cottoncandyboy Posted March 17 Share Posted March 17 my dad is going to be out of state for the next 2 months and im staying with my girlfriend in the meanwhile. (im 16 and she's only 3 years older) im just here for an extra safety net to make sure that im okay and temporary housing. this girl who's more of an acquaintance to me invited me to a party earlier. I didn't have any other plans and I didn't see why not, so I told her that I would go. I came "home" and told my girlfriend about it while I was telling her about my day. and she told me that I couldn't go because the area that it's in is bad and people are going to be doing drugs there I asked why she was telling me what to do and said that im not gonna be the one doing the drugs, so why does it matter that other people are doing them? then she said that she doesn't want to be held responsible if something happens to me and bad stuff happens in that area all the time, mostly because the people in that area are doing drugs and drinking. I argued again, saying nothing was going to happen to me, and even if so, she wouldn't be the one held responsible. then she said that I can't expect her to watch over me when it's convenient for me( cooking for me, washing my clothes, waking me up in the morning, etc.. which I didn't ask her to do any of this) and then not expect her to when it's not convenient for me , and that im no going, end of story this isn't the first time that she told me that I couldn't do something or gave her unnecessary input, she's done it multiple times. I asked her if we could eat pizza for dinner two days ago, but she said no. so I said fine, I'll eat pizza by myself, and I started to order pizza. then she called my dad to tell to him that I was trying to order pizza. he said it was fine at first, but she went on and on about what I had been eating, saying that it was gross and unhealthy. so my dad told me that I couldn't order it. I wasn't gonna die from not eating pizza, but it's the principle I wouldn't snitch on her if the roles were reversed. plus, I don't think that what im eating should concern her. I feel like she only did all that because I pissed her off prior to this. she said she would "get me back" and that seemed like her way of doing it. also I think that she told me I couldn't go to the party because she doesn't like the girl that invited me. im tired of being bossed around and im starting to get frustrated with how she's treating me. I feel like she's going way out of what she was asked to do and infantilizing me to her own benefit I tried to tell her about how ive been feeling earlier and she just told me that "id understand if I was older and in her position" she's said that im more mature than most teens my age, so I feel like this is coming out of nowhere. am I just being unreasonable and only looking at my side of things? I just need some perspective from other people not in the mix Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 17 Share Posted March 17 No, she's not doing this for no reason: You're a minor and have been entrusted to her care by your father. She's doing what she thinks your father would approve of. If you think she's getting too bossy, call your dad and tell her what she's refusing to allow and let him deal with it. That said, this is not a relationship of equals and you'd likely be far more comfortable with a girl your own age. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 17 Share Posted March 17 She seems more like your babysitter than a GF. You're acting like a rebellious child. So she's treating you like one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cottoncandyboy Posted March 17 Author Share Posted March 17 52 minutes ago, basil67 said: No, she's not doing this for no reason: You're a minor and have been entrusted to her care by your father. She's doing what she thinks your father would approve of. If you think she's getting too bossy, call your dad and tell her what she's refusing to allow and let him deal with it. That said, this is not a relationship of equals and you'd likely be far more comfortable with a girl your own age. my dad sides with her over me a lot of the time, so he would just tell me to "listen to whatever she says" before I even got a chance to explain myself. regardless, ill try to be more understanding with her side of things. im sure living with me has its downsides too. I still think that the pizza situation was petty tho. thank you for your input Link to post Share on other sites
Author cottoncandyboy Posted March 17 Author Share Posted March 17 26 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: She seems more like your babysitter than a GF. You're acting like a rebellious child. So she's treating you like one. can you explain how im acting like a rebellious child? I see myself as the exact opposite Link to post Share on other sites
SurfCity Posted March 17 Share Posted March 17 Isn't it kind of rude to not invite her to the party too? Especially since you live with her and she's your gf? Idk if your dad is paying her rent for you to stay with her, but if she's paying for your groceries, cooking your food, doing your laundry, and cleaning up after you, the least you could do is take her out for something fun. 3 hours ago, cottoncandyboy said: then she said that she doesn't want to be held responsible if something happens to me and bad stuff happens in that area all the time, mostly because the people in that area are doing drugs and drinking. She's right about this. 3 hours ago, cottoncandyboy said: I asked her if we could eat pizza for dinner two days ago, but she said no. so I said fine, I'll eat pizza by myself, and I started to order pizza. then she called my dad to tell to him that I was trying to order pizza. If she was paying for the pizza or had already cooked you a home cooked meal, she was right. If you paid for the pizza, then you were probably right, but she might have been frustrated by everything that you two have been arguing about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cottoncandyboy Posted March 17 Author Share Posted March 17 16 minutes ago, SurfCity said: Isn't it kind of rude to not invite her to the party too? Especially since you live with her and she's your gf? Idk if your dad is paying her rent for you to stay with her, but if she's paying for your groceries, cooking your food, doing your laundry, and cleaning up after you, the least you could do is take her out for something fun. She's right about this. If she was paying for the pizza or had already cooked you a home cooked meal, she was right. If you paid for the pizza, then you were probably right, but she might have been frustrated by everything that you two have been arguing about. now that I think about it... yeah..I guess it could've came off as rude. I don't like going anywhere alone tho and I would've asked her to come with me at some point the conversation, she just cut me off first to say that I couldn't go. my dad didn't pay her rent for me to be here because she's usually happy to have me here. he gave us both money for necessities, so she shouldn't be paying for anything out of pocket. I know how to cook for myself, clean up after myself, and do my own laundry. I don't know why she feels the need to do it all for me, but I tell her and show her that I appreciate it I was gonna pay for the pizza and I don't think she even thought about what she was cooking for dinner. I appreciate your input 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted March 17 Share Posted March 17 Here's the thing: technically speaking, you are a child and she is an adult. And I imagine that the reason why your dad was okay with your staying with her was that he viewed her as a responsible adult. The fact that she will essentially be responsible for you for the next two months and will probably be held accountable for anything bad that happens to you puts her in an awkward position. Not surprisingly, the dynamic of your relationship has shifted. She probably feels she has to step up and act like a babysitter (to use someone else's word). I imagine it must be frustrating for you. But this is one of the challenges that comes with dating someone who's in a different stage of life from you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 18 Share Posted March 18 This is a bizarre dynamic you have with your girlfriend. She is a legal adult and you are a minor. The biggest concern here is why would a 19-year-old woman date a 16-year-old boy? Depending where you live that may even be illegal. It's very inappropriate. She's your girlfriend but she's also in this strange position of power over you, babysitting you quite literally and taking on a parental role. What kind of relationship is this? Are you sexually active? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cottoncandyboy Posted March 18 Author Share Posted March 18 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: This is a bizarre dynamic you have with your girlfriend. She is a legal adult and you are a minor. The biggest concern here is why would a 19-year-old woman date a 16-year-old boy? Depending where you live that may even be illegal. It's very inappropriate. She's your girlfriend but she's also in this strange position of power over you, babysitting you quite literally and taking on a parental role. What kind of relationship is this? Are you sexually active? she's (freshly) 20 and I turn 17 soon. either way 19/20 is still young, she can't even buy alcohol yet. I don't see myself (as) immature as other teens my age, and neither does she. she's not babysitting me, just watching over me because my grandparents would complain if my dad left me alone. she's on birth control and it is legal since we're close in age, so there shouldn't be any issues from us having sex. my dad also approves of us dating. it does feel like a weird dynamic sometimes but she has no bad intentions and it's a consensual relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 On 3/17/2024 at 9:36 PM, cottoncandyboy said: she's (freshly) 20 and I turn 17 soon. either way 19/20 is still young, she can't even buy alcohol yet. I don't see myself (as) immature as other teens my age, and neither does she. I see you trying to play around with the numbers. So it wasn't true what you said before. She's not 19, she's 20. You are 16 and she is 20. That's weird, I'm sorry. A lot of people would say that's highly questionable and inappropriate. Is she not embarassed to tell everyone in her life that at age 20 she has a 16-year-old boyfriend? Would her family and peers think that's normal? Does she keep you a secret? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cottoncandyboy Posted March 19 Author Share Posted March 19 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: I see you trying to play around with the numbers. So it wasn't true what you said before. She's not 19, she's 20. You are 16 and she is 20. That's weird, I'm sorry. A lot of people would say that's highly questionable and inappropriate. Is she not embarassed to tell everyone in her life that at age 20 she has a 16-year-old boyfriend? Would her family and peers think that's normal? Does she keep you a secret? it is true tho, we're not a full 4 years apart. saying 3 years and a few months seemed a little bit nonsensical to me. I don't go to regular school and my dad isn't strict, so how old I am rarely gets brought up. I don't just go around telling people in our life how old I am willy nilly either since its not relevant to most situations. there's no reason for me to be a secret if most people don't know how old I am and it's not affecting them. I guess there will always be people who think that it's weird, but we've been through a lot together and there's a connection between us, so why ignore it just because she got a 3 year head start in life. if we were to date people "our age", they wouldn't have the years of history that comes with our relationship Link to post Share on other sites
SurfCity Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 What does your gf do for work? How does she afford her apartment? How did you meet her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cottoncandyboy Posted March 20 Author Share Posted March 20 she works in sales, which im pretty sure is her main source of income. then she's a small content creator and makes money from videos and sponsorships. she also recently started her own clothing line, but she told me that there's more expenses that to into it than she makes, so im not sure how that's going for her financially ive known her since I was 9 from our families being friends Link to post Share on other sites
SurfCity Posted March 20 Share Posted March 20 Well, you can see that the age difference makes many people feel uncomfortable. People in this thread are trying to help you because 4 years is a huge difference at your ages. But, that's not what you want to hear, and it's going to take you getting older and maturing for you to understand why she's too old for you right now. As far as the arguments that you two have been having, I think that they're just going to get worse and worse. To try to prevent the arguments, you should try to be more considerate of her feelings (invite her to any party that you go to and also plan fun dates just for the two of you. Google free date ideas.) Try to clean up after yourself right away and do your own laundry before it piles up and she has to do it. Try cooking for her every now and then instead of her always cooking dinner for you. If you don't know how to cook, then ask her to show you next time she starts making dinner. You said that you don't ask her to clean up after you, but that she just does it. If you clean up after yourself right away so that there's nothing for her to clean, maybe you two will have fewer arguments. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cottoncandyboy Posted March 20 Author Share Posted March 20 3 hours ago, SurfCity said: Well, you can see that the age difference makes many people feel uncomfortable. People in this thread are trying to help you because 4 years is a huge difference at your ages. But, that's not what you want to hear, and it's going to take you getting older and maturing for you to understand why she's too old for you right now. As far as the arguments that you two have been having, I think that they're just going to get worse and worse. To try to prevent the arguments, you should try to be more considerate of her feelings (invite her to any party that you go to and also plan fun dates just for the two of you. Google free date ideas.) Try to clean up after yourself right away and do your own laundry before it piles up and she has to do it. Try cooking for her every now and then instead of her always cooking dinner for you. If you don't know how to cook, then ask her to show you next time she starts making dinner. You said that you don't ask her to clean up after you, but that she just does it. If you clean up after yourself right away so that there's nothing for her to clean, maybe you two will have fewer arguments. well...while I don't agree, I appreciate it. I did come here to see different views and that's what I got. I probably would've stayed delulu to think that im 100% right otherwise lmao we do argue more when we're inside together 24/7, so ill try to initiate us going out more. I do know how to cook and ive asked her if I can cook multiple times but she tries to change the subject every time. even when she does let me cook, I don't like how she micro manages me the whole time and makes me feel nervous to make a mistake. it just causes more stress on the both of us rather than giving her a break. I think she sees cooking as more of her thing, so I won't try to take it away from her I just found out a few days ago that "you don't have to do it right now" means that if I don't do it within 10 minutes, she'll do it herself with an attitude. so I think this new information will lead to a lot less arguments and annoyance on her side. ill continue to try to clean up as soon as possible and hope that it brings us both more peace. thank you for the advice, im sure it'll make this situation less difficult Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 20 Share Posted March 20 Your father put her in charge of babysitting, you're a minor so you'll have to follow the rules. Link to post Share on other sites
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