would be true of any other venue. Just pay attention to what they write and say, and ideally try to meet in person sooner than later after a couple letters and phone calls. It would be short-sighted to write it off as "just for losers" especially if you haven't tried it. I know a couple that's currently engaged and they met off the net. And I know several others who have been dating successfully.
Author 2p worth Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 OK. Any cheap sites? Match.com is ~ $45 to send anyone an e-mail...
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