Beatnik Posted December 17, 2005 Posted December 17, 2005 Me and my girlfriend of 6 months have been doing great, we never fight, we have great sex, we always have fun together, etc. Then all of a sudden she says she's having emotional problems, she was diagnosed with depression and is getting tested for bipolar. she says that she wants to break up to try and figure things out. I dont understand, I love her, she told me she loved me. shes pushing me away to try not to hurt me buts by doing so shes hurting me alot. I miss her so much, she still wants to be friends and hang out and go out, but not a relationship. I'm so pissed off and sad and confused. I know she cares about me and I care about her, so why the hell cant we stay together? I've always be there for her. I dunno, I need advice, she tells me she doesnt know when she'll be ok again, so she doesnt want me to just wait for that day because she doesnt know if its days, weeks, months or even years. I dont care, I love her and I dont want her to just push me away because shes scared. I feel like I'm being abandoned by someone I love, she pretty much acts like its unfortunate but that I'll get over it, half of the time she implies we might get back together, then other times she acts like theres no chance. I wasnt ready for this, it just hit out of the blue.
HeartSprinkles Posted December 18, 2005 Posted December 18, 2005 I know you're just ranting here, but it sounds a bit like you are playing the part of the victim. Your gf needs you to be compartmentalized. She needs to put you aside so that she can take care of herself. She is dealing with something that will affect her for the long term. All you can do is abide by her wishes so that you don't add to the problem. If you love her as much as it sounds like you do, then just be patient. Be the friend that she desires. You hurt now, but if you bug her and make more problems for her, she'll oust you from her life. This will cause resentment. If you two are meant to be, then it will happen... -best wishes
NYCmitch25 Posted December 18, 2005 Posted December 18, 2005 You are conveniently making the relationship sound like it's all "Disney Land" but I think if you took the rose colored glasses off, the obvious facade of pretty fake plastic would probably show a more ugly picture behind it. Her leaving you is a classic symptom of someone how has "bi-polar" or some other anxiety disorder. Someone with these types of problems require years of treatment and SSRIs, along with immense support. Perhaps it has been established that you are an enabler or fasilitating her problems or can't give her that support she needs. Is she seeking therapy? Anyway, I suggest that you try to completely sever the relationship and get over her. Someone else will come along eventually, just give it time. 1
whichwayisup Posted December 18, 2005 Posted December 18, 2005 It's not you, it's her. She has depression and possibly has BPD, that is ALOT to deal with and to tell you the truth, it WILL be a test of your love, the relationship as a whole. It's not easy for the other person to deal with someone who is depressed, let alone BPD. YOU have to be strong, somehow detach at the right times. Are you willing to stay with her, be there for her? Is she seeing a therapist? IF you can be a friend to her, help her when she needs you, that is great...But don't rely on her for much right now. She has SO much to deal with and Beatnik, it's not about you. It's nothing you've done! Stay strong, don't make it about you and just take some time to think things through. She probably feels like she will bring you down and doesn't want to expose you to her problems and emotional rollercoaster ride. Keep posting and venting!
Jl221 Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 Don't go down that road. I speak from experience. My mom has bipolar disorder and my parents were constantly breaking up and getting back together when I was a kid. During her "episodes" she would utterly renounce my dad, then want him back later. This has caused him serious emotional problems because he always took her back, but now she has been living on her own for years ignoring him. You should take this opportunity to not waste years of your life. She might attempt suicide. She might blame you for everything. People with these disorders are usually pretty intense, which can be attractive. But for your sake, I would look at it as she's crazy (I know that's not a pc way to speak about mental illness, but I'm still dealing with resenting my mother).
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