Delicaterose00 Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 Ok, everyone hi. Basically, I was cheated on after 2 years and lied to. This was in May we broke up, but apparently they have been seeing each other since March. Is anyone else still hurting after this amount of time and jelous still?? I am so angry and jelous that he gets to have love and someone to love and after all these month I still dont! Why does someone who does not deserve it, get it?????? Why does he get to be happy and not me!!!! We dont talk to each other anymore, but he is bestfreinds with my cousins husband so I get work from my cuz about him... which sucks, cause its like, hell never be non existent in my life, ill always feel the need to ask her things and have to make sure when i go there he is not there. im so angry and still miss him somtimes even though he treated me horrible in the end.... he is everything now I wanted him to be for me, she is doing things that he broke up with me for but he likes them in her???? I even heard he lost respect from some of his freinds because of her and lost some even! So what gives?? they are already talking on moving in together and stuff....... its so unfair...... I need advice here.. it would be a lot easier if he was the same flirting, cheating, liar guy he was when he was with me and immature durring the end... but he is not, he changed!!! what the heck!!!! Then his mom text me yesterday, Merry christams, Love mom and dad.. .I couldnt stop crying.. they loved me as their daughter as I loved them as my family.. and his parents had a hard time with our breakup, they cried and coudlnt sleep.... AUGHH HELP ME SOMEONE! I WANT TO LET GO! I have been through the no eatting, no sleeping, nothing can be fun, no smiling period.. Im over that, and glad to be out of the hole, but I feel like Im about to get suctioned back in....
JS17 Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 I don't really have an answer for you but I can relate. My breakup was back in January, almost a year ago. It still seems unfair that he was immature and unable to commit with me but his girlfriend now is the love of his life. So he has been happy for (atleast, probably longer) a year with her and I have been alone for most of the time with the exception of a guy I dated in the middle of the year that tore my heart out. He's not a nice person, he treated me extremely poorly, yet he still gets to find love in his life. I don't know, it seems pretty unfair to me. I have been through the no eatting, no sleeping, nothing can be fun, no smiling period too. I'm over that also but I think there will always be pain associated with it. It never goes away, it just dulls down to the point where you can breathe again. Are you trying to get back the life you had before he came into it or at least building a new one for yourself? It doesn't take away the pain and the anger but doing anything to focus on yourself is a postive thing.
Author Delicaterose00 Posted December 19, 2005 Author Posted December 19, 2005 Yes, I am trying to better myself, I have learned a lot though from that relationship, more of what I want and dont want more of what to look for and not look for.... Im thinking of going to school and I took a second job just to make extra money cause I can cause I have no boyfreind now... Ive seen a few guys since my ex but nothing that lasted and nothing serious.. just dating... and now im alone... i wish for one day, i could go a whole day not thinking of him.. my other two break ups.. one he broke, me i broke, were bad, but I found someone right after each one almost.. within a few months, and this time I have no one, so its like i have to try and deal with this with no one to take my mind off of it.. its so hard!
quankanne Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 *hug* I'm sorry you're going through this, especially during the holiday season, when you feel like you're supposed to be happy. Grieving (yes, anger is part of it) must run its course. However (now for the kick in the butt), you've got to remind yourself to let it go, otherwise, you're going to make yourself even more miserable than you need to be. is he happy? Possibly. But that's neither here nor there, DR ~ the important thing is that YOU'RE are UNhappy, and only YOU can change your situation by adopting a different outlook. Yes, it's gonna hurt like hell for a while, but eventually, the grieving lessens and you get back into the swing of things. Don't let a bad relationship define the rest of your life. Remember, even if he's not with you still, there was something wonderful about you that initially attracted him (and other sweethearts to you); it might not be obvious to you right now because you're dealing with the pain, but it's still there, waiting for someone new to discover ... and cherish. turn to and take comfort in the love you already do possess. Your parents, your friends, your sibs or nieces/nephews, all those folks. You are a special person, and love will come to you, but first you've got to prepare yourself for that new love by purging all these negative feelings you possess over your former relationship. you know what they say: the best revenge is living well.
In Sync Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 I feel for you. Most of here have been in your spot. And though it still hurts us, the intensity will lessen in times and sometimes it gets even worse...I won't lie to you about that. But you will laugh again. My number one advise is cut out getting all information about his life and what he's doing with whom. Because you will eat yourself alive with this unnecessary info you really don't need to know. SO ask friends family please don't talk about your ex right now. It's not being mean or nasty, it's to help you heal. The less you know the better. As a matter of fact are you feeling any better knowing what you already do know. Obviously not. You must keep yourself busy in this time. Busy like you can never imagine. Preocuppy your mind, with things you need to focus on that concern you. School, your career, pampering yourself, plenty of exercise. Write in your journal if you have one. Don't hold back. Keep writing the same angry thoughts out, everyday. No one will know what you write. WRITE till you are exhausted. It's called vent. But close the journal and get back to focusing on you and what you like doing. This is the process of redirecting that love back onto you and not him. No it's not fair that they are happy, I've been there with that thinking..but at the end of the day...we must try our damn best to make ourselves happy. And that comes from focusing on keeping your mind off him and putting it back on YOU. There's no magic bullet so this effort must be made by you alone.
itwontdawnsooner Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 im very sorry!! just remember, though, life is NOT fair. fairness has nothing to do with it you make your own fairness and whatever s*** gets thrown your way, you have to look at it like a test, and something that will somehow, even when youre deep in the depths, stronger. take it as a challenge took me a long time to figure that out, and lots of pain you can make it through. even in weakness you will find strength just take it one second at a time
countrygrrrl Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 I don't want to believe that my husband cheated on me, although I have my doubts. He lied, all the time... about where he had been, who he was with, what he had been doing. He left me about 14 months ago, and I am devastated. I keep asking myself, how can you still be in love with someone who hurt you so? I want to believe that he is a better person. I want to believe him when he says he still loves me. Yet, I see how happy he is. He has moved on and he is doing so well without me. I, on the other hand, am not doing so well. It hurts so much. I have so much anger toward him for walking out on me and our children. I hate him for being able to leave and get on with his life as though I meant nothing to him. Leaving me to pick up the pieces and "deal with it." How does anyone move on? And when will I stop feeling this way????????????????????????????????????????
In Sync Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 I don't want to believe that my husband cheated on me, although I have my doubts. He lied, all the time... about where he had been, who he was with, what he had been doing. He left me about 14 months ago, and I am devastated. I keep asking myself, how can you still be in love with someone who hurt you so? I want to believe that he is a better person. I want to believe him when he says he still loves me. Yet, I see how happy he is. He has moved on and he is doing so well without me. I, on the other hand, am not doing so well. It hurts so much. I have so much anger toward him for walking out on me and our children. I hate him for being able to leave and get on with his life as though I meant nothing to him. Leaving me to pick up the pieces and "deal with it." How does anyone move on? And when will I stop feeling this way???????????????????????????????????????? I am sorry that your husband let you and your children. Your situation is far more difficult when the lives of children are involved. But since it is what it is, I will say this. At this point the kids come first. And by that I mean, somewher deep inside you, it is important to find that inner strength that is almost super human (because that's how mom's are) and not become a woman so embittered by the way her husband mistreated her. Your children look to you on how to persevere and the impression you give them must be of courage and dignity in spite of what their father has done to you. Yes they should be allow to know their mother's heart is broken, but they will love you more if through that broken heart is one that is resilient. Not full of hate. Because if they see that hate from you, they will copy it. You can not even focus one minute on how he's moved on so easily. He cannot be your anchor around your neck. You don't have that luxury, because that takes time off of how you will rebuild your esteem up and go on to be a strong woman that your children will always be proud of. Trust me, you will deal with it. Aside from prayer, you may need to turn to other strong role models, be it a family member or friend or member of any spiritual group for occassional help. Will it be tough..hell yeah, but you will pick up the pieces and make a blanket full of love and warmth for you and your children. I implore you to be filled with love for yourself because if you remain angry and full of hatred for him and his life it will increasing bring you down. You simply can go there, for your children's sake. I speak this way because my mom was you. And recently she passed away, I can assure you that I never lacked for anything in my life despite what must have been an incredibly difficult struggle for her. I knew my father left her and my sister and me, but today I don't think of how she was filled with anger for him, or about his life, I only can think about all she did for me.
Zetter Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 countrygrrl, I am in the same boat (I feel like I say that a lot lately). I'm finalizing divorce stuff today, and it friggin hurts like hell. It's been about 5 months since the fit hit the shan, and I feel like it was yesterday. I'm having a horrible time thinking that the woman I married left me for someone else, and she doesn't even give it a second thought. Meanwhile, I'm left to deal with selling the house (we were in the process of buying a house and had sold ours when she left), finding a crappy apartment, sorting out credit cards and paying off her $500 phone bill she racked up by calling her new dude. She's going on vacations and enjoying being unmarried again. I know I need to do that stuff, but I need more time to heal and that takes longer I'm assuming when you are left. and I'm having a very difficult time getting over her, even though she hurt me and betrayed me worse than anyone ever could...and this was supposed to be the person who supported me and was there for me no matter what. Her vows should have been...for better, for richer, in health, until death do us part, or at least until I find myself attracted to someone else.
countrygrrrl Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 I am sorry that your husband let you and your children. Your situation is far more difficult when the lives of children are involved. But since it is what it is, I will say this. At this point the kids come first. And by that I mean, somewher deep inside you, it is important to find that inner strength that is almost super human (because that's how mom's are) and not become a woman so embittered by the way her husband mistreated her. Your children look to you on how to persevere and the impression you give them must be of courage and dignity in spite of what their father has done to you. Yes they should be allow to know their mother's heart is broken, but they will love you more if through that broken heart is one that is resilient. Not full of hate. Because if they see that hate from you, they will copy it. You can not even focus one minute on how he's moved on so easily. He cannot be your anchor around your neck. You don't have that luxury, because that takes time off of how you will rebuild your esteem up and go on to be a strong woman that your children will always be proud of. Trust me, you will deal with it. Aside from prayer, you may need to turn to other strong role models, be it a family member or friend or member of any spiritual group for occassional help. Will it be tough..hell yeah, but you will pick up the pieces and make a blanket full of love and warmth for you and your children. I implore you to be filled with love for yourself because if you remain angry and full of hatred for him and his life it will increasing bring you down. You simply can go there, for your children's sake. I speak this way because my mom was you. And recently she passed away, I can assure you that I never lacked for anything in my life despite what must have been an incredibly difficult struggle for her. I knew my father left her and my sister and me, but today I don't think of how she was filled with anger for him, or about his life, I only can think about all she did for me. Thank you for that. I do put my children first. They are my life. I know that they do not deserve the life that they have been handed. It is hard, a struggle to raise them on my own. But, we get by and I do the best I can. It was always important to me that they have a family, a mommy and a daddy. But, because of his choices I am not able to give them what I wish I could. I do give them unconditional love and support. I will always be there for my children, ALWAYS! I just thought he wanted the same things. I try so hard not to let them see my anger or see me cry. I want them to believe that I am handling this all just fine. I do not want to bring them down emotionally, nor do I want them to feel as though any of this is their fault. I guess I am more confused as to how he could just walk away!?!?!?
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