Jl221 Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 No, don't do it. Someone sort of did that to me once and it really seemed out of pity or something. Condescending and was just worse. Like I couldn't take the hurt or something and assuming they were even so important to me anyway. No one cares anymore.
NYCmitch25 Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 At first touch it would appear that you are doing a really nice thing but looking at it a little closer you are really doing it just for yourself. However, in you seeking attonment you help others find it I can't say it's such a bad thing. The only thing I would suggest is that you do it right... 1
Becoming Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 woogle.. I think providing your can apologize in a manner that won't look like you are trying to get back with them then you should.. I think the way in which you do it is key. And letting them know you're getting married and want to start this next part of your life with a clean slate is ample proof that lets them know you're sincere and not just trying to start something with them again. 1
johan Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 Months/years ago, Woggle decides to do something nice for himself and have a little physical pleasure. So he plays on the emotions of some poor woman and gets a few nights of easy pleasure for himself. Flash to today, Woggle decides to do something nice for himself and relieve the burden of guilt he's been carrying around. So he calls the same women up with a cheap, late apology and makes himself feel better. Maybe they'll give you a big hug. Maybe they're just nice, polite women who take a useless apology with the same smile they take a sincere one. Maybe you will feel better. That doesn't make it less lame. I wouldn't think that you are on their minds much at all. If you are, you're just doing more damage. If you aren't, then you have nothing to apologize for. That ship sailed.
Outcast Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 I know of people who are still upset about things which were done to them. They're upset because they don't feel that their pain was acknowledged by the person who did the injury. I know that them getting a call, even years later, from someone who finally says 'I know I hurt you' , would be great. It seems to be boiling down to genders as to who is willing to forgive and who not. Interesting.
johan Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 I know of people who are still upset about things which were done to them. They're upset because they don't feel that their pain was acknowledged by the person who did the injury. I know that them getting a call, even years later, from someone who finally says 'I know I hurt you' , would be great. My perspective on this: so what? I expect a line of women outside my door with lists of things to apologize for. And then I'll pour my own heart out to them. The world never evens out perfectly like that. A long overdue, feeble effort will leave things just as far out of balance as ever. It's self-serving regardless of what it does for the other person. You're just lucky if you happen to make their day any better, and you can walk away with a little extra shine on your halo. But considering their feelings is not the reason you'd apologize at this point. Too late. It's not technically an apology if you were actually ok with their presumed suffering for all this time. If you choose to feel guilty about it, then I think it shows more integrity to live with it.
Outcast Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 if you happen to make their day any better This is why it's worth it.
FataMorgana Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 I think the way in which you do it is key. And letting them know you're getting married and want to start this next part of your life with a clean slate is ample proof that lets them know you're sincere and not just trying to start something with them again. I agree with this as well. Think it's a very nice thought and it takes a lot of courage to do something like that.
whichwayisup Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 I was thinking today and during my player stage I realized I really treated a few women pretty badly. I never lied to them but it was still wrong. Should I call them and apologize just to get it off my chest. I want to start 2006 with a new lease on life and I feel I owe it to them to say sorry to their face. I think that if you feel the need to appologize, or make amends, then do it. Only thing about that (depending on what happened and how bad she may have felt) be prepared for any reaction. I know your heart is in the right place, I just hope they see that.
mental_traveller Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 I was thinking today and during my player stage I realized I really treated a few women pretty badly. I never lied to them but it was still wrong. Should I call them and apologize just to get it off my chest. I want to start 2006 with a new lease on life and I feel I owe it to them to say sorry to their face. Yes, good idea. You might even get some sympathy sex out of it! Seriously, what did you do that was so wrong? If you never lied to them then you did better than 90% of people in relationships. Unless you were a real a**h***, then I would forget it and let them get on with their lives. Don't disturb them to salve your own conscience. If you feel really bad, go to a priest or something.
whichwayisup Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 Yes, good idea. You might even get some sympathy sex out of it! Doubt he's looking for that, he's in a relationship with someone now.
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