bebegal Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 I have been with this guy(we are officially boyfriend/girlfriend) I am 25 he is 26. He told me has had sex with 2 other girls( he was in two long relationships over 1 year long). We sleep in the same bed together 4 days a wk, we cuddle and kiss before sleeping. I am super close with his family and freinds. BUT we are not having sex. If I inititate it, he will make a nervous laugh and be like..tonight?? and it never happens.. he is to tired,, he can not have sex on command.. and he told me that he made his other girlfriends wait as well. He keeps putting it that I feel it will never happen. He is just not into it I feel..though when I ask him he says he is. I have never met a guy not interested in sex. I know he gets hard b/c I have seen it many times, and if I start to go down.. there.. he will as well however he stops things b4 they go anywhere. He also says he despises strip clubs. He willl put it off like he is stressed now, maybe next wk. He never does anything to me except giving me a kiss. He acts nervous if I talk about sex and why we arent having it then changes the subject quickly. I have tried getting him drunk, wearing sexy clothes etc. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY AND WHAT CAN I DO. HEalso says he does not want it to be planned..but if I try to initiate it, he stops it and says he is tired. and he has told me before that we have been together long enough that it is ok for us to now have sex but NOTHING happens. I wonder if he is a virgin, or nervous.. or what. Normally I have sex within the first month and it is b/c of me that it takes that long. WHy can I not intice him with sexy clothing..etc. HELP I AM GOING CRAZY
LN8840K Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 1. could be gay 2. could have STD's 3. could have erectial dysfunction 4. could have been told he sucks in bed 5. could be a bullsh*t post because I can think of no other reasons
Gold Pile Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 1. could be gay 2. could have STD's 3. could have erectial dysfunction 4. could have been told he sucks in bed 5. could be a bullsh*t post because I can think of no other reasons I agree with LN. Ask for names of paqst GF's. He won't produce contactable names. He wants you to be deeply in love with him B4 he lets his secret out. Tell him sex is an important part of relationships to most everyone (including you) so you need to see how that portion goes B4 you get further involved. Challenge him....do you have E.D.?...."no"....prove it.
Author bebegal Posted December 19, 2005 Author Posted December 19, 2005 thanks for the replies--he does not have E.D b/c he gets hard often and easily--I have given him a B.J before and he finished in 5 minutes about. See you are all as confused as I am... I never heard of a guy waiting as well... what else can I do.... I am crazy about him and do not want to pressure him or break up wiht him over this and I also do not want to MAKE him or throw myself on him as I will look slutty after apparently he is not. I think he is clean and does not have any std's as he let me go down on him before..he also has never gone down on me either --so I stopped on him 1
ms_jnj Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 1. could be gay Unfortunately I have to agree with this. I have been there and done that....and it was strikingly similar to your description. Could be he wants someone to take home to the family, and isn't ready to come out of the closet. Most guys will get hard if anything goes near "down there." ...could be something else I suppose, but like I said, I've pretty much lived your description and it was the gay issue. Talk to him soon....save your self some heartache in any case.
Clone56 Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 Dudes gay sry. If he had a STD he wouldnt of let u go down on him. Only other thing is he 1-1000000 guys in the world that wants to wait but i highly doubt that
unimoko Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 Hey, Its not too out of this world to think that maybe he wants to wait for marriage and he is afraid to tell you that. Have you asked him about his intimacy in his previous relationships? A possible reason?
Author bebegal Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 I honestly think either he has a low sex drive or is nervous about his performance...etc. We have talked about having sex etc before and he gets nervous and says I always wait in relationships. That would be fine if he intitiated anything with me.but he does nothing!! I am seeing him tom.. What can I say to him--he knows I want to have sex. I keep thinking I should bring a condom to his house but I have a feeling in my stomache that if I made him have sex--it would be pity sex.. He just does not seem interested...does anyone know a better way to approach this--we are going to vacation in JAn and he said one maybe we can have sex then...but I think i t was just to shut me up until then.. and on teh vacation he will make another excuse. I want him to know how imp sex is to me and that I am worried that he is not attracted to me(though he always tells me I am gorgeus) and have the best body etc. Honestly--ARE ANY OF YOU MEN LIKE THIS BUT NO GAY??!!
Author bebegal Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 Sorry--but I am going crazy---I do not think he is gay--so what if he is nervous or scared--WHAT AM I TO DO!!! I MEAN 4 MONTHS
Art_Critic Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 Sorry--but I am going crazy---I do not think he is gay--so what if he is nervous or scared--WHAT AM I TO DO!!! I MEAN 4 MONTHS You have other problems than sex..you need to talk to him about it. 4 months means that he is distancing himself from you .. My guess is that he is getting somewhere else.. Sorry Talk to him.. bring the issue to the forefront
Walk Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 Can you type your posts with all the words in it? And with out the abbreviated spelling? Treat me like I'm 4, so I understsand everything you're saying. Four months and you still haven't been able to get an adequate response from him? Sit him down and make him talk to you. If he changes the subject, bring it back to focus. If he gets nervous, ask him what is making him nervous about discussing it. For your safety, health and mental, you need to address this with him. Don't let him off the hook in talking to you about it. Let him know that you aren't going to judge him for anything he says, that you accept and love him for who he is, but that you are confused and really need some answers. I think if you're having problems discussing sex, then you're going to have problems in discussing anything in the relationship. The two of you need to work on your communication. Big time, and pronto. Don't throw yourself at him for sex, it'll make you feel worse then you do now. I think you need to break through whatever wall he's placed between the two of you. But you'll have to do this through communication. Blunt force doesn't work, and that's what you'd be doing if you "made" him have sex with you. Talk to him, ask him questions, listen to what he's saying both verbal and non-verbal. Don't let him squirm away from the topic. Keep it focused and on track. Reassure him that he's safe in discussing things with you, even if it may hurt you. That you love him, and accept him, and want to be with him. But you really need to get him to open up to you. 4 months and the two of you still can't even discuss sex. If you can't talk about it, then you definitely shouldn't be having it.
kanga Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 OK, i could be misremembering his posts, but I think Alpha has some rule about waiting three to six months before sleeping with a girl. Alpha? You there? True? I don't think it's too problematic that it's only been four months. But I think it's a problem that he's not giving a straight-forward answer when you talk about it. It's obviously an important thing for you and you want to know why. He shouldn't keep you guessing.
lexilas Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 Interesting story because I'd dealt with something similar. My boyfriend who is a long distance boyfriend now but when he was here we didn't have sex very often (once a week). Sometimes I'd try to entice him with sexy clothes or intimate touches and he would outright reject me. I even got mad a couple of times and indicated that I must not turn him on - he said that wasn't the case but gave no further explanation. We took a couple of vacations to New York and even when there we didn't have sex. I got to the point that I stopped trying to initiate it because it was too hard on my ego. He moved to Florida in October but up to that point I never found out what the problem was - I'm still confused. I know this doesn't give you any answers but I just wanted to let you know that there's at least one other guy out there that has a low libido.
Juntao Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 i think i can help you. Some guys are conservative and dont see sex as the only thing in a relationship. I know some guys like that. Some of my friends been with girls for over a year and havent had sex. On the other hand they are asian couples and they are rather conservative. I think some just see that sex is best when you save urself for the one perosn. But most guys prolly jsut like to have sex with anything.
orangele Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 O.K. here is an answer from a male who has behaved very similarly to the BF. Further let me state that I am not gay, do not have ED, and do not have an STD. On my two previous GF's ( the one before that I was attracted to and we had sex frequently up until the end) I initially found them attractive and we went at it frequently. With time however, the attraction wore off, they gained weight, other conflicts arise which do not help but are not the primary factor. For me quite frankly, the primary thing was that they both gained weight to the point where I simply was no longer attracted to them. Further, no matter how many times they would ask if I was still attracted to them I would always say yes because I still cared for them and did not want to hurt their feelings. At the same time I did mention frequently that they could be so much more attractive if they lost weight, but they never acted on this. To this day, I never told them that I was no longer attracted to them. What is the point.
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