MovingOnAgain Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 My ex boyfriend and I broke up about 6 months ago. This was not a mutural breakup, and he did not want it at all. When we broke up, I accepted a position in another city, and (for both our sakes) initiated no contact. We did not speak at all for about five months. I have discussed him with a mutural friend, who tells me that he was very upset, depressed etc. However, it seems like he is moving on again with his life. Amongst the reasons for breaking up (not the sole reason, however in retrospect this probably brought up many other unresolved issues) was because I had developed feeling for a friend of mine. We both shared these feelings. My ex unfortunately found out about these feelings, and was understandably upset. I moved to another city, and was not in regular contact with my friend. I needed time to heal from the end of my relationship. However, the past month we have spoken and we have agreed we would like to try something when we I return to our home city. The problem is that I know my ex is going to be extremely hurt by the two of us 'getting together'. He has suffered through the break up and it worries me to think, just when things are getting better, all that hurt and pain return. I have three options; 1. Date my friend and not tell my ex. I would eventually tell him, however prehaps in a year or so. Naturally this has its downfalls, and one is that I do not really want to have to 'hide' my new relationship. 2. Be upfront with my ex and tell him that I am dating my friend. I am very worried about how this will affect my boyfriend. 3. Not date my friend. Obviously this would be the easiest option for my boyfriend. It would avoid a lot of the heartache. I am not sure this is an option that I would be able to stick to. Unfortunately it is impossible to maintain complete no contact once I arrive back home. we have a house that will be getting sold and financials to sort out. I might add that my ex suffered very badly from depression in the past. I do worry that this may set him over the edge. I suppose it is my ultimate betrayal, as I made the mistake of telling him when I left that it was not for the other guy, and I really did not think I would ever date him. Does anyone have any advice?
monkeybars Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 You two are broken up, have no contact..it's really none of his business what is going on with your relationship life. Who knows, maybe he is over you, and won't even ask about your personal life when you see him. if he does ask, I would just respond that I didn't feel comfortable talking about it with him and drop the subject. Date who you want, you're not doing anything wrong.
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