bobbienatte Posted March 16 Share Posted March 16 (edited) I've been friends with a woman for a few years when she met her now-husband. A year after she married, I moved overseas so I only spent a year or two getting to know her husband a little better. Only when going out to events with friends. To me, he was the husband of this friend and that's was it. Never thought anything more than that. Romantically, if he had been single, he was absolutely not my kind of man. Score 0 on the attraction level scale. After YEARS of not having seen either of them, being out of the country, this guy sends me a crazy letter declaring his love to me completely OUT OF THE BLUE! WHAT? Compliments, reminiscing the past, implying that I may have been attracted to him (what in the mother ???). UN-f***ing-REAL. It was not a spam email unfortunately. He is still married and publicly showing his love for his wife. This letter was so weird, it was like reading something from a guy who is going bonkers. I haven't wrote back. A week later, he sends an email, apologizing for his letter. Hoping it wasn't too disturbing for me and wishing me a good life.. because he is married and happy NEVERTHELESS. I am still wondering what in the world is this guy's problem? It was disturbing to say the least, I had to get it out of my chest and discuss it! Thank you for your answers/opinions! 🙂 Edited March 16 by bobbienatte Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 16 Share Posted March 16 Are you still in touch with your friend? Please forward her the email. This isn't your dilemma to resolve. Your friend needs to know what is going on behind her back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobbienatte Posted March 16 Author Share Posted March 16 Thank you for your question! I don't talk to this friend anymore but we have friends in common to which I spilled the tea, warning them to keep an eye on her at all cost. Both friends said it is better to not tell her because she is too "fragile" and she thinks she is living a fairytale with him... They know here way better than I do now. I would prefer to know if someone was playing me like that though. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 16 Share Posted March 16 Sounds like someone who is struggling in his life, and maybe with a touch or flareup of mental illness. Sending you a letter out of the blue--that is nuts. But he gathered his senses and retracted that letter right? I can't tell if you secretly like him or not. I also can't tell if he retracted his letter because you failed to respond or because he just caught himself and got himself back on the rails. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted March 16 Share Posted March 16 Quite bizarre. I guess you have to make the decision on whether to inform your friend, or whether to keep it to yourself. If you've already mentioned it to other friends of hers there's a good chance it'll find it's way back to her eventually and she may initiate contact with you. As you no longer catch up you don't really have a responsibility as 'friend' to deliver the message to her, that probably depends on what sort of friendship and bond you used to have. I think this would make me feel creeped out, some guy you hardly knew, who you haven't seen for ten years, suddenly declaring love kinda suggests he might not be playing with a full deck. Maybe his wife's fragile because she's living with a nutjob? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 16 Share Posted March 16 Just say you're 0% interested and that you're glad he's happy with his wife and that you don't want anything to jeopardize their relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 16 Share Posted March 16 (edited) If you have friends in common to which you spilled the tea that's a good start . At least it's honest. Did you two ever have a thing? . Why do you believe she's "fragile" and living a fairytale? Do you know something she doesn't, such a he is a frequent womanizer? Edited March 16 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted March 16 Share Posted March 16 10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Did you two ever have a thing? Why do you believe she's "fragile" and living a fairytale? The OP and the husband never had a thing. She was not remotely attracted to him, and only thought of him as the husband of her friend. She is no longer friends with that friend but is still in touch with others in the group, and it was those others that said the friend is fragile, not the OP. I would leave it alone OP. Creepy and weird to be sure. It’s not like anything inappropriate ever happened between you two. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 17 Share Posted March 17 (edited) On 3/15/2024 at 7:20 PM, bobbienatte said: After YEARS of not having seen either of them, being out of the country, this guy sends me a crazy letter declaring his love to me completely OUT OF THE BLUE! WHAT? Compliments, reminiscing the past, implying that I may have been attracted to him (what in the mother ???). UN-f***ing-REAL. Indeed. If it seems ridiculous, that’s because it is ridiculous. On 3/15/2024 at 8:16 PM, bobbienatte said: We have friends in common to which I spilled the tea, warning them to keep an eye on her at all cost. Best to spread gossip and ask her friends to keep an eye on the woman - rather than speak with her directly and tell her what happened… right? On 3/15/2024 at 8:16 PM, bobbienatte said: Both friends said it is better to not tell her because she is too "fragile" and she thinks she is living a fairytale with him... If her husband is sending these kids of messages to strange women, you are not doing her any favours by not telling the woman - however well intended you all think you are… Edited March 17 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted March 17 Share Posted March 17 This whole thing sounds like a midday soap opera...........😏 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobbienatte Posted March 17 Author Share Posted March 17 (edited) 48 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Indeed. If it seems ridiculous, that’s because it is ridiculous. Best to spread gossip and ask her friends to keep an eye on the woman - rather than speak with her directly and tell her what happened… right? If her husband is sending these kids of messages to strange women, you are not doing her any favours by not telling the woman - however well intended you all think you are… I might have used the expression "spill the tea" incorrectly, sorry. I just meant that I talked to two of our common friends about it PRECISELY so they can keep close eye on her and see if she is alright. I felt reading the message that the guy was not in a stable condition mentally. The goal was not to gossip at all, I was worried about her, that is why I alerted 2 people that are still somewhat close to her to check on her. I know nothing of this old friend's life at the moment. Maybe she already knows he had a crush on me. I do not feel comfortable forwarding her the email out of the blue, it is too intense. I don't even have her contacts to be honest. The more I discuss it with friends that don't know him, the more it seems like the guy is having or had a mental health breakdown of sorts.. Edited March 17 by bobbienatte Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobbienatte Posted March 17 Author Share Posted March 17 11 minutes ago, happyhorizons said: This whole thing sounds like a midday soap opera...........😏 Unfortunately it is real life Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobbienatte Posted March 17 Author Share Posted March 17 On 3/15/2024 at 9:47 PM, MsJayne said: Maybe his wife's fragile because she's living with a nutjob? Most possibly 🙁 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 17 Share Posted March 17 35 minutes ago, bobbienatte said: I was worried about her, that is why I alerted 2 people that are still somewhat close to her to check on her. Otherwise known as gossiping. She is an adult woman. If you have a concern for her safety and well being, you should tell the woman. Don’t pass the buck to your friends to “keep an eye on her” like she is a child. 36 minutes ago, bobbienatte said: I just meant that I talked to two of our common friends about it PRECISELY so they can keep close eye on her and see if she is alright. I felt reading the message that the guy was not in a stable condition mentally. Again, if you have a concern - it’s best to talk with her directly. 37 minutes ago, bobbienatte said: Maybe she already knows he had a crush on me. I wouldn’t flatter yourself. this whole story sounds ridiculous. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobbienatte Posted March 17 Author Share Posted March 17 (edited) 9 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Otherwise known as gossiping. She is an adult woman. If you have a concern for her safety and well being, you should tell the woman. Don’t pass the buck to your friends to “keep an eye on her” like she is a child. Again, if you have a concern - it’s best to talk with her directly. I wouldn’t flatter yourself. this whole story sounds ridiculous. Great recommendations, thank you for your input! Edited March 17 by bobbienatte Link to post Share on other sites
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