Babbs Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 Just a quick question here...who has the harder time getting over the affair? The MM or OW (or MW)?? I saw this in a different post and decided to start a thread on it.
newbby Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 do you mean getting over the other person, or getting over the actual affair? if it is getting over the over person, i would say ow. if it is getting over the affair, then mm. what post was it, can you paste a link.
mopar crazy Posted December 17, 2005 Posted December 17, 2005 Just a quick question here...who has the harder time getting over the affair? The MM or OW (or MW)?? I saw this in a different post and decided to start a thread on it. I can't speak for all OW or the MM/MW but I can speak for the exOW and my H who had the A. I don't think the exOW had a hard time getting over it. A week after my H told her it was over b/c he wanted to work on our M she was dating another guy. As for H, he would still bring up the exOW but it was always negative things. I don't know if it was his way of getting over her, his way of making me think what a big mistake it was, or his way of showing how ashamed he was. Now, three years after the A and what he knows about the exOW and what he has heard from his friends (why they tell him I have no clue) he is ashamed of what he did w/ her. IMO I think the OW has the harder time getting over the MM and the A. I had an A w/ a man in a CR and I know it was harder from me to get over him and the A than it ever was for him.
Author Babbs Posted December 17, 2005 Author Posted December 17, 2005 Newbby, I read so many posts yesterday, I don't think I can find the post it was in. I thought it was something Owl said, but I don't know if I could find it again or not. It seems to me the OW or MW has a harder time forgetting the MM. From what I read, the MM ends it and moves on. If both parties have NC, then it's hard to tell what the other person is thinking. Just wanted to see how people felt.
Sami_D Posted December 17, 2005 Posted December 17, 2005 I would have thought it depended on individual personalities.
ahotmess Posted December 18, 2005 Posted December 18, 2005 I think that if this whole thing was harder on him (MM) than me (OW) he would probably not even be able to breath right now. This consumes me in so many ways.....and it hurts. I hope that he is hurting too. Or maybe I never want him to feel so bad...I just know that I want him.
sparticuss Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 I think it comes down to individuals. If suicide figures are an indication of who is rreally falling the hardest then its MM by miles. But it isn't the affair that hurts them. It's the divorce.
Owl Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 I've gotta agree with Sami and Spart...it depends on the personalities involved more than anything else. I'll also re-iterate a thought I've had ever since d-day... NO ONE walks away from an affair unscarred. All three parties are typically deeply hurt and often changed after an affair. In my case, there is no doubt in my mind that my wife was deeply hurt by all of this...she cried herself to sleep for weeks afterwards. I'm sure OM was deeply hurt by all of it too...he too was sure that he was in love with my wife (I'M of the opinion it was more infatuation...I'm still not convinced you can TRULY be in love with someone you've never met at all in person). Losing that was undoubtedly very hard on him...especially when he was convinced during that whole week that she was coming to live with him. And as far as me being hurt...well...pretty obvious that I was. Who was hurt worse? No telling for sure...we'll all bear the scars for quite a while. Doesn't even matter who was hurt worse in my book...don't feel like keeping score on that anymore. Interesting thread tho.
DepressedWaiting Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 I think it hurts OW more DURING and AFTER the affair... if MM were so hurt then he would divorce. I know I would do ANYTHING... and I mean ANYTHING a.s.a..p to stop this pain. If MM were in just as much pain he would divorce. OW is bent over in pain everyday wondering if things will ever really change, sleeping alone at night knowing MM is in his bed with another women. Is MM having sex with wife?... is he lying? MM doesn't have to deal with any of that. I think my MM isn't divorcing over "pain" he is divorcing because he doesn't want to lose me. I mean he is in pain of course... but NOTHING like what I'm experiencing.
Recommended Posts