Dying alone

[Chibaby]

I need help. My fiance who I've been with for 4 years just got 'cold feet' and broke it off...it's been so hard. The day before our 4 year anniversary, 2 months after he proposed, a week before our ski trip, during a time when my family was in town and during the holiday season, he just freaked out and said we couldn't be together anymore. I am so messed up. He put so much time, money and effort into proposing...think dolphins, hawaii, custom made ring, etc, so this makes me really confused. I don't think this was his last ditch effort to make things work, I thought we were really happy. After he proposed, I noticed he became increasingly unhappy, and things just seemed to go downhill. We were planning on moving in together in a month, and I don't know what to do anymore. He has some personal issues, family, his past, and anxiety and depression issues that I asked him to go get help for but he didn't. We didn't speak for a week or two, I gave him his space, and he called me crying wanting to get back together. He wanted to go to a Christmas Party first before we got together to talk, but I stood my ground and told him if his social life was more of a priority then to forget it. So he put us first. He wanted us to write down everything so we could sort through things. I went and met him this weekend, I wrote down 3 pages of issues, and gathered information on mental health care resources he could use, and when I got there, he did nothing. He said he didn't have time to write anything down, and it made me feel bad because I MADE the time. We talked things through and we decided we could work things out and give it another chance. I was so thankful and grateful that we were going to work out and beat the odds Then the next morning, I could tell by looking into his eyes he wasn't ready. We talked some more, and I told him that this was his one opportunity to work things out with me, it's all or nothing, and he let me go for the 2nd time. I am so hurt, because I love him, and I want to beleive in him but he really hurt me, and I don't think I should look back. He told me that he wants me to wait for him to get better, but I think that's very selfish of him. It was also selfish of him to get me over to his house under the false pretenses of getting back together, when all he wanted to do was see me and he didn't really want that. I know I should just move on, but it's hard, because he tells me things like, "I need to fix myself first" yet he's made no effort, and "our paths will meet again"... I've been contemplating a move to Hawaii to be with my family, but if I go, I am afraid that I will lose my chance completely, if I stay, it's so hard to live in the same town knowing he's out there and I could run into him. He told me where ever I am he will come find me, that he will drop everything for me, and we will meet again, and our paths are meant to cross. I gave him back the ring, and told hiim next time he comes, to not forget to bring the ring, but he has to mean it. He told me that ring wasn't meant for anybody's finger but mine, and that he wants me to wear it. To further complicate things, one of his good friends called me this morning, and told me not to consider it over. He said, that he loves me more than anything, he needs to work things though alone, but he wants me to be his wife and he still considers me his fiance. He also said he knows that I have a one way ticket to Hawaii, and he knows he needs to get me back before I leave. I don't get it. I want to wait for him, and that gives me hope, but who knows. If he's this selfish now, and not willing to get help and work things out, why should I wait for him. I don't even know if all his romantic talk about coming to find me is true. I don't think he really knows what he wants. I know I should just move on, but I have faith that it will work out, despite the odds. I want to wait for him, but I'm beginning to think it's too late, and I should consider it over and move on. I need some advice, I don't want to die alone....

[riobikini]

One question...you've been together for so long...why is it that his issues with depression (as well as his other issues) have not been addressed and professional help sought until now?

[blue5000]

Another question -- what do you want? From your post, I really can't tell. One thing to keep in mind, you can always buy another plane ticket back. It sounds like your finance needs some time to sort things out and the best thing you can do right now is give him some space. It's obvious that he cares for you. I would go to Hawaii, but remain in contact with him. Right now, try and make decisions based on what you want, not how your decision may or may not affect him.

[Rebellious]

Lots of drama here.

[Chibaby]

I'm not sure what I really want. I know I want him back, but that's the only thing I'm sure of. But I want to be happy, and I don't know if I'm being strung along. It is a lot of drama, and it sucks. I have just been doing my own thing, and I have a great support system. I think the depression issues began because he told his family that he was going to propose and he was really excited about it. The response he got was 1. his mom- a blank stare and anger that we were moving out of state 2. His brother- why would you do something stupid like that? 3. His other brother- hey it's your life man, learn from your own mistakes....He cried for days over this. As you can see, he doesn't have a good support system at home, that and the fact that his dad left him at an early age and was abusive....I'm having the feeling that it all caught up to him now with those reactions, and he's been supressing it. Thus, the two months after he proposed he's been having issues due to all of this. This is only a guess, but I suppose he is the only one that knows. I just want to know if I should just keep moving forward, or hold on to that hope. Like they say, hope can be a life vest, or an anchor, and I'm not sure which one it is right now....