sick of it Posted December 18, 2005 Posted December 18, 2005 So its pretty bad today. I keep getting flooding with memories of her and her family and my family. I keep thinking of our christmas's. everything we ever did togetehr and how happy i was. i keep thinking of her spending this christmas with her new guy. our last 6 months in the relationship didnt go well. i thought for different reasons than she. i thought it was because of senior year stresses and being at different schools. apparently, she just stopped liking me (so she says). i keep wondering how you move on and start a relationship with someone else so freely the way she did after 5.5 years. i havent been able to. i keep praying for her to just miss me. just tell me. to call and say i was thinking of <insert memory>. but shes with someone else. shes making new memories. im not her only one anymore. i hear about all my friends going to x-mas parties with their SO's. going shopping with their SO's. spending their time with their SO's. i want that. but i dont like anyone. i love one person still. months later. its sad. its sick. and i do everything i can to get over her. but it doesnt work. i write the bad things, i do NC, i bury myself in work, i try to see my friends in a different state....nothing helps. im waiting, im always waiting for a second chance...something i didnt get. which i dont understand how you dont give a serious relationship like that one. i want the honeymoon to be over and to think about me. ive resorted to being the back-up guy without telling her so. ive accepted it. ive accepted shes with someone else and if it doesnt work out, i want her back. ive changed the things she didnt like. ive changed them months ago and she didnt want to see it. i couldnt show anyone else because i moved to where she was...away from everyone i know. i hate the fact that im the way she wants me to be and now wont look at me. shes angry, shes resentful. thats why i cant let go. i know we would be great if she just gave me a chance. what do i do. ive doing NC. i cant get her out of my head. i honest to god love her and miss her. its not the sex. its not the physicality. its her.
In Sync Posted December 18, 2005 Posted December 18, 2005 So its pretty bad today. I keep getting flooding with memories of her and her family and my family. I keep thinking of our christmas's. everything we ever did togetehr and how happy i was. i keep thinking of her spending this christmas with her new guy. our last 6 months in the relationship didnt go well. i thought for different reasons than she. i thought it was because of senior year stresses and being at different schools. apparently, she just stopped liking me (so she says). i keep wondering how you move on and start a relationship with someone else so freely the way she did after 5.5 years. i havent been able to. i keep praying for her to just miss me. just tell me. to call and say i was thinking of <insert memory>. but shes with someone else. shes making new memories. im not her only one anymore. i hear about all my friends going to x-mas parties with their SO's. going shopping with their SO's. spending their time with their SO's. i want that. but i dont like anyone. i love one person still. months later. its sad. its sick. and i do everything i can to get over her. but it doesnt work. i write the bad things, i do NC, i bury myself in work, i try to see my friends in a different state....nothing helps. im waiting, im always waiting for a second chance...something i didnt get. which i dont understand how you dont give a serious relationship like that one. i want the honeymoon to be over and to think about me. ive resorted to being the back-up guy without telling her so. ive accepted it. ive accepted shes with someone else and if it doesnt work out, i want her back. ive changed the things she didnt like. ive changed them months ago and she didnt want to see it. i couldnt show anyone else because i moved to where she was...away from everyone i know. i hate the fact that im the way she wants me to be and now wont look at me. shes angry, shes resentful. thats why i cant let go. i know we would be great if she just gave me a chance. what do i do. ive doing NC. i cant get her out of my head. i honest to god love her and miss her. its not the sex. its not the physicality. its her. If I could wipe away your pain I would. I wish there were some magic wand to make all the hurt you are going through disappear..only it doesn't happen that way in life. Some of will never understand what happened to the other and why they stopped liking us, some of us will eventually see that the person we really worshipped and exposed our hearts out to weren't meant to be in our lives. It's hard to be cheerful and celebrate other couples togetherness but lately for myself when I do see a couple I make myself smile even if only for few seconds because one day it will happen for me again. And if I can't share in their happiness the universe won't return the favor. It is beautiful that you still hold love in your heart for her, but allow yourself to begin thinking she may have not been the one for you. If you wait for her and close your heart off to another you could be letting a gem of a girl go beneathe your very nose while waiting for pewter.
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