RZA-Man Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 It's my b-day today and I'm wondering if my ex will contact me. Some quick background. After 8 months of dating she dumped me almost 4 weeks ago and we've only talked once (I stupidly broke NC after 19 strong days and called her; she has made NO effort to contact me since the break up). To be honest I don't think she will contact me, so I'm not getting my hopes up. However, I will be pretty pissed off. For her b-day I treated her like a princess. I'd like to think that if our relationship meant ANYTHING she would at least give me call. In the likely event she does not call, I'm thinking of sending her an e-mail. The substance of the e-mail will detail my anger at the way treated me during the break up. Basically, I'm really pissed off that she dumped me abruptly, broke the news to me OVER THE PHONE (after starting off the conversation normally I might add), not giving me a chance to solve the problems in our relationship, and the fact she's made no effort to contact me since the breakup. I know sending the e-mail will again break NC, but I figure it'll be a final word thing. It'll give me the chance to get this anger off my chest, let her know how pissed I am, and finally close the door on any future relationship with her. The e-mail will be my way of moving on. What do you guys think? Thanks in advance!
omegaRED Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 Well happy birthday RZA-Man!!!! Wish you all the best. Don`t expect a call. You won`t get one. So just enjoy your b-day with the people who love and care about you. Don`t spend a second thinking why she could or should call. The relationship rules don`t apply anymore. And really, it`s gonna suck if you spend YOUR evening thinking about whether someone will call or not. Or why... Enjoy YOUR day. May all your wishes come true (but be careful what you wsih for LOL). 2
In Sync Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 It's my b-day today and I'm wondering if my ex will contact me. Some quick background. After 8 months of dating she dumped me almost 4 weeks ago and we've only talked once (I stupidly broke NC after 19 strong days and called her; she has made NO effort to contact me since the break up). To be honest I don't think she will contact me, so I'm not getting my hopes up. However, I will be pretty pissed off. For her b-day I treated her like a princess. I'd like to think that if our relationship meant ANYTHING she would at least give me call. In the likely event she does not call, I'm thinking of sending her an e-mail. The substance of the e-mail will detail my anger at the way treated me during the break up. Basically, I'm really pissed off that she dumped me abruptly, broke the news to me OVER THE PHONE (after starting off the conversation normally I might add), not giving me a chance to solve the problems in our relationship, and the fact she's made no effort to contact me since the breakup. I know sending the e-mail will again break NC, but I figure it'll be a final word thing. It'll give me the chance to get this anger off my chest, let her know how pissed I am, and finally close the door on any future relationship with her. The e-mail will be my way of moving on. What do you guys think? Thanks in advance! My relationship and breakup with the N who dumped me was absolutely a painful experience, but throughout it all, I never resorted to just spewing out angrily at him, maybe I should have but I'm glad I didn't. Only because I'm glad there was a certain dignity I remained for myself. You should write out what you feel in a journal or letter but DON'T send it. Also, by sending it will you'll be waiting for a response and that's breaking NC and trying to recover all over again. YOU won't feel better. I think.
magda Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 Happy Birthday. Don't email her... you'll regret it, I promise. You treated her like a princess because it was her birthday while you were together, right? Were you thinking, "and for every nice thing i do you better get me back, beatch!"? Hopefullly, you weren't thinking that. Just let it go... it's not worth it. She's not worth your time. It's pointless.
heartnsoul Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 Were you thinking, "and for every nice thing i do you better get me back, beatch!"? Hopefullly, you weren't thinking that. :lmao: I agree. Don't SEND anything her way. It will most definitely lead to more disappointment and hurt. I hope you can find friends/family to enjoy YOUR SPECIAL day with Happy Birthday!!
Art_Critic Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 There really isn't anything I can add other than to say that everyone has given great advice.. Hope you have a Wonderful Birthday
ohzee Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 I too had a devastating break up right before Thanksgiving this year. She asked if we could remain friends….I declined…to me it’s all or nothing. I collected my things from her place that evening and went on strict NC since then. December 10th was my birthday I was woken up by the ring on my cell phone … (Text message) ….generic birthday wish from her….nothing sweet or romantic. I replied with “Thanks”, that was it. December 16th, was her birthday, I text messaged her the obligatory, “Happy Birthday”, she replied “Thank You!”…..Honestly, I feel like I needed more conversation from her. I should have stuck to NC no matter what. Even if you do get a greeting, you still feel like sh*t because that’s all you got from someone you loved….it will never be enough. Good luck and Happy Birthday to you!
Craig Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 RZA, write the email but don't send it. It's over and done, it's time to start healing and moving on. Everybody hurts after a breakup, it sucks but it gets better with time. Focus on yourself not what's wrong about your ex. Best of luck and happy birthday.
slubberdegullion Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 All the best for your birthday, RZA. And keep NC; the healing is a process, not a destination.
Author RZA-Man Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 Well she never called me. It sucks because you'd think that if she cared for me at all she would at least do that. I guess it shows the type of person she is. The lesson I can learn from all this is that one should focus on those who care for him/her and not some person who is callous and doesn't care for you. I'm thankful for all my friends and family for making me feel good on my birthday. It's nice to know there are people in my life who care for me. I also want to thank all of you who posted replies. I treasure your sage advice and appreciate the birthday wishes. You guys are the best!
teethbrushes Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 i wouldn't take it as she doesn't care about you...she probably just doesn't know what to say. If I were in her shoes I'd probably think about you but I don't think I'd say anything. What do you say? "Hi, I dumped you, but I hope you're having a good birthday"? I ASKED my ex to stop calling me and he did out of respect. He didn't contact me on my birthday and why would he? I had asked him to leave me alone. Besides, you hadn't talked to her either... I just don't think its as black and white. It doesn't mean she wants you back, it just means she doesn't not care about you.
Author RZA-Man Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 You make a good point teethbrushes, but I would have at least appreciated a quick "happy b-day" call. There has been some conatct between us. I called her a week or so ago. The conversation was actually good and neither of us talked about the relationship, but I actually regret doing that. The reason being that I broke NC and as the dumpee I believe it's up to dumper to extend the olive branch. She may have very well been thinking of me and didn't want there to be an awkward exchange, but seriously that's still pretty lame at best and callous at worst. I don't want her back, but some thoughtfulness would have been nice.
teethbrushes Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 true. I thought it was pretty rude of my ex not to say anything on my b-day either and people told me it was because he must not care...but talking to him later, I know that's not true. The dumper may NEVER extend the olive branch. When I got dumped my ex did at first and then I said some pretty nasty things to him, so he left me alone. I guess after being told the things I said to him, you wouldn't really KNOW what to say....
Author RZA-Man Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 The relationship ended in a way I didn't appreciate (i.e. abruptly and over the phone) so I can't really give my ex the benefit of the doubt since she doesn't deserve it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not disputing her decison just how it went down. To my credit I haven't said anything nasty to her. I've scrapped the idea of sending her the angry e-mail. She deserves it, but I want to take the high road. As far as the dumper NEVER extending the olive branch, that will probably be the case in my situation. But I don't care, I don't want her back. The onus is on her to extend the branch and if she doesn't do it, I can live with that.
patwheel Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 First off, happy birthday! I was in the same boat as you. Ex dumped me a week before mine, and on my bday, I was waiting, and waiting, for nothing, no call, no nothing. And to this day, nothing. But on the other hand, don't give her the satisfaction of looking weak and bend over for her! Birthday is not actually a big deal for me, but the fact that is it not acknowledged is just hurtful, and I totally feel you. I actually went a little nuts, just lashing out at my mom (for other reasons), friends, and at the end just ended up going to a bar trashed. A month and a half after, I can tell you I am embarassed at the way I was acting. To tell you, I thought of all the ways that I could get her back and at the same time have a back up plan as to say her flaws. Basically, I was screaming at the whole wide world on how can she do this to me. Blah blah blah This was a wake up call for me, as I hope it is for you also. Don't budge. Go out with your buds, have some fun, but the most important thing is dont contact her, and get your pride and self esteem back!
Author RZA-Man Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 Thanks bro! I received b-day wishes from friends and family. Let me tell you, it felt great! I'm starting to realize that I shouldn't be occupied with people who don't care about me (i.e. my ex) and concentrate on people who are important.
porsche_2005 Posted December 21, 2005 Posted December 21, 2005 My friend, Life can be very strange at times. She didn't call you because she is NOT a thoughtful or rather, a nice person at heart. Why would you want to be with such a woman?. The guy I dated for 2 months broke off with me right before my b'day. I was expecting a call but never got one. I got dumped very abruptly over an email (one liner) and didnt even get an explaination. Sometimes you wonder why it happens. But remember it is her loss and not yours. One day in some path of her life she will remember you and all the good things you did for her. There are many mean ppl out there. When she will meet one of them she will remember your goodness. It always happens. And that day you will be long gone. You will be happy with someone special. Belated happy b'day!!
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