chocolate_boy Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 I suppose true love lasts forever... I have a little story to tell. You may know my situation, split with my recent ex in Sept, when it happened I was away from home (we were on vacation) and something possessed me to send an sms message to an ex from long-ago, we split around 3.5 years ago and hadn't really kept in touch much (except xmas card and birthday cards each year), she was the one I loved more than anyone really, my first real love and I still think the only girl I have ever been properly in-love with, we were engaged etc. However she got with a guy shortly after we split in 2002 and was with him since, lived together, were due to get married, but bizarrely when I sms her, turns out her and him had finally split for good the same day (!!) Since then we became really good friends again, I ended up spending about $400 on my mobile phone last month, pretty much chatting to her all night most nights, it felt great, like I'd got one of my oldest friends back (cos we were friends for years before our relationship), and she always knew me like no one else did. She came to stay with me for a weekend in October, our respective break-ups were still fresh, and it was great to have a "break-up buddy" we could just bitch to each other, and again we have been talking every day for last three months. She lives about 100 miles away from me now, cos I left that city when our relationship went sour and started a new life a few years ago. So you know what's coming... She's just started dating again this week, went out with two guys, one she hated and the other she is really taken with, and can't stop thinking about him. I had a weekend off, so I went to stay with her this weekend, and dunno what it was.. but we were in her apartment, and watched a few xmas movies last night, got bit drunk, and she just lay on me and i put her arms around her... which was nice.. we slept in same bed last night, and held each other... I'm all cool with that, I have another female friend I can do that with and there is absolutely nothing in it (and we dated once upon a time too, albeit only for a few months). However, I drove home this morning, and I cannot stop thinking about her... I really do not want to get feelings back for her, I thought they went long ago, however I care about her like one of my family. Thing is her family are really excited since we've been talking again, she was telling me her dad was telling her I'm her soul-mate, and we just had a laugh about it... I feel like I may be playing with fire... I do love her, I always have and I know I always will.. and part of me feels like the reason the three relationships I've had since her have all failed, it cos nothing has lived up to her in my heart. I seriously have been "over her" romantically for a long time, it's nothing major at the moment, but it feels like the fire might have been started in my heart again, and that feels very dangerous to me. There's no way we could be together now, we live different lives, long-distance would never work, and we hurt each other so much when our relationship ended all those years ago, I do know there's nothing her and my family would like more though, apparently even her sister and her mum have a real soft-spot for me and still ask about me lots. Plus she's just started dating a new guy. I am ok, I'm not looking for advice really, just wanted to let people know.. as this just has really taken me by surprise. I guess you never do get over a true love. 1
Clone56 Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 In my opinion, true love never dies. My ex destroyed my life causing me to file bankruptcy and all sorts of stuff. However I still love her like we were always together. Be careful is all i can say. Good luck and u never know
ashley83 Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 I think true love never dies until you go NC for a while, and of course meeting them again can excite those feelings.
Author chocolate_boy Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 Yeah I mean we were NC for about 2 years at least, we've only been back in touch since September, but I've only started to feel something again last couple of days... nothing major I'm not upset or pining for her constantly, can just sort of feel it again in my heart a bit.. it is very wierd though. Don't get me wrong, I'm not upset or anything. She wasn't my first girlfriend, but was my longest and most serious relationship, and we both agree we were each other's best and happiest relationship. I ended it cos I needed to start my career... I chose my career over her, which at the time she was devistated for, but afterwards understood me. Bit sad too, cos we always said we would probably end up marrying each other one day lol, all our friends reckon we will be together again one day... maybe that will be the case, but that time certainly isn't yet. Thing is, if I'm honest I have never 100% gotten over her, even though I've had three girlfriends since, this isn't any reverting feeling I don't think, I just feel she is probably the only person I have ever truly loved, and fact that 3 years after we split, I still feel something does suggest to me how strong love can be. Thing is I'm happy for her to be with this new guy she's just started dating, if that's what she wants, so long as she's happy and he treats her right that's great. Her recent ex (who she got with after me) treated her like dirt, and to see her happy is so nice. She thinks she wants some time on her own, or just to casually date people, which is good advice (prob too soon to start new relationships). I'm taking some time out, I have no interest in a relationship at the moment. I would never say anything to her though. It is kind of cute in a way I suppose. Or maybe it was just me and her snuggling up watching xmas movies by the light of her christmas tree that brought out the old romantic in me haha. I know there could be danger involved, and I care about her far too much to ever use her as a rebound, I won't say or act on anything at all, scouts honour!
Author chocolate_boy Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 One advantage, it's made me forget 100% about me recent ex lol.
bendit Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 work on yourself. work on your neediness. regards
Author chocolate_boy Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 Oh I am, what suggests to you that I'm "needy"?
pippen_2k Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 Your probably not needy, but I was kinda thinking the same thing after reading your post.. Cause im sure you were crushed only like a month ago with your recent ex... Just seems very quick to be jumpin ship. But hey.... Half your luck if your getting some booty call!
bendit Posted December 21, 2005 Posted December 21, 2005 Oh I am, what suggests to you that I'm "needy"? "and something possessed me to send an sms message to an ex from long-ago, we split around 3.5 years ago and hadn't really kept in touch much (except xmas card and birthday cards each year), she was the one I loved more than anyone really, my first real love and I still think the only girl I have ever been properly in-love with, we were engaged etc." you needed validation..don't worry its common...but the whole scenario smacks of neediness. the $400 phone bill...etc. work on yourself until you DON"T NEED A WOMAN (and this may take three years) and guess what....you will have a great one fall right into your lap. and you will keep her too. regards
Author chocolate_boy Posted December 21, 2005 Author Posted December 21, 2005 "and something possessed me to send an sms message to an ex from long-ago, we split around 3.5 years ago and hadn't really kept in touch much (except xmas card and birthday cards each year), she was the one I loved more than anyone really, my first real love and I still think the only girl I have ever been properly in-love with, we were engaged etc." you needed validation..don't worry its common...but the whole scenario smacks of neediness. the $400 phone bill...etc. work on yourself until you DON"T NEED A WOMAN (and this may take three years) and guess what....you will have a great one fall right into your lap. and you will keep her too. regards To be honest, I think the reason I txted this ex when I was down is because if I'm honest I have always held a special place for her in my heart and thought she was the one person that would understand, as it turns out she was going through exactly the same thing as I (her and her recent partner split on the same day!). The $400 phone bill was mainly me and her talking into the night about how much our recent ex's suck and what was going on... but just after I split with my recent ex I was talking non-stop about her to anyone, just this girl would listen to me for longer lol.. I have been working on myself for years, I was single for long time before my recent ex, in-fact she was my first serious relationship in about 2 years. I used that time to start a new life in a new city, got my career to the point it is now, bought a house etc. So I'm no stranger to it. And she "just fell into my lap" I wasn't looking, turned out she didn't stay, and it seemed like a bit of a waste of 9 months in the end... I'm not really a believer in "it will always happen".
Author chocolate_boy Posted December 21, 2005 Author Posted December 21, 2005 Your probably not needy, but I was kinda thinking the same thing after reading your post.. Cause im sure you were crushed only like a month ago with your recent ex... Just seems very quick to be jumpin ship. But hey.... Half your luck if your getting some booty call! Thing is while I was with my recent ex, I still thought about my ex from long ago a lot y'know... maybe I didn't want to admit it, but it's always been there with me for years... Thing is it only vanished when I was crushed by my recent ex, but I've all but forgotten about her now, and this seems to be back again.. I think I've accepted the fact I probably always will love this girl in some way. Probably more painting history better than it was, when her and I were together it was a great time of life, at uni etc. I have very fond memories of that era, and I've not had a relationship as happy as mine and hers was since. Don't get me wrong, I'm not having trouble dealing with this, it;'s not an uncontrollable pain or anything, I'd got very used to living with this feeling and have for almost 4 years now, but I've always missed her somewhat. It's great to have her back in my life now, but as I said, we could not work now, and I'd never tell her I still had any feelings, plus I was the one that ended our relationship in 2002, she didn't hurt me, I was the dumper. I'm not using her as a booty-call either, I care for her far to much to ever do that, we're just really close friends now. But she lives a good 90 mins away from me these days.
pippen_2k Posted December 21, 2005 Posted December 21, 2005 "They" say we never forget our 1st love, and it sounds as tho she may have been yours..... I know where ur commin from tho when u said she was always in the back of your mind for years..... The pain and constant grief is well past, but the memories remain. Sometimes I wish I could be a robot and block these old memories and thoughts out... GL CB
Kristi loves Brandon Posted December 21, 2005 Posted December 21, 2005 My ex and I have been broken up for almost a month. I still can't get over it. I still love him I don't know if he still loves me but we see each other and he still flirts with me and claims he still likes me. Anyway I asked him back out adn he rejected me. Why though? We only broke-up because he was having problems with his family. Now the problems are long gone and he kept on telling me and giving me signs that he still likes me. But why did he reject me? I'm just so heart broken, I cry almost every night and sometimes I feel suicidel. I know its stupid but I was in such deep love with him.
Extra Truth Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 I have been working on myself for years, I was single for long time before my recent ex, in-fact she was my first serious relationship in about 2 years. I used that time to start a new life in a new city, got my career to the point it is now, bought a house etc. So I'm no stranger to it. And she "just fell into my lap" I wasn't looking, turned out she didn't stay, and it seemed like a bit of a waste of 9 months in the end... I'm not really a believer in "it will always happen". Frankly, I don't understand why you wouldn't go for it. You are being given such a rare chance and if you have those feelings, why not? My relationships of 3.5 years just ended and I am absolutely devastated. She is my true love, even though she is causing me an enormous amount of pain right now, and I feel I may never get over her as having been the one true love that got away. I am hoping for a chance like yours, although I fear the issue you brought up of how we would deal with the painful nature of our split, and for me personally, her sexual habits while she is alone now; nonetheless, if I had your chance and felt as you, I would feel blessed that fate has landed you two together again. Don't let it pass by! J in LA
Extra Truth Posted December 25, 2005 Posted December 25, 2005 PS a 90 minute drive is nothing for someone you love. I mean, come one, you would give up love because of mileage. You seem otherwise together, but on this point I don't think your priorities are on.
Author chocolate_boy Posted December 26, 2005 Author Posted December 26, 2005 To be honest i don't think saying anything would be a wise thing to do. I don't think she would want to get into anything with me again after all these years, especially since it would be very difficult for us to see each other unless one of us moved. Also she has just got out of 3 year relationship in September, and has just started to move on and has started dating another guy she really likes. As romantic as it would be I don't think it's realistic, and I wouldn't want to risk what is now a really special friendship by saying anything. I don't think I'm being over-cautious, just realistic. Maybe one day, but now isn't the right time or place.
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